For some reason, I've had one thought on my mind all day long:
The earth is a stage and Heaven is the audience.
Is that original?
Did I make that up?
or was it Shakespeare? :)
Not too long ago, I cared for an elderly patient who had been devastated by a stroke. He could barely move and his speech had been reduced to unintelligible mumbling. It was late in the evening and I entered his room and began to reposition him for his first few hours of sleep. The door was closed. The curtains were pulled. As I often do, I leaned over his bed and began to softly sing Amazing Grace. He closed his eyes and with his garbled slurred voice, began to sing along with me. The words were so slurred in fact, that had I not known the song, I wouldn't have recognized it. He was out of breath at the end, and we were both in tears but we finished all the verses I knew.
Without a doubt, it was one of my most poignant moments in my career. I imagine that all of Heaven paused to hear that man's song of praise.
Casey Leigh Russell's name was called off in the middle of about a half-million other graduates at the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville. To Ralph and I however, the tedious three hour ceremony was well worth sitting through the 3 seconds of watching her walk across the stage. (I doubt our 15 guests thought the same thing but they blessed us deeply with their presence!)
So many emotions! I am filled with pride at her accomplishment but I swear as she walked back to her seat, I thought her facial expression was the same one we photographed in her kindergarten play back in 1994. Casey has had an intense dislike (!) of school since about the 5th grade and I am relieved she finally finished! I can not tell you how many times we had to convince her to "stay". She would have been a high school dropout in her junior year, but instead she chose to skip her senior year and graduate early. Her sophomore year at the University we, once again, thought she might drive up our driveway with all her belongings in the back of her truck. Rough doesn't describe that year and it had little to do with academics.
I'd describe some big moments but Casey isn't like that. Unlike her daddy and momma, she's the quiet-private type.
Lots of emotions from missing Jae Lynn at such a huge family marker-moment but tried oh so hard to suppress them and focus on the joy of the occasion.
Been SO busy but just not on this blog. I've missed you!
Here's a few random things on my mind which is very characteristic of my life at the moment:
Tomorrow I finish my part-time job with Univ. of Central Arkansas. They have a full-time position open for the Fall and I wanted to see if I liked working for them! I do, but don't think I want the job. (Which is actually a good thing, because I don't think they want me either! :)
Speaking of jobs,...
I do believe I'm soon to have a normal life with a normal schedule. God has worked things out in a way of complete surprise. (I love it when He does that!) In the nick of time too I tell ya, because I was "this close" to making a royal mess of things though my impatience with my circumstances. More to come when things are a bit more final.
My devo this morning (Acts) reminded me that Jesus never complained when HE was the object of ridicule and torture. However, God takes things very personal when WE are treated with contempt for His name's sake. When was the last time I suffered for His name's sake? Hmmmm,..I can't even recall! Know what that tells me? I don't think I'm living right.
Last Saturday night, I found one of my children in one of the most dangerous spots any of the three have ever been in. Abby was staying with a friend on base and I was to pick her up at the back gate of the Air Force Base. At 10:45 PM, do you know where my 16 year old daughter was when she called me? Alone? ALONE??!! In the commuter parking lot about .2 miles from the back gate. Standing. In the dark. On Hwy 107. Alone. I'm mad all over again just telling you about it.
Casey graduates from University of Arkansas next week. I wish I had the address of that suspicious social/case worker in Delaware who did not want to hand her over to Ralph and I in the middle of the busy Philadelphia airport terminal that day in August 1988.
Did you see that moon last night? I'm tellin ya God really put on a show with those dark clouds blowing across the bright moon. Even though Casey was 200 miles away, I called her to go outside and look so she could enjoy it with me. It's crazy I know, but I wished I could do the same thing with Jae. Send her a message so we could enjoy the moment together. Remember Feivel the mouse as he sang that song "Somewhere out there"? This was me last night....
I have spent a great deal of time and energy lately trying to change things that are uncomfortable for me.
God has given me a particular set of talents, preferences and gifts and I tend to think that I am supposed to "exercise" those most (or all?) of the time. When I find myself thwarted, frustrated, stifled or useless, I tend to think that I need to do something. Fix it! Change the circumstances. Solve the problem. Make myself feel better.
All throughout scripture however, I find that that the hard things we go through can produce the very characteristics which make us much more useful to God.
sigh. The conflict is the point? The discomfort is the plan? The confusion is actually the path?
That's not the popular view of God. I am no theologian, but I am saying that God seems to work this way in my life.
Dear Lord of my life, I am blessed beyond measure. Help me Lord to exercise the Faith I know to be sure. Help me to remember that Your priorities are to be mine in any decision made. Visiting gravesides of my loved ones, I am reminded of what's important in life. Peace Lord! Peace! Keep my eyes on Heaven and my perspective on the Eternal.
I would love to be a late sleeper, but that's usually not possible for me these days. However, one thing which brings me encouragement at the wicked wicked hour of 5:30 am is listening to David Jeremiah's preaching. These past few days, David has been teaching about the 7 churches listed in the book of Revelation. These churches are described as loveless (Ephesus) persecuted(Smyrna) compromising(Pergamos) corrupt(Thyratira) dead(Sardis) faithful(Phildelphia) and lukewarm(Laodiceans)
Of that list, the negative ones seem pretty bad: Compromising? Corrupt? Dead? Where does "Lukewarm" fit?
THAT church (person?) is where God levels His harshest words.
According to scripture, the lukewarm group of people is the type of church body which actually makes God sick and ready to throw-up!
I remember when I was deeply under the weight of grief, I began to experience more passion for God than I had ever felt in my life. If you know my testimony, you know my spiritual struggles were huge. But even in the middle of my questions and deep ponders, I developed a passion for knowing and following God that I had never experienced before.
Why O why does that kind of passion and purpose have to come at such expense?
I am often afraid that I will go back to my old lukewarm days. But here's the deal,..I would have never considered myself lukewarm.
Lukewarm is a mixing of Hot and Cold. A mixture of God and the world? A mixture of Godly behaviors but no genuine love? Heaven bound but embracing this world? Surrounded by the dying and never sharing hope? Waking up every morning with a long "to-do" list while eternal matters are neglected? I know from experience that lukewarm people often don't know they are in danger of making God sick.
Luke 12:34 say: For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I have such treasure in Heaven. I will never be the same.
Bob, his handsome sons and mom Below is Lilly's first Easter pictures! (well kinda....)
Ralph's mom and dad
My brothers and me
Aundra was the first brave one of us to get a tattoo after Jae's wreck.
Job tells us in chapter 19 v 25 on that:
For I know that my redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on this earth; And after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God.
How my heart yearns within me!
Emma loves Abby.
You can tell the feeling is mutual!
This old house was my grandfathers.
We need to tear it down but none of us really want to.
As I looked through the lens to snap this picture, all I could think of was how badly I wished Jae was there too.
Of course, what's an old house without old furniture to drag out?
Casey made some sort of wrapped jalapeno doo-dads.
Can you smell these steaks?
Bob needed a spray bottle of water. He ran into mom's kitchen sink and found a spray bottle under her sink.
"Is this water?" he asked.
Mom told him she didn't know.
Ya know how Bob found out?
He squirted it in his mouth. "Yep", it's water!" and ran back out the door.
I'm glad it wasn't carpet cleaner or furniture polish.
Bob's a pyro like the rest of us and without a doubt holds the record for having to call the fire department.
The smoke here is from him using his new-found water-squirter.
Our church joined with a sister church to perform a musical. I had a solo!
It's easy to sing when you are backed up by 40 great voices.
Needed my glasses for most of the songs.
This lady is a happy singer. One of my fav people in the whole wide world.
WeepySeeds is based on Psalms 126:5-6 which reminds us that we can continue to love and serve God and others in the middle of whatever pain we may have in our lives. Grief and suffering often create a passion for service. Our daily lives can actually become much more rewarding, productive and joyful because of our tears and the lessons we've learned through them.
A harvest of joy from seeds sown during grief?
Yes.
More than anyone,...I'm amazed.
