Had some things I just had to talk over with God and they wouldn't wait.
Then in my feeble attempt at scripture study at that ridiculous hour, I stumbled across a passage in Lamentations. (an appropriate book for that early hour)
Here's my crack-of-dawn message from chapter 3:
When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.
Enter the silence. (I did)
Bow in prayer. (I did)
Don't ask questions. (I did)
Wait for hope to appear. (Forced to)
Don't run from trouble. (me?)
Take it full-face. (sigh)
The "worst" is never the worst.
Because the Master won't ever walk out and never return.
This is the part I really liked:
He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God hears and answers prayers.
But I also am acutely aware that I don't know the will of God.
I'm always trying to find it.
I've felt most of the times that I'm in it.
I've known the horribleness of being out of it.
But what about when you need answers and are truly trying to do all the right things,...yet there are still no answers or clarity of God speaking.
Facing hard things when you KNOW it's God's will would be do-able.
But for me,.....
the confusion is worse than pain.