Miss

I miss things.

I used to miss the bus when I was little.
I miss appointments.
I sometimes miss church.
I miss a meal. (rare)
I miss seeing things at the mall.
I miss Donnie and Marie.
I miss seeing a friend when she comes into town.
I miss the oak tree near my dad's garage.
I miss my Mazda with it's 6 disc CD changer.
I miss the moon when it's cloudy.
I miss my jewelry and home movies which were stolen in 1989.
I miss my Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir CD.
I miss owning sheep.
I miss answering the phone in time to know who has called.
I miss Razorback football when it's out of season.
I miss looking young.
I miss good dreams.


I miss Jae.

I don't even like to say the word "miss" and her name at the same time.
It seems to trivialize a horribly deep chasm of loss.

But tell me another word which says the same thing and easily fits into most conversations?
Yearn?
Pine?
Long?


I miss my future grandchildren that I will never know.
I miss her laugh at my dinner table.
and in my car.
and in my living room.
and everywhere else I go.
I miss her living influence on her sisters and cousins.
I miss her singing.
I miss her career. (How is that even possible?)
I miss her enjoyment of things around me.
I miss waking her up in the mornings and singing her to sleep at night.
I miss her when I see her friends living well and I miss her when I see her friends wasting opportunities.
I miss things that I don't even know about.


Blessedly and thanks be I don't always miss her as I've done this week,...but tonight,

I.
Miss.
Yearn for.
Pine for.
Long to see.

Jae Lynn.