I Am....

I am humbled.
I've had an exciting week.
I've not spoken much about it here, 'cause I was afraid it would all fall through.
Youth Specialties is an organization has been instrumental in the formation of my spiritual worldview. No lie. I have been profoundly and deeply influenced by the late Mike Yaconelli and his staff at YS.
A few weeks ago, they sent out a request on their blog (I have them linked to mine) for all youth ministers to send in their "most memorable youth ministry moments".
It was an easy request for me.
I sent them my post from this blog dated 6/14/08.
Well lo and behold! They chose to profile that moment at their three national youth worker conventions this fall.
Their Media Specialist, Ian Robertson, flew in from California Wednesday and spent the day with me, interviewing and shooting some video.
Ian is an incredibly talented young man who just yesterday had his first short film screened at the "San Diego Film Festival".

I am unworthy.
There are thousands of youth workers out there who are better educated and more exciting than me. I feel like these men and women will watch the segment on me at the national conventions and yell,.."Impostor! She's not a real youth leader!"
It seems like I have spent most of my adult life in youth ministry wishing for a bigger budget, a better program and a more exciting staff member than me.
I seriously am no big deal.
Seriously.

I am relieved.
Youth Specialties has a motto which says:"You love kids. We love you." I have actually felt that love down through the years, even though I had never met any of the staff. After spending the day with Ian, I could tell he loved me and what I do.
I would have been way disappointed if he had been all business-like and intimidating, but he was wonderful.
Just like I imagined all the YS staff would be.


I am thankful.
God continues to let me talk about Jae Lynn. He allows me to introduce her to the world. I sure 'nuff would have chosen a different way to involve her in ministry, but I am trying to be content with her story as it is now.
She always was one to do things different.
I miss her.
(That's a colossal understatement.)

I am amazed.
At the grace which God bestows on me. Why does He love it when I love Him? I'll never understand.

I am afraid.
That I will stop seeing God work.
I am in the middle of about five different ways where He is working in big and obvious ways. I've been praying for Him to do BIG things and I know "He's way too big for me to mess Him up" (Beth Moore's words), but if anyone could get in His way, I'm sure it would be me.
I just don't want Him to stop the fun.
It's been exhilarating to watch Him work in some of the private and public areas of my life.

In spite of the fact that I frequently camp there, I can't stand the idea of living in mediocrity.