Wednesday, October 3, 2012

A Letter To Me

Dear Me,

Well here you are 25 years after. 
Who would have thought it?
Not you.

25 years ago, you, who seldom gets super stressed about anything, almost fainted with worry and anxiety over a 7 pound baby locked away in the back room of your hospital's nursery. 
She was protected and hidden from you but mostly all your friends who were abuzz with excitement at the prospect of  an unexpected adoption and who kept running up to the hospital nursery for a glimpse of "Becky's baby"  (who wasn't Becky's baby at that time).

What a day that was.

But today? 
Well,...days like today simply aren't imagined. 

Like those Spring days in 2004, I know you still wonder how this happened.  The question seems bizarre, I know you don't speak it out loud to many people.  You  know what happened,..yet you still struggle with the reality.  It jumbles up your mind, but don't worry,..most people won't notice.

You go on out to her grave and remember the good stuff.  And you know what?  Go ahead and remember that bad stuff too.  Because it's a good reminder of how far you have come.   

Today, you can be thankful that you no longer hit your knees about halfway across the cemetery and have to crawl and sob the rest of the way to her grave.
Today, the memories of wonderful moments are not full of torture at the thought of never making more..
Today, you can dream and ponder Heaven without praying to go there.
You are doing well at family gatherings, holding hands in prayer and being thankful for those still present rather than focusing on the ones already home.
You are rich in friends.  Rich I say!  The relationships are deep and truly wonderful.
Today, is good.

Today, treasure the thought of being her mom and enjoy the gifts of her presence in your life. 
Of all the moms in the world, got to be Jae's.
She lives still.
Keep going Becky.  Altho things aren't always easy,..neither are they always hard.
Who would have thought it?