God Doesn't Read My Blog

Once a couple of years ago, Casey and Ralph were eating at a restaurant and three men sitting at a nearby table began to ogle her. She was very uncomfortable and Ralph was very irritated.
They exited the resturant, returning to the truck for the trip back to school when Casey had to go back into the restaurant to retrieve something she had forgotten.

She hurriedly returned to the truck flushed and alarmed because one of the men had said something very inappropriate to her in front of the rest of the customers.
She told her daddy what the man had done.

Ralph calmly exited the truck, entered the restaurant and approached the table where the three men sat. He loudly (but calmly. Really.) informed them all that his daughter had the right to be in this restaurant without being harassed.

One of the men sheepishly said "I didn't say nuthin.",..to which Ralph yelled "Then I'm not talking to you!" as he turned his glare towards the one who had issued the verbal insult to Casey.

He left after informing them a couple of more times that none of them had better ever speak a word to his daughter again.

Casey recalls that very short moment in her life with clarity. She has always known her daddy would be there for her in times of danger, but as she watched him intercede in her behalf she "knew" a side of him that she had never seen before.

The way I know God now is vastly (let me repeat,...vastly) different from the way I knew Him before my loss.
Did He change?
Of course not.

But like Casey felt loved and protected by Ralph that day, I learned that hearing about God's protection and experiencing it are two different things.

I have been the recipient of my Lord's indescribable comfort when I was in danger.
I would have preferred to be shielded from pain,..but I guess that's not always an option for us.
So.
He makes the pain bearable and then promises us that He will also redeem it.
I'm looking forward to the whole redemption thing.
I guess that will have to all happen in Heaven, 'cause I'm worldly, selfish and carnal enough to prefer Jae's life to the things I've learned.

Is that heresy?
Do I really mean that?
Maybe.
Maybe not.

I love God with everything I am.
In fact,..I think about Him so much that I sometimes feel like a Christian "fanatic".

Thank goodness He knows my thoughts.
Thank goodness He doesn't have to read about my thoughts here.
He doesn't get offended when I can't explain His ways.
He loves me.

Psalm 34:18 says "If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there."
(The Message)

God's Is Always For Me

Always?
God is ALWAYS operating in my best interest?

I've been studying this week about how He never (never ever never) puts us in a situation which we can not "win".
Really?

So if I am defeated, did I choose it?

I tend to gauge my success on the circumstances that I find myself in.
Meaning,..when things are good, God is pleased with me and blessing me.
If that's true, then the natural assumption is that when things are rough, I am being punished or disciplined.

I've been reminded this week that God does not just tolerate me.
He adores me as if I am His only beloved child.
My affection for my girls is indescribable. I am always rooting for them. I would never on my worst day, wish pain or failure into their lives.

How much more does God love me?

OK I'll agree.
He always operates for my best interest.
It's settled then.

But here's the rub:
(not settled after all :)
The methods He has used to bring me closer to Him are too painful.
I may cry for a deeper walk with God, but I am terrified of the classroom.
Save me from the lessons!

How about Jae?
Was He all out FOR her that afternoon?
Was that His plan all along for the ending of her life?

How long,O Lord, must I wrestle with my thoughts? (Psalms something)

John 13:7 says "Some of the stuff that's happening in your life, you just can't know about. However, I'll show you all about it when you get to Heaven." (NBV New Becky version)

God's always for me.
wrestle wrestle
God's always for me.
wrestle wrestle
God's always for me.
wrestle wrestle

October Inventory

A song which recently captured my attention
is Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir's rendition of "I will lift up my eyes to the hills". If I were ever given a wish from the "Make a wish" foundation,..it just might be to sing with that group of brothers and sisters.

A thought for this day
is from Beth Moore. She says:
"I'd like to suggest that an entire chain reaction begins with our eyes and ultimately affects our heart, souls and minds. Where we look---where we genuinely fasten our gaze---amid continual life challenges has a tremendous impact on how we feel".
(Now I know why I feel so good when I pass Shipley Donuts)

My current project is
Getting my in-laws house across the street ready to live in. These sweet family members of mine are way to old to have to "start over". Every project associated with the move completely overwhelms them. They have gone back to Mississippi for two weeks and I hope to have their house very livable by the time they get back here,..their new home.

I am presently studying
Beth Moore's "Stepping Up" bible study. There are approximately 18 ladies in my church group doing this with me and I have to tell ya,...this study is unbelievable. It is about the Psalms of Ascents" which covers chapters 120-135 of Psalms.

I am frustrated with
my lack of wheels. We're trying to keep our Mazda going in spite of it's mileage (165,000). It's in the shop with "issues".

I am procrastinating
cleaning my house.

I am glad
that Casey's home. She wanted to be with us for Jae's birthday.
I'm also glad that Jae's birthday is over. It was a hard and heavy day for my little heart.

I have been encouraged
by having so many of my friends and family join me in this blog adventure. Never did I ever anticipate it being such a fun way to fellowship!

No Words Today

Laugh With Me

This week,..Jae Lynn's 21st birthday week,...I am looking for good memories and things to make me laugh.

Here is a man's voice mail message (audio only) that cracks me up every time time I listen to it. He evidently was on his way to work and was calling in to tell his boss he would be late.

Laugh with me,....

Birthdays and Boxes

About this time 11 years ago, we hosted a sleep-over for Jae Lynn's 10th birthday. As usual, we were planning a party while having almost zero money.
Broke just did not do us justice.
We were "pore".

Jae and Casey were rich in friends however, so hosting their parties meant we had a minimum of 15 kids. Mostly girls, but cousins Nathan and Andrew, and friend Chase always had a standing invitation to all the parties,....including this sleepover. (Only one mama balked at the co-ed sleepover/sleeping arrangements but she finally relented).

This particular year, Ralph and I went to an appliance store and found about 6-8 huge boxes which had held new stoves and refrigerators. We tied them into the truck and brought them home and placed them in the front yard.
I really wasn't sure how the kids would respond to "boxes" being the extent of the party entertainment, however,... I can not describe how much fun these kids had playing in them!

They crawled into the boxes, fell out of them, pushed each other around in them, painted them, cut windows into them, hooked them together, jumped out of trees into them, rolled down the hill in them, packed 8 kids into one of them, changed clothes in them and finally, around midnight, all 18 kids fell asleep in them.

That very same weekend, there was a write-up in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette about another 10 year old little girl who had very different birthday party than Jae Lynn. This little girl had a limousine pick up her and her friends, where they were all then taken for a manicure/pedicure, pizza and a movie.
(Oh yeah,...they also had a photographer and a write-up in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. )

I felt sorry for that little rich girl.
She should have had refrigerator boxes.

I Am....

I am humbled.
I've had an exciting week.
I've not spoken much about it here, 'cause I was afraid it would all fall through.
Youth Specialties is an organization has been instrumental in the formation of my spiritual worldview. No lie. I have been profoundly and deeply influenced by the late Mike Yaconelli and his staff at YS.
A few weeks ago, they sent out a request on their blog (I have them linked to mine) for all youth ministers to send in their "most memorable youth ministry moments".
It was an easy request for me.
I sent them my post from this blog dated 6/14/08.
Well lo and behold! They chose to profile that moment at their three national youth worker conventions this fall.
Their Media Specialist, Ian Robertson, flew in from California Wednesday and spent the day with me, interviewing and shooting some video.
Ian is an incredibly talented young man who just yesterday had his first short film screened at the "San Diego Film Festival".

I am unworthy.
There are thousands of youth workers out there who are better educated and more exciting than me. I feel like these men and women will watch the segment on me at the national conventions and yell,.."Impostor! She's not a real youth leader!"
It seems like I have spent most of my adult life in youth ministry wishing for a bigger budget, a better program and a more exciting staff member than me.
I seriously am no big deal.
Seriously.

I am relieved.
Youth Specialties has a motto which says:"You love kids. We love you." I have actually felt that love down through the years, even though I had never met any of the staff. After spending the day with Ian, I could tell he loved me and what I do.
I would have been way disappointed if he had been all business-like and intimidating, but he was wonderful.
Just like I imagined all the YS staff would be.


I am thankful.
God continues to let me talk about Jae Lynn. He allows me to introduce her to the world. I sure 'nuff would have chosen a different way to involve her in ministry, but I am trying to be content with her story as it is now.
She always was one to do things different.
I miss her.
(That's a colossal understatement.)

I am amazed.
At the grace which God bestows on me. Why does He love it when I love Him? I'll never understand.

I am afraid.
That I will stop seeing God work.
I am in the middle of about five different ways where He is working in big and obvious ways. I've been praying for Him to do BIG things and I know "He's way too big for me to mess Him up" (Beth Moore's words), but if anyone could get in His way, I'm sure it would be me.
I just don't want Him to stop the fun.
It's been exhilarating to watch Him work in some of the private and public areas of my life.

In spite of the fact that I frequently camp there, I can't stand the idea of living in mediocrity.