A Night of Russell Comedy

Tuesday night was our traditional North Pulaski Band Christmas Concert. Since yours truly is the band booster President, I wanted to support the program and our fantastic directors by being available for any all things.
Ended up I was not needed at all.
So.
I sat in the auditorium and enjoyed our 6th grade band. (see my big eyed expressions here?)
I sat through the 7th grade band.
Then the Middle School Jazz Band. (I'm beginning to smile now)
Then the Middle School Concert Band which meant that Abby's band would play next!

Let me pause here and say: The progress from a 6th band to a high school band is nothing short of an incredible miracle. Props to all the kids who stick it out as well as to the band directors who dream big and inspire teens with raw musical talent.
You know how great musicians are made? Someone, usually a teacher,...endured, persevered and developed these kids when they were not great musicians.

Anyway, as I'm sitting in the audience, my cell rings and Abby is hysterical on the other end as she relays to me that she forgot the dress code for the night was a black and white affair and she was in a green short scoop-necked sweater dress.
This friends, is a wardrobe, social as well as an academic disaster.

I exit the auditorium and realize that I am wearing black and white.

We meet in the bathroom where 5 minutes later she exits in my black slacks and white tee and I head straight for my car in a short scoop necked green sweater dress. (I just happen to have boots on under my slacks.)

*Ralph loved my outfit and couldn't understand why I would leave.
I think he now has an idea of what to buy me for Christmas.

*I left because I was afraid that suddenly our band director would need an announcement from the booster president and I'd have to get on-stage wearing a green sweaterdress miniskirt with boots.

Later that night, I am on YouTube looking for a song to place on this blog.

I thought I typed in the "The 12 Days of Christmas".

Instead, I made a typo and accidentally went to this:

New Way To Tithe

Hey Bro David and Bro Ernie,....
Remember the other day when we were talking about changing up the order of our worship service a little bit?

What do you think about inviting our church members to come down and give their offering like this?

Somebody Get The Fly Swatter!

If you are afraid of spiders (like ME)

BUT

enjoy tormenting one, (again,..like ME)..here's your chance.

Click the link below and poke away!

http://www.onemotion.com/flash/spider/

Merge Rebels

There are a lot of traffic rules which chaff the fool out of me but I don't think I am a rebel.
I try to follow rules.
Really.
Rules are usually created for our good and since I am a rational person, I try not to rebel.

However, there are a few which scream to be broken. Ones such as...
**35 mph on Republican Rd, (Weepyseeds author just paid a $200 ticket for breaking this rule)
**45 mph on the deserted 5 miles stretch of Batesville Pike (Weepyseeds author pulled over but received no ticket)
**4-way Stop sign at Olmstead, Arkansas. It would be a traffic jam is 2 cars arrived there at the same time, much less 4.


But there is one traffic rule which I follow and it drives me nuts when others do not. I think the reason it bothers me so badly is because it goes against Southern Hospitality.
It reminds me of being in elementary school when the class bully or the obnoxious kid would race to the front of the line. All of us meek rule-followers wanted to be at the front on the line, but we didn't manipulate the circumstances to get there.

My frustrating traffic rule has to do with lane closures and "merging".

I get all irritated with the drivers who refuse to merge left (or right) when instructed! They have a mile's worth of warning to merge and yet, they race breakneck to the last possible moment and then put on their measly little blinkers to signal that they are finally ready to follow the rules.
Now,....I'm not prone to road rage at all, but I garandernteeya that this chick will get all mean-spirited and spiteful as I work my way to the front of the lane.
There is no way on God's green earth that those traffic merge-rebels will force/insert/inch their way in front of MY bumper! In fact, if I had my way, they'd sit right there on the pavement under that flashing LANE ENDS! sign until the freeway is EMPTY!!!

silence

(deep sigh)

I feel better.

By the way, Ralph is not a typical merge rebel. He's worse!
When I'm in the passenger seat beside him, he will let every merge rebel go in front of him just to spite me.
He says he's just being nice, but I know better.
Even though I've never smoked, I'll almost need a cigarette by the time he gets me past the bottleneck.

Are you a merge rebel?

Abby's Pictures

Amanda and jungle man look as if they are pouting....


Remember I told you that I bought Abby a camera on ebay?
Here are a few of her pics.
She informed that if I were going to post any of her photos that I HAD to post the one below.
She thinks this piece of clover in our front yard is some of her best work.
By the way,...plant expert Janet Carson says that if you have green in your lawn, then it's from weeds. Real grass should still be brown.
Shut-up Janet.

I like this butterfly which is in the tree we planted at Jae's grave.

We go there often,..this day was a clean-up day.

Below is Carter, our grand-nephew!

Abby asked I stick my tongue out.....

Ralph's hairy daughter looks like she doesn't like her scarf

Abby's best friend Amanda is also the best dancer (front and center)

I'd post more, but it's past my bedtime!

Night!

The Joys of Nursing

A very few of the funny moments in the professional life of Becky Russell RN:
(Real names and situations, of course, are not revealed)

**Preparing to bathe a patient,...only to discover that the lady in the next bed had already done it.

**Working for an hour or so in an patients room who was in isolation. As I prepared to exit the room, I whisked the door curtain back and saw through the glass my co-worker wrestling with our only other patient in the ICU. Cheryl had evidently been calling out for me for some time, but I never heard her.

**Calling a patient's husband at home to inform him that his wife was ready to be discharged. He told me that he did not have a ride to come get her, so I encouraged him to get someone to help him solve this problem.

He called 911.

**Looking up from my chart to see my patient coming down the hall towards me naked. I immediately got up to go towards him and he began running away from me screaming ''HELP!!! HELP!!!"....Like I was abusing him.

**Being asked to assist in the Emergency room. I went into one room to ask a man his name and he replied Buck. I wrote that down and asked his last name to which he replied "nekkid".
"Buck Nekkid" I said? "That's your name? "
I asked for ID and of course,..he had none. because he had no where to put it. He was buck nekkid.
Mr. Nekkid was treated and released.

**Having an orderly to assist me as I got an elderly lady into a chair. She was straining to help us when she.....tooted. My wonderful chivalrous orderly tried to spare her embarrassment by saying "Excuse me". She glared at him and wanted all the credit: "You didn't do that! That was MY fart!"

**Taking a life-sized Resusci-Annie home in my car. The stories here go on and on.

**A very large family member who washed and then hung out her big big panties in the waiting room to dry.

I think I may even know the lady in this video......

King Tut

Did you know that the

King Tut exhibit

is coming to Arkansas?

Pictures

I am trying to carry my camera around more.

The problem with shooting pictures is the next tortuous step (for me) in home photography.

It's the place where I sit in front of my computer for hours scanning, downloading, transferring and then sending all of my pictures to a folder somewhere in Nigeria.
Seriously.

Abby has shown me at least 100 times how to

do this "simple" thing.

She says that she's getting tired of showing me.

I just tell that she should understand because

I've shown her how to clean the kitchen more times than that

and she continues to forget the process.

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Below is the style show of the first "RocketDog day" at the

North Little Rock Cardiac Rehab department.

(Custom-created holiday by me)

Does anyone else have RocketDog shoes?

I think they are way cool!

Here are my daughter and her friends after an all nighter youth lock-in at church.

Can you tell which one is Abby?

She's the one yawning! (hee hee)

The do-nut in the foreground kinda made her blurry.

Here is what happens when a youth director finds a camera with special functions.



Oh friends....will you look at the size of my BURN PILE!!!!!




We decided to clean out the barn after decades of junking it up.
Literally.
Much of the junk in our barn was there when we
purchased the property,
and then we did a mighty fine job of adding to it.
Now,...let me clarify that not ALL of the stuff in this BURN PILE! was from the barn.
It's been building from yard work and storm damage in
several of our family's yard.

It was getting so big that I told Ralph we had better take care
of the BURN PILE! soon
or the fire would just get way too big (not really).

So.
To get the BURN PILE! started we added a little "impetuous".
For some reason, that's what my daddy called diesel fuel.
(Now don't you worry........we never never never use gasoline.)



Add a match.....


and you can see that we chose a good day to care
of the BURN PILE! because
the smoke is pretty much going straight up.
(that means there's "no wind")



I know you're jealous.
You wish you had a BURN PILE! this big.

Ralph calls Sophie (below) his "hairy daughter".
She wore herself out on the barn cleaning/BURN PILE! day.



But when you clean out a barn,..you find all kinds of cool things.

Like my Aunt Mildred's stove. Oh my my that woman could cook!!

I guess it got put in the barn in the 70's and the people who owned the

place for the next 20 years never moved it.
We actually have another stove in the barn from the 40's(?).

We haven't uncovered it yet, but I saw the top of it the other day!



These skeleton keys were raked up from the back of one of the compartments.

Can't you just imagine some man all frustrated

and saying "Hon? Where did you put my keys?"

I Found My Camera!

Quick! I have to use the camera before Abby knows it's been discovered! It's just a matter of time til the camera story begins.

Here is Caleb.

The closest thing to a grandchild we have.

My kids used to put this very bowl on their little heads.

Abby's throwing gang signs at our kitchen table.

You can tell her daddy is very impressed.

One of my wonderful patients made this butterfly house for me.
The little butterflies perch on the posts below the slits,
then they fold up their wings and enter to lay their eggs.
I can't recall the exact science involved, but if you remember,...
the eggs eventually change into a cocoon
which then morphs into a new beautiful butterfly.
Did you dear readers know that the "Butterfly"
is the official symbol of The Bereaved parents?

This will go into Jae's memorial garden which you can kinda see behind the porch swing.

Bought the metal sign below at a flea market.
I told Ralph I wanted it on the front of the house.
I kinda meant somewhere "unobtrusive".
It is now eye level by the front door.
I love that man.

I let Sophie out this morning and she chased some type of varmit into Jae's garden.
The hunt was on!
Heidi joined in and began ferreting out something under the rock.
The two of them have dug around the rock seat until it is almost falling over.
You can't see it real well, but there's a huge hound dog nose sticking under the rock.

Note the weed.
If I plant flowers, Heidi eats them in minutes.
Weeds however, will live there forever.


Below are my yard ornamanets.
One RV, one Back hoe and one 4 wheeler.

Now don't be jealous.

The 4 wheeler hasn't moved since it died there two years ago.

And I gauran-durn-tee you that the backhoe won't start tomorrow.

A Funny Story

My friend Shannon sent me this story a few months ago and every once in a while, all the guys at my work have to pull it out, read it and get hysterical.
I've done a bit of editing and hope you too, get a laugh out of it.

******************************************

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing!
I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
(Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. )
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control;
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5'long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD........WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ....... WHAT THE HECK!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative? IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!'
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.

T-Mobile Dancers

I'm not necessarily a T-Mobile fan,..but I'm loving their method of advertisement!

Ice, Fun, Flexibilty and Generosity

Today, I received a long email where several of us moms gave an update on how our kids were weathering the winter storm in Fayetteville.

I have enjoyed hearing about how all the college kids are taking care of each other. They are calling around, seeing who does and does not have electricity. They are giving invitations and gathering into the apartments and homes that have warmth and water.
The students are sleeping on each others couches and floors, they're sharing food, watching movies and in general, having a great time in spite of the hardships of the weather.
It's like a city-wide sleepover!

I wonder if us adults acted like that during the next storm?
What if we all traveled to one house and bunked up together for the night?

Then again,..maybe not. We'd probably look like this lady. (Turn up your volume!)

Zits Is Painting His Room

I love the newspaper cartoon "Zits".

This one from Monday's edition made us all laugh out loud.

Laugh With Me

This week,..Jae Lynn's 21st birthday week,...I am looking for good memories and things to make me laugh.

Here is a man's voice mail message (audio only) that cracks me up every time time I listen to it. He evidently was on his way to work and was calling in to tell his boss he would be late.

Laugh with me,....

I Wish I could Dance

If I were a dancer, I'm sure I would dance like this:

Neti Pot

I have found some good news for anyone suffering with sinus problems!

WARNING! WARNING!

This video is not for the faint of heart.

In fact,..I just may lose a few readers after this.

But I have to tell ya,....the nurse in me is fascinated!

(You know,..kinda like a train wreck fascinates people,...)