Monday, June 21, 2010

Obscurity Is A Myth

Just this past week, I enjoyed a week of being alone in my home.

Ralph and both girls went to church camp (2 chaperone's, 1 camper) in South Carolina, and I had a great time all by myself. The bad thing however, is that at night time, I am not used to being alone in the old creaky house with multiple doors, hallways and rooms.
I found myself wishing for company.
Got that old 25 caliber pistol and put it on the nightstand, but it's not something that actually inspires a good night's sleep.
(I especially hate it when my hairy daughter stands on the edge of the bed in the middle of the night and softly "woofs".)

After our summer campers got home from their church camp, they were exhuasted and were desperate to get home so I volunteered to clean the church van.







The next night, I drove it home from the church parking lot and opened the doors:
At least 25 bottles of half empty bottles, hair doo-dads, wet towels, 3 dirty socks, 1 tennis shoe, a pair of soured wet swim trunks, 15-20 ink pens, multiple bags of cheezits and an opened box of cocoa-puffs (thank you Abby) which emptied and sent 50,000 of them rolling to the front of the van every time the brakes were hit and then rolled to the back on each acceleration.
All the way to South Carolina and back.
As I cleaned the van last night in 100 degree heat/humidity, I was feeling pretty alone.
Whine whine whine
pant pant pant pant
According to the dictionary,
"Obscure" means "..unknown, unimportant or having no meaning..."

But according to 2 Chronicles 16:9, God's eyes are constantly searching to make us strong in every job if our heart is right.

My heart...not my activity.

Is anything obscure in a life of following God?

Part of me is uneasy with the idea that I'm truly never alone and God and Heaven's occupants are always watching me.
Remember that I think Earth is a stage.

But I'm also inspired by the idea that every moment matters to Him.
To God, there are no obscure followers.

That thought, friend, made me feel better last night as I washed the
Bayou Meto Baptist church van in the dark.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Lies And Wishes

Tonight, I was pilfering through Jae's room searching for some pictures and Abby came in to talk.
Loooonnnnng conversation.
There were lots of thoughts and questions about what Jae Lynn is like right now.

If you have followed this blog for any time, you will recall that my obsession with Jae's after-death whereabouts led me on an intense and in-depth search for information about Heaven.

That is an understatement.

By no means do I think that I am now an expert, but I have personally come to believe that most of my ideas of Heaven and it's occupants have been based upon wrong theology. As I shared some of my thoughts about Jae and angels and Heaven,...Abby was irritated.
At me.
At all of her past Sunday school teachers.
At our church pastors.
She feels that she has been "lied to".
Then she dismissed most of my observations and told she would believe what she wanted to.
(Deep discussions are never easy with this daughter)

Here in June of 2010, Abby is the age that Jae Lynn was at the time of her accident.
That's a really big deal.
I think that Abby is fully comprehending the loss of her oldest sister more than she has done in past years. It's as if she, 6 years after the loss, knows Jae better now than she did when she was 10.
Devastated at 10 but filled with understanding at 16.

I asked her if Jae was right here with us, what would she say to her?
Her reply was ......."secret things".

I wish I understood life after death.
I'm told to believe and have faith.
I do and I do.

But that doesn't take away the wishing.