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Did I ever show this picture? This is Casey's half-brother.

They found each other a couple of years ago

and I'm fascinated by how alike the look and act.

Abby's close band friend, Amy (on your left)

Casey's good friends.
The one she is hugging also loved and was loved by Jae as well.
Below are my squillion year old friends.
Been together since Jr. High.

This young thing below is one of my NEW friends.
Teri works with me in my educational role at the hospital and is also one
the best ICU nurses that ever cared for a patient.

No excuses.

I've been busy but just not on this site.
I've been emailed and called by several friends to start again and I'll tell ya that it makes me feel warm and fuzzy to know I've been missed.


Here's a few things on my mind:


*******

Casey made some cupcakes the other night that looked exactly like big rats.
On purpose.
I requested that she cover them up during the night.
She also made a pound cake which she didn't like 'cause she says "It tastes like butter".
Does that make sense to you?

*******

Abby has been a competing fool. Her band has already marched in 4 competitions and did "the big one" this past Saturday. They consistently get excellent ratings and do "Elvis" proud as they play his songs.
She also is in drama "compet". Poetry, mime, improv, etc.
Her first event got her all revved up for more. Good thing because she is scheduled for one a month until summer!


*******

Abby had to write her very own personal "Declaration of Independence" for an history assignment. It was great fun to do with her. One of her declarations was to "declare herself free from ever singing again the old hymn "To The Work". Know that one?

It encourages us all to worketh and cometh and is filled with loooooooong awkward pauses.

I'm so inspired.


*******

Ralph and I entered into negotiations and finally purchased a small piece of land.

I spent a few minutes walking it a day or two ago and am positive that the last 5 tornadoes in Pulaski County deposited every piece of loose debris directly onto that small half acre of land.

Oh! It also has a storm cellar.....

Filled to the brim with water.


Ralph has kinda not paid attention to me when I told him how ridiculously junked up the place was. This afternoon, he sent me a text message which said:
You win.
We need a bulldozer.
I had no idea.


*******

The burn ban here in this county is ruining my life.
As we traveled to Jonesboro the other day, the farmers in that area were burning their fields.
Legally.
I think I need to buy a farm.
1000's of acres were burning.
Big Beautiful Flames and good-smelling smoke.
I rolled my window down for a whiff and sent up a prayer for a deep drenching long rain in our neck of the woods.

See?
God cares about stuff like that!
It rained for 36 hours just this week.


*********

The first street you come to as you enter Jonesboro is called "Wimpy Avenue".
None of the men (or women!) in my family could or would ever live there.



********

A note of good news:
Sunbeam makes an electric blanket with no brain.
It gets warm when you tell it to.


************

A note of bad news:
Yesterday I saw two cats in my barn.
Folks,..that's real bad.
B.C. can stay because he/she has learned to take care of him/herself but I'm gonna sic Ralph's hairy daughter on the other one.

*********

My spiritual journey trivia:
I'm working on Leadership and Management skills in my professional life and it just so happens that I am also studying the book of Joshua.
That man was some kind of great leader!

I'm also reminded why I could never come to grips with the theology that says that
"God is a peaceful and loving God. He would never let something like______ happen".
Joshua is a wonderful story of God's provision and faithfulness but it's also an absolutely brutal and bloody book.

AND by the way,...

The book of Joshua starts with God telling him to "Take the shoe off his foot".
huh?
Did Joshua only have ONE FOOT?
Well THAT would be mean, wouldn't it, for God to then tell him to go MARCH around Jericho!?!


*****

It's good to be blogging again.
I've missed you.

My Crazy Life

Been SO busy but just not on this blog.
I've missed you!

Here's a few random things on my mind which is very characteristic of my life at the moment:

Tomorrow I finish my part-time job with Univ. of Central Arkansas. They have a full-time position open for the Fall and I wanted to see if I liked working for them! I do, but don't think I want the job.
(Which is actually a good thing, because I don't think they want me either! :)

Speaking of jobs,...

I do believe I'm soon to have a normal life with a normal schedule.
God has worked things out in a way of complete surprise. (I love it when He does that!)
In the nick of time too I tell ya, because I was "this close" to making a royal mess of things though my impatience with my circumstances.
More to come when things are a bit more final.


My devo this morning (Acts) reminded me that Jesus never complained when HE was the object of ridicule and torture. However, God takes things very personal when WE are treated with contempt for His name's sake.
When was the last time I suffered for His name's sake?
Hmmmm,..I can't even recall!
Know what that tells me?
I don't think I'm living right.

Last Saturday night, I found one of my children in one of the most dangerous spots any of the three have ever been in. Abby was staying with a friend on base and I was to pick her up at the back gate of the Air Force Base.
At 10:45 PM, do you know where my 16 year old daughter was when she called me?
Alone?
ALONE??!!
In the commuter parking lot about .2 miles from the back gate.
Standing.
In the dark.
On Hwy 107.
Alone.
I'm mad all over again just telling you about it.

Casey graduates from University of Arkansas next week.
I wish I had the address of that suspicious social/case worker in Delaware who did not want to hand her over to Ralph and I in the middle of the busy Philadelphia airport terminal that day in August 1988.

Did you see that moon last night? I'm tellin ya God really put on a show with those dark clouds blowing across the bright moon. Even though Casey was 200 miles away, I called her to go outside and look so she could enjoy it with me.
It's crazy I know, but I wished I could do the same thing with Jae. Send her a message so we could enjoy the moment together.
Remember Feivel the mouse as he sang that song "Somewhere out there"?
This was me last night....

Weekend Reflections

Went to Fayetteville this week-end to spend time with Casey. The Hogs just happened to play so I watched them too.
Here's some random reflections from the weekend.
**************************************
Casey cleaned her apartment in anticipation of our arrival. Imagine that.

Breakfast at the Cracker Barrel is a great date.

The lady who sat next to me at the football game cried during the National anthem.

Casey's roommate is an Interior Design major. She's been "in studio" now for about 36 hours straight. Her schedule the past two semesters has been insane.
Mama's...don't let your babies grow up to be Interior Designers.

Every single coach and manager on the South Carolina Football team wears their pants about 4 inches too long.

If Jae were still with us, she would more than likely be a senior cheerleader at some university.

Casey plans, travels and roams because she still grieves deeply.

Abby is right now, the same age as Casey was when we lost Jae.

I am reminded that some of the most important jobs I can do or my girls is to pray, love and listen.

Anytime I see sunrises, sunsets, pretty moons, rainbows or storms,..I wonder what it all looks like from Heaven's viewpoint.

I love to come home.

I found out that we now have the BET channel on our TV.

Oh joy. Another channel to block.

Abby still fits nicely in my lap.

And lastly,.....a moment form the Hogs football game that I always look forward to.....

.

New Things For Me

I have wondered for about a year now about whether my current employment is where God wants me to be. It is not that I dislike my job,..no no. In fact, if you knew my co-workers and my work environment,..you would be envious. I have never worked with such a dynamic and cohesive team.
For 36 hours, the 6 of us work in a room smaller than most of our living rooms.
The TV is going, we have 8-10 fans on high, we have 6-12 patients entering and exiting every hour, treadmills are humming, recumbent bikes and ellipticals are whirring and great conversation and laughter is a constant.
So why do I wish to leave?
I don't.
But I have just had this feeling that I may be supposed to do something else.
What?
I have no idea.

Yesterday, I was told that my job would be cut from our unit. (go ahead....gasp!)
Of all of us,..I have been at the Baptist system the longest, (almost 30 years) but in my department,..I am the newbie.
It's the fair way.
I've been given 3 weeks.
3 weeks?!!

Now that's pretty exciting isn't it?

My fingers nearly ran through my bible to find this passage this morning:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
(Phil:4:6-7)

What The Teachers Did Right

Our church is hosting a "Teacher appreciation" luncheon for the elementary teachers at our school across the road.
I am bringing crackers.
Crackers.

As I drove home from the grocery store, it occurred to me that crackers is a teeny tiny, too small of a thing to bring to the teachers who invested so much into the lives of my daughters, nieces and nephews.

They pour their lives into my children for years and I bring them crackers?

That's not a fair trade-off.

If Jae, Casey and Abby's teachers were right here in front of me, I would tell them this:

1. Thank you for the field trips, even though they were a lot of trouble. Most were educational, but they all created wonderful memories.
2. Thank you for requiring 30 minutes of reading 5 nights a week. That graded "homework" created a love for reading like no other assignment. You let them read whatever they wanted to and let them keep their own time-sheet. It was homework which created hours of close family time as we lay side-by-side reading books.
3. Thank you for using encouraging endearments and giving them affirming nicknames.
4. Thank you for laughing loudly when they are funny.
5. Thank you for not laughing when they would be embarrassed.
6. Thank you for playing with them at recess and occasionally eating with them at lunch time.
7. Your lesson plans which included art and music were worth the trouble. We talked about those often at our supper table.
8. Thank you for noticing that she needed glasses. How in the world did I miss that?
9. I am grateful that you have not tolerated mean and screaming co-workers in the other class rooms. Your professional peer pressure has kept the standards high.
10. I have been inspired as I observed you show God's love to kids who have never seen it or felt it before.
11. You daily teach and role model some of the most important lessons which are not found in the text-books. Important things such as... how to work through friend-squabbles, how to treat another child who does not wear deodorant and why we should give valentines to every child in the room. Many of the friendships formed in those classrooms have followed them throughout their life.
12. I really appreciatle how you encourasged me to keep "doing music" in their classrooms. I would have quit in a heartbeat if you hadn't told me what a big deal it was to the kids.
13. Your soft touch on their arm or their head has often spoken much louder than your words.
14. Even today, years after leaving your classroom, they love it when they appear in your doorway and you stop your class to introduce them as "one of your favorites".
15. Thank you for letting all of Lauren Lee's classmates skip school for several days after her death. They all desperately needed the time playing together in our yard.
16. It's odd to say that a good memory can be recalled from a child's funeral, but I will forever be grateful for the large number who filed in and sat together at Jae's funeral. Thank you for sobbing with me at such a loss.

Each of my children's paths were nurtured for hours in your care and I truly am grateful for your help as we formed them into the beautiful young women they now are.
They may look ordinary but they are the beloved daughters of the King of all Creation.

This first day of school, as you look out across your classroom full of fresh faces, remember that you are one of the most powerful people in this world.
Your influence will live for generations.

With deep appreciation
and crackers........,

Jae, Casey and Abby's mom

I Found My Camera!

Quick! I have to use the camera before Abby knows it's been discovered! It's just a matter of time til the camera story begins.

Here is Caleb.

The closest thing to a grandchild we have.

My kids used to put this very bowl on their little heads.

Abby's throwing gang signs at our kitchen table.

You can tell her daddy is very impressed.

One of my wonderful patients made this butterfly house for me.
The little butterflies perch on the posts below the slits,
then they fold up their wings and enter to lay their eggs.
I can't recall the exact science involved, but if you remember,...
the eggs eventually change into a cocoon
which then morphs into a new beautiful butterfly.
Did you dear readers know that the "Butterfly"
is the official symbol of The Bereaved parents?

This will go into Jae's memorial garden which you can kinda see behind the porch swing.

Bought the metal sign below at a flea market.
I told Ralph I wanted it on the front of the house.
I kinda meant somewhere "unobtrusive".
It is now eye level by the front door.
I love that man.

I let Sophie out this morning and she chased some type of varmit into Jae's garden.
The hunt was on!
Heidi joined in and began ferreting out something under the rock.
The two of them have dug around the rock seat until it is almost falling over.
You can't see it real well, but there's a huge hound dog nose sticking under the rock.

Note the weed.
If I plant flowers, Heidi eats them in minutes.
Weeds however, will live there forever.


Below are my yard ornamanets.
One RV, one Back hoe and one 4 wheeler.

Now don't be jealous.

The 4 wheeler hasn't moved since it died there two years ago.

And I gauran-durn-tee you that the backhoe won't start tomorrow.

Dream Job

I found a neat quote from this guy named Perry.

He said:
"If you aren't working your dream job, resign today!"

I'm not sure I would always agree,..but it's still good to think about!
(Guys like Perry wear me out)

Hoxie, Houston and Small Churches

Dear readers,
I have a theological question for you.
I asked my Pastor and some friends this morning and the discussion got very lively.

Is a small church doing something wrong if it is not growing in numbers?

No matter the location.
Here in the Southern U.S. or maybe in the jungles of the Congo.

This all started yesterday when I went to another Band competition with Abby.
The "Fabulous Falcon Marching Band" won FOURTEEN (14!) trophies.

At this competition, there was a itty bitty school called " Hoxie" which had about 15-20 performers/musicians. I missed their performance but I heard that they were wonderful!

Then there was a rich school from Germantown, TN called "Houston High School" with 224 performers/musicians. This band,..man you shoulda seen it! They had synthesisers, electric guitars, scaffolds, smoke machines and an adult "pit crew" who had to set up the field before their arrival. They put on a show which rivals the older university bands I've seen.
(By the way,...the Fabulous Falcon Marching Band won more trophies that Houston)
(stop it Becky. Stop. You're bragging)

If I was a kid from Hoxie, it would be hard to not compare my band program to Houston High's.

Back to the church question.
Is a small church doing something wrong if it is not growing?

(I don't know if my thinking wears other people out, but it sure does me.)

I Wish I could Dance

If I were a dancer, I'm sure I would dance like this:

Neti Pot

I have found some good news for anyone suffering with sinus problems!

WARNING! WARNING!

This video is not for the faint of heart.

In fact,..I just may lose a few readers after this.

But I have to tell ya,....the nurse in me is fascinated!

(You know,..kinda like a train wreck fascinates people,...)

Wonderfully Different

Did you ever feel like you just did not belong?

Ever felt like you were,.....kind of "out there?"

This particular type of tree is actually known for it's symmetry, yet here we have a small limb which is probably irritating the owners of the land as well as motorists who pass by. I wonder if they think this small shoot of wayward leaves is "messing up" the desired appearance?

I have been observing this tiny limb grow for several seasons now and I am quite fond of it.

It reminds me to appreciate the differences in the people that I love.
It reminds me to enjoy the variety of people that I come into contact with who may not look or act like me.

It helps me to consider that I would have never seen it if it had grown like the other limbs. It is God's gift to me.

I am actually afraid for this little limb. I expect any day for some tree pruner to climb up a ladder and cut him off.

"There!" they would say as my beautiful limb falls into the ditch. "Now the tree looks better!"

This world is hard on those who are different.

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Psalms 139:14

The Middle Mile

Long time no blog! It's good to be back.

I am in mental disarray. For no real apparent reason and for no single particular thing. I'm just feeling pretty unorganized to the point that I am overwhelmed at the things I need to attend to. Do you ever get like that?

It could be that I am physically spent over a 24 hour virus that blew through my family this past weekend. All four of us.
It was ugly.

Anyway,..the feeling of "going nowhere" is also something my kids are dealing with too. I find myself being their cheerleader and encourager, but I hear them voicing the same frustrations that I feel.

One of my favorite quotes is:
"The middle mile is the hardest".

The middle mile is where our day to day lives are lived. No big battles. No big victories. Accomplishments are often not appreciated. For instance,..laundry? clean house? paying bills? They are tedious tasks, but who really sees or cares that those jobs are done? Others will surely notice if they are NOT done, but rarely are those tasks applauded. Yet, they take time.

The middle mile is where some of us are with our relational issues.
Stuck.
Going nowhere.
Relationships with our loved ones, friends, and especially God, are at the bottom of the our "To Do" lists.
Just no time! Got to run that errand!
Meanwhile, our priorities languish as we shop at Wal-Mart.

The middle mile is where some of us are contented.
What a great feeling to know we are in the center of His will.

The middle mile is where it seems hard to make changes.
Change-making is risky business.
Why,....What will others think?

The middle mile of parenting.
Now there's a real challenge.
Where exactly is "the middle" of raising your kids? When are we halfway there?
Us moms and dads show up every day for a job that will never end.

The Godly life may be difficult in our culture, but God expects it nonetheless.
In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus gives us our real job as we live here on Earth:
Love God first, Love others second.

I am surrounded by family and friends who also are in their middle mile.
May we all travel with God's priorities and not our own!

Praise be to God for all He has done for me.
I love you friends.

God's Will

Just because something is important to us, does that make it important to God? I usually would say quickly and with confidence "YES!", but tonight, as I pray, I find myself wondering.
Wondering if we sometimes throw our energy into things which are good, but are not necessarily in God's grand scheme of life.

In God's epic plan, are there things which are of zero importance?
Yes?
Then we very could be spitting into the wind with some time consuming pet projects or hobbies.
How depressing.


In God's epic plan, is every tiny detail of our existence eternally important?
Yes?
Then we can assume that they either succeed or fail based on His perfect will.

I'm leaning towards the latter. There are so very many scriptures which use the words "All" or "Everything" or "Anything" or "Always" or etc,......
It is good for me to get into those scriptures and remind myself that my definition of success and failure is not the same as God's. He intends for all of life's circumstances and situations to bring us closer to Him so we can be conformed to His image.

My daily life is not about me.
It is not about my interests and projects.
It is about Him.

The Antique Store Owner

On a trip to Hot Springs today, I passed a large antique store which had a huge banner declaring that it was

"GOING OUT OF BUSINESS!".

"SALE!"

Usually that type of store does not make me turn my car around, but today, for some reason, it did.

I have been in several antique stores in my life, but this one is the mother of all antique stores in Central Arkansas.
It did not have aisles, it had tunnels.

The piles and stacks covered almost every square inch of wall and floor space. Hundreds of items hung from the ceiling. There were so many antiques that most were not even visible. I was afraid to touch anything for fear it would trigger an avalanche of dusty doors, windows, pictures, bed rails, cans, tools and a thousand other assorted things that were stacked (or thrown) 8-10 feet above my head.
This is the truth,.....OSHA would probably close it down as a hazard to the public.

The elderly owner did not see me come in but somehow found me in one of the tunnels. He began to chatter and asked me if I needed anything.
"Nope. Just browsing".
My standard answer when I shop.
I like to shop alone.
He did not get the hint.

He followed me though each burrow and provided a constant stream of conversation, peppering me with questions and volunteering the history of every piece I showed an interest in. He kept insisting that I must be looking for something particular.
"Barber chairs and telephones booths!" I said, convinced that he would have neither.
I was wrong.
He had both.
He told me "But my telephone booth is in the back in storage and is not ready to sell"
I laughed out loud!
Storage?
Storage!
If the store looked like this,..then what, in Heaven's name, would his storage be like?

Several times, as I meandered and he followed, I inquired about the phone booth and each time, he was insistent: He would not sell it.
For some reason,..that frustrated me.
And I did not even want the stupid phone booth.

I wanted to tell him how crazy it was that he had a store full of a million things that he obviously was not interested in selling.
I wanted to tell him his ridiculous prices were the reason his store was so full.
I wanted to ask him why he would advertise a "sale" and then be cantankerous about the one thing I was interested in.
I wanted to tell him that I was a nurse and we have big medical names for people who hoard stuff.

Hours have passed now, and I am not longer aggravated at this peculiar old man.
I am amused.
It is, after all, his store and he can run his insane business however he chooses.
It is not my business,..it is his business.

Maybe his goal for each day is to get a customer to drop in so he can frustrate them by NOT selling anything to them! I can hear it now:
"Honey, how was your day at the shop?"
"Oh it was great dear. I had three customers come in but I kept all our stuff and sent them out the door irritated!"

I love to try to relate stories like this to some kind of life lesson.
Tonight, however, I am a bit stumped.
I am going to ponder it for awhile.

Mighty Friends

Yesterday, eating lunch with a co-worker, he saved the very best piece of his lunch for his last bite. I remarked to him and others there that my mom used to do the same thing at our supper table.
Mom would cut and trim around a pork chop or a steak so she could savor and anticipate that last good bite. Unfortunately, my dad would also be watching her do this and I can't count the number of times I saw him reach in quickly with his fork, stab her last bite, stuff it in his mouth and then grin at her!
We all always got a huge kick out of watching my mom's pretended outrage as she laughingly yelled at him "You took my ewe lamb!"
The thing is, that as I recalled these memories to my co-workers,..they looked at me with blank or confused looks.

"Ewe lamb?"

Well THEN I told them that the ewe lamb reference was from the story of King David. It was the centerpiece of a story which Nathan the prophet had used to bring about conviction into David's heart about his sin with Bathsheba and Uriah.
They were unfamiliar with the story, so I gave them the condensed version.
Well THEN, I told them that Uriah was one of King David's 30 "Mighty Men", which were known for loving an protecting him. David ended up having him killed!
THEN, because I work with some really manly men, I began to tell some of the cool things about these 30 mighty men of King David's.

(I try to think linear straight thoughts. I really do, but it just doesn't work for me)

Now, since yesterday at lunch, I have been thinking of friends and friendships.

My devotional this morning consisted of transferring some written notes from one bible into another, and I chose to work on the book of Job. When I go back and read my handwritten entries in the margins of my bible, I always recall the learning that took place there. Much of my learning in that great book were lessons on friendship. My opinion from studying Job, is that he did not have very good "Mighty Friends".

I have heard it said that:
"you can go all of our life and only have two or three really close friends in your life.
If you have two or three close friends, then you are blessed indeed."

Well I disagree!

The 30 or so "mighty men" of King David are spoken of at length in II Samuel 23. Those friends came to him as an adult, and it seems that many of them may not have been present when David became King. They were there for a time, and then they were away. No longer friends with him? Don't really know, but I suspect that they all were still very loyal to each other, in spite of time or distance apart.

That's how it is with my friends.
Some friendship were forged in my childhood. Although many are merely acquaintances, some of those childhood relationships are strong until this day.
Some friendships came to me as a teenager, when my social circle began to widen. Most of those relationships have simply "gone away" but a few friendships made there are enjoyable in spite of 30 years of separation.
In my adult life, most of my friendships came from either work or church. Those two places were where I spent the majority of my time and effort, so we had that commonality.
Living life together.

Some friends have stayed with me over my lifespan, and indeed some of them would be in my "mighty three", but I have some newer friends who have changed me for the better and constantly urge me towards God. They, too, would be considered my closest.
I can not imagine living life without either group.

I am grateful to God for childhood friends.
My professional friends are mighty indeed. Gifted with the inspirational combination of mercy and expertise.
I am thankful for the friendships formed while sitting in bleachers and at softball fields watching my girls.
The friendships formed while in my pit of grief I cherish like no other.
I have friends who have wounded me deeply, and I'm sure that I have done my share of inflicting wounds on others. The recollection of both are painful.
Some of my best friendships are with family members.
Some friends are Godly,..some are hell bound.
Crazy I know, but some of my friends don't know me at all (yet!). There are people who I have a huge affection for, but have never met.

One or two close friends makes one rich? I think not!
I am blessed to have been surrounded by "mighty friends" at almost every phase of my life.

I hope my friends never need me to slay 800 people in one day (II Sam 23:8) or kill a lion in a pit on a snowy day ( v 20). If that's their need, then, God help them 'cause I doubt I'd be able.

Lord, help me to be a powerful mighty friend to those I love and to those who love me. Open my eyes to see the needs, and enlarge my Faith so that I can help you meet them.
Make me "mighty"!
Amen.

Soul deficiencies

Note the time of this post. It is early. Especially since I have already been up for over a couple of hours. It is a good thing for you, my few readers, that I do not write the moment that I find myself unable to sleep. The thoughts that often drive me out of sleep and ultimately out of the bed are often ones which would condemn me to the closest nut house.

ONE of the subjects on my bitty mind this night has been related to my work. You see, my small Cardiac Rehabilitation Unit is undergoing a National inspection/re-certification process which must be done every few years so that we are "Credentialed".
"Certified".
"Qualified".
"Standard".
"Good enough for Medicare funds".

Basically, we are given a 20 page, 10 font document filled with hundreds of requirements, details and legal-speak which must demonstrate our daily work and prove that we are following all the National standards that have been set forth by the AACVPRA.
Yes, that's right...The AACVPRA. All of those letters represent a group of people whom we have never met, yet who will decide whether we are fit to deliver care at the North Little Rock Hospital.
We have been working for weeks to put together one notebook which holds examples of our work, examples of our forms, and the answers to all of the questions which they have asked. We will send this huge important document to this group of strangers who will then hold our professional fate in their hands for weeks before they let us know if we have any "deficiencies".
We are scared to death.
But we need their input to survive in health care.

I wish there was a place to go where I could get a list of requirements for me for a fruitful Godly life. One list of must-do's and specific examples which explain what my life should look like. Yes,..yes,..I KNOW I have the Bible, but to me, the examples there are confusing and leave a lot to the interpretation.
One great Bible character may do something one way and God is pleased.
Another great character does things a different way and God is pleased.
Then there may be a greater Bible character who does something and God is not pleased.

I have struggled for almost 4 years with this whole "will of God" thing. My searching for God's will has often been about the past, but now,..now I find that I am concerned for the future of me and those I love.
There is much at stake. I must get this right.

There are times when I feel like I am making progress on becoming "qualified", and then I come across another situation which makes me think I don't have a clue what I am doing in the Christ-following business.

I wish sometimes that I would just be given a list of deficiencies that I have and then I would know what to fix.
I know many of them all too well, but is there something large or small that I don't see?
There must be.

I get up in the morning thinking "I am going to change the world".
But after a few hours, I find myself feeling and thinking " I am going to bed as soon as I am able".

Philippians 4:6-7(the Message)
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will settle you down.

I think those two verses will be my plan for my 30 minute ride into work.

Resolutions

New Years Resolutions.
Something vague to talk about in passing.
Realistic goals without a plan for achievement.
No specific process to ensure success.
Phooey.

There are things I want done in this next 365 days. Actually less than that, since it's the 5th of Jan. But we can add a day since it's a leap year!
Anyway!
A good friend (thank you K.) informed me with a wave of her hand that my two resolutions were too "vague" "Not specific enough" "Those won't take me anywhere" "Not personal enough".

Well alrighty then!
I have made some more.
Of course I have some more!
I have deep desires every single day of the year to do things better. Don't we all?

A teenager once gave a short devotional at our church and I will never forget one of the things he said: You should never be afraid to do what God wants you to do,..but you better always be afraid when you are NOT obeying Him".

It feels good to have a plan. Or at least to refocus my attention to what I really consider important.
What are my priorities in life?
Am I neglecting any of them?
How?
What is keeping me from doing what I need to do?

Last time that I really made the list of priorities, it set in motion a career change.
Man.
I hope that doesn't happen this time.

More from beneath the bridge

There was another incident which came mere moments after the women and hot coffee incident described in my earlier post.

It involved two men who, for some reason, began to argue. Their tension with each other escalated quickly until they were physically fighting and grappling with each other.

One large, handsome black man ran up to them and got between them to break up the fight. This man attempted to talk some sense into them, but they would have none of it.

Eventually, one of the men went a short distance away to retrieve a lead pipe. His attempt, I assume, to win the fight.

The peacemaker man screamed to all of us "people with cell phones to call 911 because someone is 'bout to get cut!"

We were a bit unsure of what to do, but he helped us along by calmly screaming "DID YOU HEAR ME CHURCH PEOPLE? I SAID YOU BETTER CALL 911!!"

We all suddenly seemed to know what to do.
Ten of us at once began fumbling around in our pockets, and one of us reached the police (or, as they say, the POLE-eece) and alerted them to the impending head-smashing.

The news that the POLE-eece were on the way seemed to take the fight out of Mr. Lead pipe, because he took his pipe and left.

After it all kind of died down, I asked the peacemaker what his name was.

"DeWayne."

When I complimented him on his ability to restore order, he told me that "most people just wanted to be treated with a little respect. However," he said "I still have a can of whup-ass in my pocket and I ain't afraid to pull it out and use it".

He told me that he had been clean and sober for two and a half years and that he attended church in North Little Rock.

I wished he went to mine.

We don't really need what's in his can, but church would certainly be more interesting.

Lessons under the bridge

This morning at 7 a.m., the youth workers and the youth group that we are attempting to lead had an appointment. On the last Saturday of each month, we are scheduled to assist with an established ministry that feeds breakfast to the homeless underneath the Broadway Bridge in North Little Rock. I say that we attempt to lead this group of young people, because this morning, three adults and zero teenagers showed up.
Did I say on my blog profile that I am amused by teenagers? Scratch that this morning.

It is a good thing, I think, to get out of our warm safe living rooms and do something other than go shopping or out to eat. It is a good thing for me at least. It has changed me.

The first time we drove under the bridge, I expected to see a dozen or more men that we would serve. Instead, what I saw, was about 100 men and women milling around. Some were physically ill. Some were obviously mentally ill. Most were gracious and pleasant. They were tired and cold. Hardened, but helpful,...they converged onto the truck to assist with the unloading of tables and food.
We set up a line of eggs, sausage, biscuits and gravy. Hot coffee and OJ. This morning was the holidays, so we served grits and had several crates of grape juice! The guests get as much as they want, and in fact, the cooks make sure there are leftovers.
Our teens are usually right there on the serving line, dishing up the food.

A typical morning under the bridge is pretty uneventful.
Not this morning.

At the end of the serving line, there is always a place where we stack books. This morning's book pile included several copies of a book entitled "The Art of Abundance". I thought it an odd book to take to a homeless population, but I was humbled by the number of them who knew the book, had read the book and wanted their own copy.
"The Art of Abundance" will definitely be on my "to read" list for 2008.

I was amused by a man who wanted "light" gravy, because he was watching his cholesterol levels.
He lives under a bridge and he is worried about heart disease?
Say it ain't so.

Two particular women stand out in this homeless group. One is very frail, weak and mentally ill. She is quick to smile but mostly keeps to herself. The others call her "touched", but obviously care deeply for her. She is often the first to get "new clothes" from the huge bags of clothes brought for all.
The other woman is mean-spirited. The nurse in me notices that she is also physically ill. She breaks in line, grabs things out of peoples hands and hoards the handouts. The other men and women seem to give her a wide berth. She is always alone.

This morning, for some reason, the mean woman chose to abuse the frail woman by dumping hot coffee down over her head and onto her clothes. The frail, weak woman cried out and the entire place erupted into a screaming mob. Some of the homeless converged onto the frail woman, assisting her out of her wet clothes and checking her for injuries from the heat of the coffee.
The rest of the turned their anger onto the mean woman,. They called her names that I have never heard and strung more cuss words into one sentence than I thought possible. The verbal assault on her continued as she slouched away and was out of sight.
Alone again.

The frail one received "new" clothes from the bag and from her friends as they even offered and gave her their "new" clothes off of their backs. I was reminded of what I heard on the radio as I got dressed for this morning (Really. I am not making this up. I heard this on the radio at about 6:45 this morning.) "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy". I thought then that the message was for me. That I was getting ready this morning to go show some mercy.
Bless my heart. (sing song voice)

Instead, I was given a front row seat to observe the best show of mercy that I have witnessed in a long time.
My homeless brothers and sisters made the Bible passage come alive.

Profanity and all.

Peace

Here, four days before Christmas, I find myself at peace, and I am inclined to think that it will remain here with me for the duration of this holiday season. I am grateful for it's presence.

There is a chance that it could be sucked right out of me if I enter the McCain mall or even the parking lot, but I don't think so. I went in yesterday and was at one of those sales counters where there are no lines,..you know,..the kiosk in the middle of the mall and where the workers roam around in the middle. Yesterday, there, it seemed as if everyone were getting waited on but me. Obviously not fair. And I just had a question,.."Do you sell so-n-so?" (the answer was no)

Anyway, while not getting waited on, I observed the worried, frustrated and frantic faces of others. They just looked like they were working way harder than me. At life.

Maybe that's it. Maybe I am not peaceful, but just lazy.

"Peace on Earth. Goodwill towards man". The angels were announcing the good news. In the middle of wars, pain, divorce, suffering, illness, and death, the angels knew that what we needed on this Earth was personal peace and the ability to love each other.

God with us.

I am grateful for His presence. Then and now.