Here I Am.....

For some reason, I woke up wanting to read the Abraham and Isaac story in Genesis.  

I wrote about it a while back 

here.

For some reason, this place in my Bible has very little writing all around it.  

Now I don't know why that is,... because usually when I study a story in-depth, it usually looks like this......

Anyway, maybe it was good that I'd not written much about Abraham because if I'd cluttered up my margins like I'm prone to do,..I might have missed something.

Three specific times in this story, Abraham says the same exact statement.

"Here I am"

Those were Abraham's words when the Lord calls his name one day out of the blue.

Now I have wondered if Abraham had wished he hadn't been so confident and willing to do "whatever".  Surely he didn't know when he eagerly offered himself that God was going to instruct him 

to offer his son on an alter.

Then later in the story, Isaac, confused, calls his dad's name.

Abraham's response to Isaac?

"Here I am"

How different he probably sounded then.  

I can picture Abraham confused and hurting.

Wishing to possibly comfort and reassure his beloved son, yet full of internal bewilderment.

Then a few verses down, we have the earthly spectacle of an eternal moment.

Abraham's arm is raised to do the unthinkable.  

He has never been so desperate, never felt so anguished,...

Yet,..he obeys.

God calls his name,.....Abraham! 

sobbing?,....."Here I am"

Now I'm no Abraham, I'm more like a conglomeration of all the disciples worst moments put together.

But I still want to be like him,.....

I want to say in any circumstance

Here I am...

I knew something was bothering her as soon as she sat down beside me this morning. Church had not started yet and our church family was milling around us as she confided quietly that she had gotten very upset in Sunday school this morning.

As her other friends filled out some sort of survey about their dad (in anticipation of Father's Day), she was painfully reminded that her dad left her and her mom,
plus
he died a few years ago.
Wow. Her dad left her in divorce as well as death.
Double the pain.
Never to be reconciled.

She said "everyone else had good things to say about their dad. Good memories and good traditions. They know all about their dad's favorite everything. But my only stories are about how he left us. No one really wants to hear about that."

Gracious.
What in the world can I say in 30-60 seconds in a crowded room to such raw honest hurt?
As usual, I rely on the things I've recently read and studied.


Holy Fools (Matthew Woodley) is a book I found on the bargain rack for about 3 bucks.
See,...I had gone to Mardels to purchase a new book because I was jealous of my friend who went to a spiritual counselor and received a lot of wisdom, advice and new inspiration.
Since I don't have a spiritual counselor, I bought a cheap book.

Anyway......
Holy Fools gives 4 common denominators for the people who have changed the world:
1. They are passionate people.
2. They are messy people.
3. They associate with and love messy people.
4. They are always in trouble.

That's the advice I gave my young teen friend.
The chapters in our lives which are painful and "messy" are still things that God can use to bless others.
She truly loved the encouragement.

Now,..if I can just practice what I preach and apply that to my own life.............

A risk-taking Leper

Abby and I are going to study the gospel of Mark for a while. Our pastor preached in Mark the other day, and I realised I have virtually NO handwritten notes in the margin! That my friends, is a sure sign that I don't know much about the passage there.
It's a way big pity that I have no notes in the margins of several other books of the bible as well!

Mark 1:40

The leper knelt down in front of Jesus and whispered,..

"If you are willing, You can make me clean."

This man was physically devastated, socially ostracized and emotionally bankrupt.
Yet,..he had had knowledge and hope.
This leper knew that Jesus could heal,..but he doubted if He would.
His history told him that he would be rejected again.
Reason told him to not bother.

Yet,..it was worth it to ask.

He took a chance with his life by even coming near enough to kneel in front of Jesus.

Some people get abused by life and are eaten up with bitterness.
Not this man.

He still had hope.
His life was meaningless without healing and he risked his life to ask for it.

Against all odds,..he was still a risk taker.

He's a picture of what I am to be.
"Lord,..if you are willing, you can __(fill in the blank)___"
Heal my broken heart?
Bring my church to life?
Protect my children?
whatever else is keeping me up at night?

I know in my head God can do all things, but I am not convinced that He is always willing.
Lack of Faith?
Absolutely not.
Take, for example March 18, 2004.

How do I know what His will is?
His ways are not mine and He specifically tells me to not lean on my own (pitiful) understanding.
Still, I know I am to hope for the good things I desire and to have the boldness to ask for them.

I want to be a hopeful risk taker.
No bitterness, no regrets.

Passionate Patience

II Timothy talked to me the other day about perseverance.
Occasionally, when I read a passage of scripture, I search the same passage in another translation for a different perspective. The Message translated "perseverance" into a phrase called "passionate patience".


Well Well Well.


What pray tell do I need to be passionate about in regards to my patience?

My job.
My church.
My daughters.
Myself.
My electric blanket which apparently is not one of those blankets with a brain.
My computer keyboard which prints an "i" only about half the time I hit it.
My job.
Some people.
Some other people.
One other person.
Myself.
My new TV remote.
Abby's cleaning abilities.
My kitchen faucet which sprays water 180 degrees out.
My clothes dryer which dries on every setting at 895 degrees.
My washing machine which just might walk around the utility room when it spins a load of towels.
The defroster on my car. I have 185,000 miles on that thing and still can't work the stupid defroster.
My outside dog which will kills every attractive flower and plant in my yard but protects the weeds and poison ivy.

Greg Long has a song entitled "In The Waiting" and when I hear it I know that Greg has also wrestled with this waiting business.
Here's some of his words:

Pain.
The gift nobody longs for,.... still it comes.
and somehow leaves us stronger when it goes away.
It seems the hardest part is waiting on You
when all I really want is just to see Your hand move.

I want a peace beyond my understanding.
I wanna feel it fall like rain in the middle of my hurting
I wanna feel Your arms as they surround me
and let me know that it's OK.
To be here in this pain
resting in the peace that only comes in the waiting.

Peace?
Passion?
Patience?
Perseverance?
How about,....pitiful?

It's a great thing that He is strong when I am weak.
It's a great thing His mercies are new every morning.
I'm so glad He loves me and knows my heart.

The Journey

I've been thinking lately about my purpose.

I guess I should try again to read Rick Warren's book about the purpose-driven life.

Nah.

I think I just need to remember a few things:

Like God is much more concerned about my heart than He is my successes.

He doesn't need me to be good at anything,..He just wants me to be faithful and obedient.

If I can exercise consistent Godly characteristics,

then His ministry will occur through me.

Little ole me.

Having an eternal Kingdom impact.

Although I am not in a true leadership position anywhere,

I have found that I am constantly leading people.

In most of my relationships at work and church, my old age (!) has given me

much experience in a variety of interesting things.

As a leader, I want to remember to be the biggest servant.

I don't want to have a "disdain for the mundane".

If I'm stacking chairs after a church event, then I want to be the best chair stacker ever.

If I'm washing dishes, then I want others to see me standing joyful at the sink.

Does God care about dishes and chair-stacking?

Maybe or maybe not, but I know

He cares about how I feel and act when performing those tasks.

I can't expect any type of ministry in my life to flourish if I don't

seek God through prayer and scripture.

Desiring a close walk with God won't get me there.

Feeling guilty is non-productive.

Church attendance is important but by itself will not sustain a life of purpose and ministry.

It's not enough to discuss God and His wonderful ways.

I can surround myself with good dancers, talk all day of my dancing skills,

and immerse myself in performances,

but that doesn't make me a dancer.

My life is about the journey.

Unexpected detours seem to be in the plan.

The only place I need to "arrive" at is Heaven.

Early Morning Revival

What were you doing at 5:45 this morning?
That's about the time of the morning when I get into my car and head towards work.

The last few weeks have been ones of emotional conflict for me.
Last Saturday, I became involved in a situation at work (the new job which I'm struggling to enjoy) and was pretty dadgum frustrated that this "particular situation" kept me from attending Abby's band competition. I can't share details here because it would involve discussing details of a patient, but by the time I clocked out that evening, I had been stretched physically, emotionally and even spiritually.

Moments later, while in a store running an errand, Ralph called me as he sat in the stands of Forrest City High School when Abby's band marched out onto the field. He held the phone in the air and I listened to her entire band performance as I stood in the frazzlin paint section of WalMart.
I nearly cried with disappointment.

Then late last night, I became involved in another work-related situation which left me feeling exhausted.

and frustrated.

and tired.

and confused.

and scared.

So back to this morning.....

At about 5:45 this morning, I began a long hard talk with myself and had a long wonderful talk with God.

I don't claim to be one of those people who say things like "......AND GOD TOLD ME........."

Nope.

God just doesn't seem to communicate with me that way.

But this morning, I begged God to keep me passionate about life.

I begged Him (literally) to keep me "on the edge" of living all out for Him.

I've been there before and I don't want to be satisfied with anything less.

Lately, I've been spiritually tepid and I hate it.

I want to be fully there....where ever I am.

I want to live with an expectancy of watching Him work.

It's not that I've been doubting God, but more that I've been trying to figure out things by myself.

Just not involving Him much.

Going through the motions, but no real reliance on or use of Faith.

My prayers this morning brought an exciting time of clarity for me.

My situation has not changed at work, and I don't have a clue of what's in store for me, but I'm feeling much more confident that He will hold true to His word of having plans for my hope and my future.

It's all about your heart Becky.

It's all about your heart Becky.

It's all about your heart Becky.

It's all about your heart Becky

Gold-plated Addictions

Tonight, I had the privilege of hearing William P Young's book "The Shack". You may or may not have read this book, but surely you have heard about it.
Surely.
AND if you have read it, you either:
loved it
or
you considered it heresy.
Most people are not neutral about it.

Here's my take on this book which I have read. (Also, believe it or not, I have also had this book sent to me anonymously twice. (twice!))

I have never thought it to be a lesson designed to impart deep theology.
I do not consider it a book about grief.
I honestly don't think he author planned on the vast circulation it has received.
I got frustrated about a third of the way through the book and put it down for several days. I hear this is a common behavior for many readers. Interesting.
It jumps smack in the middle of all of our prejudices.
I have a better concept of the trinity than I have ever had in my life.

I am no book reviewer, nor do I want to say that I agree with all of the symbolism I read about it. However, this author has an amazing testimony of the redemptive power and grace of God.

He spoke much about being "performance driven" as he dealt with all of his internal brokenness and addictions as a result of a horrible childhood. He reminded us all that some of us deal with the "bad" addictions (he mentioned drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, gambling,.etc) but that there are many of us who deal with "Gold-plated addictions" such as church roles, respect, significance, success, etc.
The problem with these gold-plated addictions are that we tend to excuse the behaviors,..even celebrate them! Seldom are they considered significant spiritual issues.
We exercise self-discipline (external) and think we have acquired self-control (internal fruit of the spirit).


sigh.

sigh.....

Time for a personal evaluation........

Mayberry

Tonight we began a study entitle "Mayberry". I tell ya, I love the study because we get to watch an entire episode of Andy Griffith!
We use the character's response to situations and then the study has scriptures to match.

Andy, Barney and Opie reminded tonight of the pleasing simplicity of service.

I have struggled much during the past 4 years or so with "what does God want me to do with the rest of my life?"

Ya know, I think that many of us have a deep-seated fear that God will "call" us into some sort of uncomfortable life-style. Something hard like inner city missions or serving in the deep wilds of Africa. We listen to the missionaries and marvel at their commitment.
We want to be willing. Truly do.
We confess our unwillingness and feel sure that even God couldn't make us want to "go".

The reality is however, that God calls us to work and serve just as hard "here" as those missionaries do "there".
We are surrounded daily by souls and spirits who need a kind word.
They sit beside us in our offices.
They are on the other end of the phone lines we talk on.
They are stocking or checking our groceries at Wal-Mart.
They live next door to us.
They sit beside us in church.
They sit daily at our supper table.

God created us all with unique personalities, talents and resources to take care of each other. Every day.

Galatians 6:10 says "Right now, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith." (the Message)

But I find that I sometimes ignore/forget/get irritated at the important things while I give inordinate amounts of attention to projects which have no eternal significance.

In the past 4 years or so, I have pondered, prayed and planned to be flexible and ready to do whatever I think God wants me to do. But I have found that His obvious plan for me at this moment in time brings no real big outward change to my life.
But baby you should see the changes on the inside!

Boldness and Possessions

Woke up this morning wanting to be inspired by my bible study. It seems that most of my huge memorable inspirational quiet times have been from the New Testament so I began to browse through there and just durn near piddled away all my time!
Finally settled on Acts.
Act 4:23 - the rest of chapter.

The apostles had just been in big trouble with the Jewish church leaders, and after being released, they ran to their companions to share their experiences.
Did they whine?
Did they gripe?
Did they shake their heads at the "state of the nation" or "the condition of the church"?
No. They did not.

They were utterly and completely emboldened more than they had ever been before!
Not only did they erupt in spontaneous praise and prayer, this moment began a spirit of giving of their possessions to further the work of the Kingdom.

They prayed for more boldness to speak.
They asked for more strength to endure the trials.
They did not ask for God to change their circumstances, because they had a keen understanding that God often uses evil to bring about His purposes. (v 27-28).

Yikes!

Acts 4 is not really a comforting word for us believers today.
I don't know about you, but I find that my plans are to keep myself from evil, to avoid trials and pain, to save and invest wisely so I can acquire more money and then,.......I will try to speak boldly for God.
Sell my land, my crazy old rent houses, my home place, liquidate my teensy savings and then give all my stuff away?
What would you think of me?
What would I think of you if you did all of that?
I think that we would have very few supporters.

We all agree to live like that would free us to live by Faith, but I personally don't think I know of a single Christian who lives like this.

Yet,...I think it's scriptural.

sigh.

God has so much work to do in me.

Morning Prayer

Dear God,

I've got a busy day and If I'm in charge of it, I will sure-nuff ruin it.

My daily running around can become heavenly if You are with me.

You alone are what makes day worth living.

Please take every effort of every task and redeem it into something of eternal significance.

In spite of my weaknesses, I love You with all my heart.

Amen

PS:

And Please God, help me today to eat Apples instead of Oreos.

Ist Kings

If you look on the far left sidebar of this blog, you will find that I am studying one book of the Bible each month. In the past, if I do not finish the book by the end of the month, I quit and keep to the schedule.
This month I did not follow that rule. I just finished April's book of 1st Kings.
This sounds corny, but I just could not stop.
I was captivated.

Here is the Becky Russell commentary of 1st Kings:

**
This is a book which discusses the death of David, whom God calls "A Man after His Own Heart". For the first time, I imagined what David's entrance into Heaven was like. The warrior was finally home.
**
His mighty men were with him at the end of his life. Not too long ago, I wrote a post about these men.
**
Solomon's building of the temple was tedious, but that prayer,..oh that prayer! The one he prayed at it's dedication was surely one of his finest moments in life.
**
I read right over the passage and completely missed the division of the Northern and Southern Kingdoms of Israel.
I never did understand that very well.
Obviously I still don't.
**
I don't recall much good that Ahab did.
Ever.
Yet, God extended mercy to him for a moment of repentance.
**
Because Ahab got that moment of mercy, God instead chose to punish his son.
I don't understand that line of reasoning at all.
**
The 22nd chapter holds a hilarious moment of sarcasm in the middle of high drama.
**
A country will follow the current leader.
**
God holds the leader very accountable.

** ********************************
Here's the biggest impact this book has had on me:
Blessing or curses are freely bestowed on individuals which are based on the ancestor's past behavior and commitment to God. The scripture constantly mentions genealogy when discussing a person or situation.
My ancestors, generations back, have had a significant impact on me even though I have never met them.
I am just a small cog in a big wheel.
That's exciting.
That's scary.

I am now praying for God to

give me the courage

to live the kind of life where

God

wants to bless my children

because of me.

Teaching

Last night, I went to Red Lobster with my friend Kay. The hostess took us to a booth waaaayyyy in the back of the restaurant where a ginormous group of teens were eating together (the Paragould boys and girls high school soccer team).
I observed other Red Lobster patrons be escorted in, look around and immediately refuse the seating arrangement. I, on the other hand, felt right at home.
Tomorrow morning is the first of three Sunday mornings that I get to teach our youth group. (yippee!) Since Levi has come on our church staff as part-time youth director, I have not gotten to teach much, and boy have I missed it!

Good ole Southern Baptists.....here we are in the start of the new Sunday school quarter. Where in the cotton-pickin-heck are the new books?
I have no idea.
You'd think since I live with the Sunday School director, I could find out this important information.

So.
I get to make a lesson from scratch.
As usual, I teach from the spot where God is working in my life. Not always the best lesson plan, but today it's working for me.

Years ago, Ralph led our family in some scripture memorization and the first one he had us all learn was

Psalms 1:1-2

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,

nor stands in the path of sinners,

nor sits in the seat of the scornful;

But his delight is in the law of the Lord

and in His law he meditates day and night.

I love that verse and it's going onto my mirror this afternoon.

It will remind me to not let myself get spiritually lazy.

We do not smoke, drink, cuss, have sex outside of marriage.

We go to church and tithe.

Therefore, God must be pleased.

C'mon. We know better than that.

We know better!

We know that in order to be a delight to God, we must pursue His heart with our own.

It's not enough to stay faithful in our religious routines.

Some of the people farthest away from God will be sitting in America's church pews on Sunday morning.

It's dangerous to raise our families with our frantic busy schedules and allow no time for the matters that God considers important.

Although our hopes are high, our spiritual expectations for ourselves and our children are often very low.

The small youth room at Bayou Meto won't be filled with deep theological wonders and discussions this Sunday morning.

But then again,......I think it will.....

Pride, Politics and Prayer

I try to not talk much about politics on this blog, not because I don't want to polarize or offend, but mostly because I deeply value different opinions than my own.
Friends with different views on our culture and theology have broadened my view of others and have assisted me in clarifying what I believe. Many of them have challenged me to either practice what I preach or shut up. There have been times when I've had to do both.

These past few days, I've been filled with disbelief as I have watched national events play out on TV. How could Americans,..neighbors,..friends,.... see the same set of circumstances so differently? I am glad for the "lion-type/game-changer" personalities out there in the America who can articulate various points of view. Rush Limbaugh, Anderson Cooper, Sean Hannity, President Obama, Nancy Pelosi and a host of others. I love their passion and I am again challenged/frustrated/encouraged when I hear them present opinions.

But here is just one of Becky's opinion about politics:

To align religion with politics is lashing ourselves to a cart that is heading for doom. Politics are necessary and provide America with the processes of order that we all need and cherish, but I think we are in danger when we consider "our" way as God's way.

Pride in anyone is detestable to God, His children or not.

That said, I also believe that the media and government are places of intense spiritual battles. The entire Old Testament reveals hundreds of stories that prove God cares deeply about the direction of the country.

II Chronicles 7:14 reminds us that God hears the prayers of the people and will indeed heal our land. We say we believe "He can", but we wonder if "He will".

Is that Faith?

I'm not sure it is.

There's more in that verse that we need to do besides pray, but the point is that He gives the promise to "His people". He doesn't expect anything from the people who aren't "His",..they don't know His goodness.

I bet God grieves that we prefer living in spiritual poverty rather than wrestling in prayer and getting His promises.

Let's not give up on our country. I don't want to get to Heaven and see the big picture to realize that Satan won, not because of politics, but because of a lack of prayer.

Still Learning And Loving

I've learned some things this past month or so:
Important things like,....
When I try to improve my posture on an escalator, I fall backwards
and
I can park my car on top of my weenie dog and she will live through it.
and
watching a friend fall in love is just pert near the most rewarding and exciting thing I could be a witness to.

This month I have been concentrating on Love. Appropriately so,..Valentine's day,...romance,..etc.
I am one of the most blessed of all women to share Ralph E. Russell's name.

But I've been taking a different look at love.
From my perspective towards God.

Kind of like this:
I don't want my daughters and husband to simply act like they love me. I would be able to quickly tell the difference between their sincerity or their pretense.
I don't want them to feel guilty and fearful of my response or opinion.
I never want them to spend time with me because they are "supposed to".
How horrible for me.
And them.

I often wonder if I've lived my relationship with God like that?
I have a desire to love Him because of who He is, not what he can do for me.
I want to please Him out of a fervent love rather than guilt.

He is a mind reader.
He knows when I pray for things,.. forgiveness,... blessings,.... requests,.... concerns,.... He knows my motives and my sincerity.
I don't know about you,..but that's a scary thought for me.

I deeply love God.
Most days I feel it strongly,..but some days I feel distant.
Who's fault is that?
Mine?
(There I go,..feeling guilty.)

Here's my very own "Love Dare" between me and the King of Kings. I dared myself :)
I have asked God over and over during the past few days to deepen my love for Him.
I am begging Him several times during each day to give me ways to demonstrate my love.

The scripture is full from cover to cover with stories and and demonstrations of what Love looks like. His word is clear:
Love is what He desires from us.
Yet,..we,....I,... still find that my actions are often automatic, bland and lacking compassion.
Thoughtless.
Loveless.

A life lived 24/7 for Him with pure love, abandon and devotion would be an unstoppable force.

I wanna be like that!

Lord, fill me up with love for You and others!

Lukewarm

Here is some irony:
God does not need us, yet loves us deeply.
We are in desperate need of God, but fail to fully love Him.

Jesus constantly called out the Pharisees and other religious leaders for not being authentic.
He said to all who listened: If you follow me, be prepared to walk away from everything you love. (Luke 9:57--).
That was a hard teaching for those people to hear.
It's still hard.

Francis Chan was a speaker at the Nashville Youth Workers Convention that I attended last November. You know, there are some speakers who are powerful because of their communication style, and then there are some who are powerful because of their anointed message.
Francis is the latter.
His keynote sermon about becoming a true follower of Jesus had me covered flat up with conviction!

This morning I was reading his book called Crazy Love.
(sigh)
Convicted again.

Here's some of what Francis says in the chapter entitled "profile of the lukewarm":

***A lukewarm follower attends church. After all, it is an expectation.
***A lukewarm follower gives money to the church. A tenth. Sometimes.
***Lukewarm followers are moved by stories of people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act. They assume such action is for "extreme" Christians, not the average ones.
***They share their faith easily at Church, but rarely with neighbors, coworkers or friends.
***Lukewarm people say they love Jesus and He is, indeed, a part of their lives. Key word here,..a part. There are other sections where His "control" just wouldn't fit.
***Lukewarm followers are truly thankful for their comforts and luxuries.
***Lukewarm followers do not live by Faith, their lives are structured so they never have to.
***Lukewarm people don't really want to be saved from ALL their sin; they want to be saved from the penalty of their sin.
***Lukewarm people think about life on Earth more than they do about eternity in Heaven. Their schedule and "to-do" list is consuming.

The above list is just a small taste of what Francis had in his book, but I love how he fills the pages with scripture. It makes his written thoughts credible.
I'm telling ya,..this isn't a book to relax by,..it's a book to grow by.
(Sometimes I wish I could just pick up a good romance novel or something!)

Lukewarm Christians are the kind that Jesus would "spew out of His mouth".
That's the kind of harsh tone and rhetoric he reserved for the church leaders of the day.

I'm a church leader.
Most of you are too.

My prayer is that I lead by example.
Overwhelming? yep.
Possible? absolutely.
Today?

Luke 9:62 (The Message)
Jesus said: No procrastination. No backward looks. You can't put off God's Kingdom until tomorrow. Seize the day!"

I'm Resolute!

Here's my list.
The thing absolutely no one has been waiting for.

I am going to try to do each of these this year:
(ahem)

1. Perform one anonymous act of service each day.
Family, friend or stranger. Anyone is subject to my attention.
After all, service is the premise of WeepySeeds.

2. Do something each day week occassionally that scares me.
I've heard people say do something each day that is scary, but I just don't have that much time or energy.
I am also a weenie weenie weenie and don't really wish to be scared.
I've heard however,..that doing this makes life more fun.
Fun is good.

3. Be more spontaneous.
When the girls were small, we used to have "Yes days". Everything they asked me got a "yes!" answer. Those days ended up being pretty cool days for me too.

4. Real Estate.
Acquire more.
(Should I warn Ralph?)
(I suppose.)

5. Continue my Book-of-the-month-Bible-study.
I will be posting my monthly list in my sidebar on the left. Join me!

January study is Revelation. Here's how it works for me:

**Have a study Bible and/or a commentary.
**Begin by reading about the context and author. This is crucial to understanding the message!. Who is writing these words (for God of course) and why are they penning these words? Who is the book written for?
**Divide the book into days of the month. For instance,...Revelation has 22 chapters, therefore, I can do about a chapter a day during the month and have a couple of days to slough off. If there are 40 chapters, then I'd need to read/study two chapters on some days.
**Start at the beginning of the book and read it in order.
**Read the Bible chapter,..then read the commentary or notes about that chapter.
** This step is important,.....Write your notes and observations in the margins of your bible! I call it "preserving the learning". This will be a reminder of the things you have learned.

This entire system can take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. Just depends on how deep you want to go, or how much time you have.

6. Memorize two verses of scripture a month.
This is something that Beth Moore is loosely organizing within her siestas blog following.
Join me here too! (Thanks Beth James for encouraging me to do this!).

7. Continue to keep an eye out for people who are drowning in pain.
They are everywhere, but are often camouflaged with a smile and a wave of their hand that things are fine.
I'm gonna git all up IN their business!

8. Continue to enlarge Jae Lynn's memorial educational scholarship.
I am no good, no good I tell ya, at fund-raising.
Way out of my comfort zone.
Way.

9. And of course, continue this blog journal.
It's been amazingly good for me to journal my journey in this fashion. I've got a LOT of work to do on my other pages,....I'm working on them all. I just am not posting them for viewing until they are complete. (or at least almost complete)

********
I expect #6 to be my life-changer.

I love you and am so glad to have you as a reader and follower.

Letter To 2008

Dear 2008,
You have just a few days of life left in you and I thought that before you go, I might pause and reflect on your impact on me. Time has a way of marching on with or without our permission, and I've been making an attempt to try to make the most of my days and hours and minutes. Well,.. I try.
Most of the time.
Some of the time.
I try.

The things that this year has brought into my life have not been as earth-shattering as other events I've experienced in other years. Death, divorce and disease has kept it's distance from those that I am most tightly bound to. Praise be to God.

In fact, if I had to characterize this year, it would be one of healing. For me anyway. As a nurse, I know that healthy healing occurs from the inside out. I know that the deepest wounds take longer to heal and will often leave a lifetime of pain, handicap, scars or a combination of all three. I suppose that's where I find myself.
Pain of Jae's absence will haunt me until I breathe may last breath here. Missing daddy is mixed with the joy of knowing he is healthy again.
Handicapped?
Am I? Yes. In my head. People just really can not fathom where my thoughts go. Sometimes I can't either.
Scarred?
Deeply.
Yet,...I am confident that I am healing.

My mother and father-in-laws home burned in August. The tragedy became a crisis of belief which created no real options other than for them to move here with us. In retrospect,. the story has God's redemption all over it. He gave beauty for ashes. Literally.
I love it when He does that.

My study of the Scripture took a new path this year. I should say, it took me to a new and unexpected level. Studying a book a month,...with just me, the Bible and my gargantuan brown Matthew Henry commentary has provided me with just the right mix of structure and flexibility.

Christmas.
This year was not as painful as it has been in the past. I think one reason was because we decided to include Jae Lynn in the gift exchange. Whoever drew her name would give something in her honor or memory. Whichever name we drew for her would receive something in her honor. Aundra made several newborn baby hats which will be given to Bethany Christian Services in Jae's memory. Aundra also bought some "chicks" from Heifer International. Jae Lynn would have chosen chicks over every other animal!
The gift which we gave in Jae's name was a scrapbook which attempted to describe Jae to Emma, her 2 yr old cousin. This scrapbook covered everything from Jae's music, to her quirky personality traits, her love of animals, to her toenail collection and ended with a message to Emma that Jae and her will one day meet "in person" in Heaven.
On that day, they will need no introductions.
The only thing I would change about all of this, is that next year, I will do something similar for daddy.

2008, your imprint on all inhabitants of this earth will live on for eternity.
Some moments were forgettable and I certainly made my share of those during this year.
And some moments were of eternal consequence.
I find myself wishing I'd made more.

So 2008,...I will not miss you. Instead, I will anticipate 2009 with the good feeling of starting over.
New Beginnings are biblical.
Fresh starts.
Blank pages.
New resolutions.
New mercies for me as well as every other person alive.
A New Year filled with choices for each moment.

Priorities

I taught "Stress Management" all day long to my Cardiac Rehab patients.
All day.
Long.
Long long day.
It stressed me. (hee hee)

There's a part of my class where I talk about how stressful it is when you are unable to give attention to the things that are most important to you.
When I get to that part of the Stress Management class, I always tell this story:

In the Spring of 2006, Bro. Jim Edwards was preaching at our church and announced his text for the Sunday morning service.
It was Haggai 1:1-9.

Now, to my recollection, it was the first time I've ever heard a sermon from Haggai.
Haggai?
(I had to discreetly turn to my index: Where in the world is Haggai?)

Anyway,...the story is centered around God chastising the Jews for all enjoying their individual fine houses while the His temple lay in ruins.
They had their priorities all wrong and they were paying for it!

Bro. Jim, then had us all get out a piece of paper:
"Write out the top three priorities in your life" he said.
He told us to assume that God would always be at the top of our list, but to pick three others. (Bless him. He knew we would all be in an emotional quandary,...we would all secretly think,...."God is supposed to be at the top,..but is He? Should I lie? Is that a sin? What will others think if I tell the truth?..)

I listed my top priorities.
1. Ralph, Casey, Abby
2. Mom and daddy (who needed home care)
3. Jae's memorial scholarship

Then Bro. Jim had us make a second list:
"Now list the things which keep you from giving time to your priorities".

Mine was simple.
It was my job. My job kept me busy every day,..all day.

Bro. Jim told us
"Deal with the second list!"
"Get your priorities right!"

I was incredibly convicted.
My job was keeping me from the most important things of my life. How in the world did I let that happen?
I went in that very week and requested a transfer.
At that moment,..I think I would have gone somewhere and flipped burgers to attend my priorities.

I still do that whole exercise every once in awhile. I list my priorities and then evaluate anything which may keep me from giving them my attention.

Hopefully, I will not find myself in that kind of situation again, 'cause I think I would be a terrible burger-flipper.

Impressing God

I read this afternoon that God is not impressed by our achievements.
Nope. Not at all.
I was reminded that He's not overly taken with our knowledge.
He surely doesn't give any attention to our possessions. (they are really His anyway)
Our regular church attendance, committee work or special music is simply not that big a deal to Him.

What impresses God,..the Creator of this vast universe?
What makes the King of Kings pause and look upon us with great affection and pride?

A humble and grateful heart.

In John 21:17, Jesus is asking Peter for the 3rd time,.."Peter? Do you love me?
Peter, probably recalling his betrayal, has a heavy heart as he replies to Jesus,..."Lord, You know all things. You know I love You."

It's a scary thing for God to know our hearts when we are hypocritical or out of His will.
Woo boy. I've been there.
But it's comforting when we are truly trying to follow Him.

I am grateful that God is impressed each day with a heart that seeks to follow Him.
Thankfully for me, God looks less at my actions, and more at my heart.

What a relief 'cause I'm passionate every morning and a prodigal by sunset.

But like Peter,.. I can say,.."Lord You know all things. You know I love you!"

Matthew 25

I've been sent to Matthew 25 during the last couple of days.
Actually Beth Moore sent me to Luke in our Bible study, but as it often happens,..one set of passages sends me on a quest for others.

Here's Matt 25 in a nutshell:

**It starts with the story of 10 bridesmaids waiting for the groom. Some of them were ready and wise, some of them were fools and made no preparation for him. Of all things,...a bride who does not prepare for the biggest moment of her life.

**Then,..immediately we are taken into the story of a master who takes a trip out of the country and leaves his servants in charge of his affairs while he is gone. He told them,
"I'm coming back so I want you to take care of business until I return".
When he returned, he demanded an account of the servants. Some were rewarded for being obedient and faithful, but the ones who were lazy and foolish got stripped of their possessions and,...oh no,...cursed by the Master.

**Next is another story that I love. It's about judgement day when God separates the sheep from the goats.
He rewards His "sheep" because they did all kinds of things for HIM while they were on Earth. They were surprised.
They didn't recall the incidents at all.
He then cursed the ones (goats) who withheld the basics of life's comforts from HIM. Food, shelter, companionship,..etc.
Those people were aghast that He accused them of this! They were outraged.
"When did we not do this!!" They couldn't recall the opportunities that they obviously had missed.
I vividly remember once watching a movie which depicted Jesus speaking the very words of this sheep/goat story. As He discussed the sheep and their actions, His eyes were brimming full of joy and pride. But when Jesus began to discuss the goats,..His voice dropped to whisper.
He was not angry,..He was heartbroken.
The goats were doomed.
Lost to Him forever.

These are familiar parables and most of us know them by heart.
However,..they remind me that of the severe consequences for being,...
horrible?
no.
a felon?
nope.
a pervert?
not in these stories.
The grave consequences are for the ones who are lazy and uninvolved.

I am reminded that I don't have to be a missionary in a far away place.
I have no commandments in scripture to organize new ministries.
I have been commanded to carry on the work of Jesus in a hurting messed -up world.
Not a suggestion, but a commandment.

Is the commandment unreasonable? Is it too big of a task?
No way.
Hurting people are all around us.
He did not say we had to heal people and solve all social problems,..He just expects us to Love Him by Loving others.
Starting today.
Gotta go.