That's about the time of the morning when I get into my car and head towards work.
The last few weeks have been ones of emotional conflict for me.
Last Saturday, I became involved in a situation at work (the new job which I'm struggling to enjoy) and was pretty dadgum frustrated that this "particular situation" kept me from attending Abby's band competition. I can't share details here because it would involve discussing details of a patient, but by the time I clocked out that evening, I had been stretched physically, emotionally and even spiritually.
Moments later, while in a store running an errand, Ralph called me as he sat in the stands of Forrest City High School when Abby's band marched out onto the field. He held the phone in the air and I listened to her entire band performance as I stood in the frazzlin paint section of WalMart.
I nearly cried with disappointment.
Then late last night, I became involved in another work-related situation which left me feeling exhausted.
and frustrated.
and tired.
and confused.
and scared.
So back to this morning.....
At about 5:45 this morning, I began a long hard talk with myself and had a long wonderful talk with God.
I don't claim to be one of those people who say things like "......AND GOD TOLD ME........."
Nope.
God just doesn't seem to communicate with me that way.
But this morning, I begged God to keep me passionate about life.
I begged Him (literally) to keep me "on the edge" of living all out for Him.
I've been there before and I don't want to be satisfied with anything less.
Lately, I've been spiritually tepid and I hate it.
I want to be fully there....where ever I am.
I want to live with an expectancy of watching Him work.
It's not that I've been doubting God, but more that I've been trying to figure out things by myself.
Just not involving Him much.
Going through the motions, but no real reliance on or use of Faith.
My prayers this morning brought an exciting time of clarity for me.
My situation has not changed at work, and I don't have a clue of what's in store for me, but I'm feeling much more confident that He will hold true to His word of having plans for my hope and my future.
It's all about your heart Becky.
It's all about your heart Becky.
It's all about your heart Becky.
It's all about your heart Becky
1 comment:
Becky, I love your blog and I too am struggling with trying to control and maintain my life including a job that I love and hate at the same time. I don't want to "bother" God with the day to day things in my life..but how stupid am I??? That's exactly what he wants...We had a Women's Conference at our church and the speaker preached on Ephesians 3:20....Now unto Him who is able to IMMEASUREABLY more than we can ASK or IMAGINE, according to HIS power that is at work WITHIN us, to Him be the glory in the Church and Christ Jesus, thoughout all generations, forever and ever Amen. We cannot even imagine what God has for us. What we want is a speck compared to what he wants...we sell Him short sometimes...I pray that we both learn to "bother" Him more....
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