Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Early Morning Revival

What were you doing at 5:45 this morning?
That's about the time of the morning when I get into my car and head towards work.

The last few weeks have been ones of emotional conflict for me.
Last Saturday, I became involved in a situation at work (the new job which I'm struggling to enjoy) and was pretty dadgum frustrated that this "particular situation" kept me from attending Abby's band competition. I can't share details here because it would involve discussing details of a patient, but by the time I clocked out that evening, I had been stretched physically, emotionally and even spiritually.

Moments later, while in a store running an errand, Ralph called me as he sat in the stands of Forrest City High School when Abby's band marched out onto the field. He held the phone in the air and I listened to her entire band performance as I stood in the frazzlin paint section of WalMart.
I nearly cried with disappointment.
Then late last night, I became involved in another work-related situation which left me feeling exhausted.
and frustrated.
and tired.
and confused.
and scared.

So back to this morning.....
At about 5:45 this morning, I began a long hard talk with myself and had a long wonderful talk with God.
I don't claim to be one of those people who say things like "......AND GOD TOLD ME........."
God just doesn't seem to communicate with me that way.

But this morning, I begged God to keep me passionate about life.
I begged Him (literally) to keep me "on the edge" of living all out for Him.
I've been there before and I don't want to be satisfied with anything less.
Lately, I've been spiritually tepid and I hate it.
I want to be fully there....where ever I am.
I want to live with an expectancy of watching Him work.
It's not that I've been doubting God, but more that I've been trying to figure out things by myself.
Just not involving Him much.
Going through the motions, but no real reliance on or use of Faith.

My prayers this morning brought an exciting time of clarity for me.
My situation has not changed at work, and I don't have a clue of what's in store for me, but I'm feeling much more confident that He will hold true to His word of having plans for my hope and my future.

It's all about your heart Becky.
It's all about your heart Becky.
It's all about your heart Becky.
It's all about your heart Becky

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Jae's Artistic Church Moments

This afternoon, as I cleaned out some old papers and books from my office,
I found a workbook of Jae's.
She was always prone to doodle and write as she "listened".

Here's my favorite picture and danged if I know how it
and the next one ended up sideways!
Just tilt your head to the right a bit......

I think I recall this moment myself....
(hee hee)

The pic below says
"This is me is 5 minutes"
Is that not the sweetest?

I sat in the floor of my office and missed her with a
physical intensity that made me
short of breath.
I'm still that way tonight.
The world misses her.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Where Have I Been?

I could tell you that I've not blogged because I've been too busy.
It wouldn't be true.

I could say that I've not blogged much recently 'cause I've been depressed about my job issues.
Nope. That wouldn't be true either.

Maybe I haven't blogged because I've had writer's block?
(What is that anyway? Writer's block? I think you have to be a real writer to have "writer's block".)
That rules me out.
No writer's block for me.

How about, I haven't blogged because my Internet went out for almost a week?
Yep. True.
Internet usually goes off anytime the modem gets beat to crumbs. (not me)

Here's a few other (true) reasons :

Cleaning house. (DEEP cleaning house)
(No. I absolutely will NOT come clean yours)
Searching for a new job.
Going to band competitions and practices and games. (the North Pulaski band rocks!)
Mucking horse stables. (Did you know the average horse poops every two hours?)
Chasing horses that get out of old fences.
Watching Fox News.
Sleeping late three mornings in a row. (Heaven!)
Watching my mom's dog (full time. Bad doggy)
Porch swinging.
Texting. (I'm slow)
Watching Spike TV shows about police chases.
Shopping for landscape plants to purchase, plant and kill.
Long talks with Abby and Casey.
Wondering what Jae Lynn is doing in Heaven right now.
Watching home movies.
Wondering where time goes.
Planning my cruise to the Bahamas.
(Not true)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Last Day In Cardiac Rehab

I took a bunch of pictures but can not post most of them because of HIPPA laws.
However, a few photos just have my co-workers.
Here are Daniel and Levi appearing all professional.
These two fellas are notorious for lifting cell phones out of unsuspecting patient's pockets and then changing the screen to their photograph.
I happen to know, however, that they are not angelic as they appear here.
They doctored the above picture on my camera into the photo you see below.
and here you will see that Levi has stolen MY glasses

and Daniel has stolen MY doughnut.

Below is a fuzzy picture of me and Deonna that I would
remove from this blog if I could figure how.
My other nurse co-worker Julie only had her pic taken with other patients
so I can't show her on here.

Glen is my boss. The picture below is a rare one
because he never lets us photograph him.
(Levi stuck his hand around the corner of the door to snap this pic)

Our work station

and the exercise area which is usually FULL of patients!

I deeply love this team and will miss working with them!

My Job

Many of you have asked (thank you) about my job status ever since I mentioned here that the one I loved for the past 3.5 years has "gone away". (grrr)

Here's the scoop:

When my current job in cardiac rehab was phased out, I was promised a job in a small new unit called Cardiac Observation. Basically, it's a place cardiac patients can stay a few hours or perhaps the night while we monitor them.

I already know and love the staff and I don't particularly mind the 12 hours shifts but,.. the bad part is, that I am scheduled to work every other Saturday. Now that I just cain't do!

My humble (but important to me) social calender is booked!

Going to watch the Razorbacks gives me the excuse to go spend the weekend with Casey. Also Abby Rae has band competitions which is the funnest thing I've gotten to be involved in with her. These band competitions rank right up there with Jae's competitive Cheerleading competitions and Casey's ball tournaments.

So. I've been job-hunting.

Three interviews later, I am convinced that for the time being, I am to go on and park my little ole self in the Cardiac Observation Unit for awhile. There is a job on the horizon which I hope will pan out in the next few weeks, but until then,..I will give my patients and co-workers my undivided enthusiasm (which very well could overwhelm them - hee hee).

This week I'm on vacation.
My accomplishments for the week?
I finished off an entire package of Double-Stuff Oreos.

Monday, October 5, 2009

No Nobodies In Heaven

Have you ever wondered how God will be able to pay attention to each one of us in Heaven?
If there are a few million of us there, then how will He even know that I've arrived?
If I'm surrounded by King David, Moses, Mother Teresa, and other saints from past and present, won't I end up being just a big "nobody" in Heaven?

(I know you are probably thinking,..I hope God don't put Becky and her sorry attitude in a mansion near me!)

The other night, Bro David mentioned something about Heaven which made me wonder if Heaven may possible be similar to warm loving family get-togethers here.
Up until the time that daddy passed away over a year ago, my entire family would gather at his house. Not because it was the best home or most convenient location, but we came to 8214 Centennial because daddy and momma were there.
One by one, each family member would arrive. Usually, daddy could hear us on the back porch before we entered the kitchen so his eyes were on the door as we arrived. Some of us arrived alone and some of us entered the front door all wadded up as a group. One of the first things we did on arrival was go to his chair to greet him.
During our family gatherings, we would mill around throughout the house laughing and talking to each other, sometimes speaking directly to daddy, sometimes talking to others near his chair and sometimes out of his sight. Regardless, we knew that we were a loving family and we were bound together through our strongest link,...our "patriarch".

If daddy spoke with Bobby or David, I didn't get jealous....I knew he loved each of us.
If daddy was having a conversation with one of the grandchildren, there was no one who was impatiently tapping a foot.
There was no competition for his attention. We all felt that it was simply good enough to be near him.

As the family circle grew larger through marriages and births, the family grew louder and love was multiplied. It grew harder and harder to get all of us together at the same time, but no matter who was missing, the family was incomplete without each person there.
Joyful and loving, but aware of absences.
I recall the days when we had each member there at the table. It was incredibly satisfying.

Maybe Heaven will be like that. Fellowship with each other will be taken to an entirely new dimension, but the best part will be that it will all happen in the "Presence" of God.
Being together,...and near Him will be enough.
He won't have to be giving me undivided attention for me to feel His love.

I bet He can't wait until we are all sitting at His supper table.
I imagine that He is enjoying the ones at his feet and His chair, but He is also aware of each one of us that's missing.

I can identify.