Spring Inventory

What I'm doing today:
Taking some deep breaths and breaks after our fund-raising lunch last week. What a wonderful relief to have a successful event behind me.

I'm grateful for
My family. They live their life right along beside mine and take my burdens as their own.

I'm also grateful for
Abby 's best friend Amanda. It's good to have such a talented sensitive soul for a daughter's best friend.

I'm irritated at
My new flat screen TV. Why does it cut in and out so much?

I'm worried about
Casey. She went with friends to Panama City Beach late late Friday night. She is a sheep in a evil wicked environment.

The song which has spoken to me
"In Christ Alone"
One verse sings "...With life's first cry 'til dying breath, Jesus commands my destiny..."

I recently laughed hard at
myself!
I have a weird way of transposing the first letters of a pair of words. Yesterday, I was talking to Abby about singing all four parts. Unfortunately I said all pore farts.
A few months ago I yelled something to Abby and accidentally transposed the
letters to the phrase "Fun-sucker". While trying to correct myself I yelled it a second time. I almost had to pick Ralph and Abby off of the living room floor.

The scripture which has provoked thought is
Mark's account of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. He shared His heart with His friends (disciples) and told them how "His heart was breaking to the point He felt as if He would die".
It seems like such a human response.

I'm a bit worried about
My job.
Still.
I just don't know where I'm supposed to be.
Big decisions coming up soon.

I had a lot of fun
Making my first E-bay purchase.
I signed on to search for Abby a camera and found one with only 19 minutes left to bid. I had trouble signing up and signing in and by the time I finally got into the system, only 2 minutes remained to bid and the price had gone up $65!! The competition was fierce! :)
Abby now owns the camera and has shot well over 1500 photos since Wednesday.

I am ecstatic
I just made Casey's last tuition payment to University of Arkansas.
She graduates May 8th.
I can barely believe it.

First 2010 Inventory

Resolution for 2010:
Set frequent goals.

Resolution from last year that I did not keep:
Almost every one of them.

The book I'm currently reading is:
"Third Base Ain't What It Used To Be" by Logan Levkoff. Our teens are beginning a weekly bible study on the Song of Solomon and purity in relationships and I get to be a group leader!
(I'm sure Abby is thrilled)

I'm stressed about:
What am I always stressed about?
Wouldn't you know that we'd be trying to raise 18 kazzillion dollars right in the middle of a frazzlin depression.
When we first began Jae's memorial scholarship, we agreed that we wanted it to be "God-story".
Impossibility is the platform for a miracle.....right?

What I am excited about:
Abby's soft heart.
The young'n isn't perfect...no no no. She can go from calm to hysterical in 3 seconds flat, but she is listening and learning and seriously tries to do the right thing.
Now if I could only force her to switch her high school major to academics rather than friends.

What I am also excited about:
Casey.
She worked out near impossible details in order to graduate this May.
She is excited and scared to death.
She may not know what she wants to do in life, but she's positive that she wants to be done with school!

Another thing I'm pumped about is:
Ralph cleaned off the top of his dresser.

I wish I could:
Burn.

My current Bible study is in:
Nehemiah.

The song that's moved me recently is:
"His Favorite Song of All". It's by Phillips, Craig and Dean and is at least 15 years old. There's a few songs which I simply HAVE to listen to at an ear-splitting volume. Someday I will get a ticket for either the noise or the 85 mph speed that I go when this song is on.

I was glad that I:
made Abby read Dr. Martin Luther King's letter from the Birmingham jail.

I am frustrated that I:
opened my mouth way too much over some irritating things recently.

My new phrase for this moment in my life is:
Passionate Patience.

Middle Of The Night Inventory

Note the time.
(3:30am)
Does anyone out there do this besides me?


One thing that's keeping me from sleeping is
Ralph's hairy daughter. Sophie's been sleeping with Casey for a few weeks and now she's back in our bed because Casey's gone back to school.
Our kids hardly ever slept with us because I'm similar to "Princess and the Pea." Everything and anything will keep me awake.


A scripture that's recently inspired me is
the story of the prodigal son. I listened to my friend David Jeremiah preach on it as I drove home last night. I almost took the long way home so I wouldn't have to turn off the car radio. Instead I went ahead and drove home ..'cuase he's on a CD!! :) I get to listen again in just a couple of hours when I drive back in to work.
I just really really needed the reminder about the Father's grace.

The song that's been on my mind is
the one I posted on my other blog

I currently reading
no books.
Other blogs. Hey,...that counts!
In fact, go to my high school friend Rob's blog. Rob leonard is an incredible servant/writer/man of God. He's neck-deep and whole-heartedly in the trenches of a college ministry.
Passionate.
Vibrant.
I wish I knew my place in God's work like Rob does.

I'm currently spending a lot of time on
planning a video scavenger hunt for our church youth group this Saturday night.
Also trying to create a logo and design a website (which is way out of my league).
And gazing at my new horse.
Did I tell you we now have a "Draft horse"? This type of horse is a member of the Clydesdale family. We got him because the owner has a carriage business and "Pete" is too short to pull the carriage.
So.
I now own a runt Clydesdale.


One thing big in my future is
that I volunteered (somebody slap me) to organize the publicity for the national Gathering of Bereaved Parents which will be in Little Rock next summer. (Really,..just go ahead and knock some sense into me).

Something I'm pleased about is
Abby's first day of school. She came home all bubbly about her classes and schedule and it was fun to hear her talk about it all.

I wish
I could sleep.

A fun thing I did recently
was fill in about a hundred dates on our family calender. This is our busy season with Abby's band and Casey's games in Fayetteville.
Oh yeah! We also rented a pontoon boat last week for her 21st birthday. It was an incredible day. You see, although my family does a lot of camping, we are not "boat people". We have never owned a boat nor have any of us driven one.
Ralph had this massive party barge doing wide open figure 8's in the lake all day long. The other boats tried to avoid us I'm sure, but it was hard.... Ralph kept aiming for and driving through all of their wakes.

Ok dear friends,.... Thanks for staying up with me.
You've been a great listener!
(hee hee)

Spring Inventory

Right now I am:
Listening to 7 teenage girls giggle and scream in my living room. There is a short list of things which make teenage girls giggle and scream:
Everything.
(Bless Abby's heart,..her birthday is the day before the anniversary of Jae's death. We try hard to not the two get mixed up. This year, Abby chose to celebrate it last night with a sleepover.)


I also am:
nursing a BIG abrasion on my nose and forehead. As I climbed a fence and tried to jump off, my big foot hung on the top strand of barb wire and I fell and scooted for about 18 inches on my face. I was very glad there were no witnesses.

I have my mom's knack for spectacular falls.

A song which has captured my attention is:
I Bowed On My Knees And Cried Holy sung by Michael English and the Gaither Vocal Band. It is always a great thing to imagine the happenings of Heaven and that song gives a lot of details for the imagination.

A Great Story:
is the life-testimony of Michael English. He was artist of the year a few years ago and made some terrible choices which cost him his family, his awards, his career and his testimony. In the years that followed, the Christian world pretty much forsook him. His next music CD gives credit to Bill Gaither for sticking with him through the dark days.
I wanna be like Bill.

The Passage of Scripture Which Has Caught My Attention Is:
Genesis 32. The "Angels of God" came out to meet Jacob.
Why?
I don't know. It doesn't say.
Then, a few verses later, God decides to wrestle with Jacob in the middle of the night.
Why?
To be blessed?
To make him admit he was a trickster?

God wrestles?

That'll make a lot of rednecks happy.

I'm confused
The Russell's dogs never want to stay home.
Everyone else has a dog which loves to lay on their porch. Not us. Our dogs are bound and determined to escape us.
Sophie has been hit by a car again as she ran at breakneck speed out our front door. I'm hoping she lives.

I'm relieved
Casey's home safe and sound. She is still exhausted but had a fantastic time. She is hopeful that she gets the job (white water river guide).

I'm procrastinating:
Cleaning our "office". You know how it is when a room is completely overrun by papers, books, music, supplies, and whatever else can be thrown in there. I have to tackle it soon because all of our tax stuff is buried in there!

I am looking forward to:
This weekend at Branson/Silver Dollar City. It's "Young Christian's Weekend" and I, of course, am very young.

I'm excited about:
Entering a writing contest. My niece Aundra, (also a writer) gave me a gift subscription to Writer's Digest and the first issue was all about a writing contest!
I think I will re-work some of the posts I have done on this blog......
Got any suggestions as to which one I should submit?

I'm discouraged about:
Hhmmmm,..not much at all.
Sophie I guess.

You may want to know
that I am going to burn our front field Tuesday. I've been greatly amused by the number of people who laugh at my burning desires (hee hee).
However,..everyone agrees that it is/would be fun,...so,......
Anyone who wants to burn with me can just show up at my house mid-morning.
Hopefully the wind won't be too stiff,..but if it is,...it'll just be that much more exciting!
BYOR (bring your own rake)

January Inventory

The song that has captured my attention is:
No Night There No More Night by David Phelps.
I tried to recall the words as I sat at Jae's grave tonight in the dark.
The nights don't really bother me.
But I'm looking forward to the day where there will be no more graveyards.
I guess that wouldn't make a very good song title.


The scripture on my mind is:
Isaiah 3.
My friend Daniel was talking about this chapter today.
It describes what happens when a nation loses it's leadership.

I am frustrated by:
manipulative people.

I am stressed about:
3 Cheerleaders events. There's too many emotions and worries there to even describe.

I laughed today about:
Today at work, as we were crazy busy, Daniel and Levi pick pocketed a cellphone off of one of our patients. They then asked him "Where's your cell phone?"
As he pats his pockets and begins to search for it, I try to foil their practical joke by telling the patient that I would call it for him so we could find it. (Thinking it would be in one of the boys pockets)
I dialed the number and guess where they had put it?
In MY pocket.
The whole unit howled!

I am excited about:
My new 4 poster bed. I've been married for 28 years and have never had a headboard. I have no idea why it's taken me so long to get one. The girls have all had at least two or three. Anyway.
Now I have the huge 4 poster bed I've always wanted.
Then I just HAD to buy the matching dresser and nightstand.
Of course, then I NEEDED a new bedspread/quilt.
And curtains.


******************
Last night, as I traveled my little country road here by my house, I came up behind a beautiful red Corvette.

"He's gonna leave me in his dust" I thought.

It was a road hugger.

Hello-officer Red.

Corvette.

Instead of watching him drive out of sight, I found myself having to keep from tailgating him.

He simply would not speed up!

In fact,...we were going so slow that a minivan passed us.

That's just wrong.

Beige mini-vans are not supposed to pass red corvettes.

Letter To 2008

Dear 2008,
You have just a few days of life left in you and I thought that before you go, I might pause and reflect on your impact on me. Time has a way of marching on with or without our permission, and I've been making an attempt to try to make the most of my days and hours and minutes. Well,.. I try.
Most of the time.
Some of the time.
I try.

The things that this year has brought into my life have not been as earth-shattering as other events I've experienced in other years. Death, divorce and disease has kept it's distance from those that I am most tightly bound to. Praise be to God.

In fact, if I had to characterize this year, it would be one of healing. For me anyway. As a nurse, I know that healthy healing occurs from the inside out. I know that the deepest wounds take longer to heal and will often leave a lifetime of pain, handicap, scars or a combination of all three. I suppose that's where I find myself.
Pain of Jae's absence will haunt me until I breathe may last breath here. Missing daddy is mixed with the joy of knowing he is healthy again.
Handicapped?
Am I? Yes. In my head. People just really can not fathom where my thoughts go. Sometimes I can't either.
Scarred?
Deeply.
Yet,...I am confident that I am healing.

My mother and father-in-laws home burned in August. The tragedy became a crisis of belief which created no real options other than for them to move here with us. In retrospect,. the story has God's redemption all over it. He gave beauty for ashes. Literally.
I love it when He does that.

My study of the Scripture took a new path this year. I should say, it took me to a new and unexpected level. Studying a book a month,...with just me, the Bible and my gargantuan brown Matthew Henry commentary has provided me with just the right mix of structure and flexibility.

Christmas.
This year was not as painful as it has been in the past. I think one reason was because we decided to include Jae Lynn in the gift exchange. Whoever drew her name would give something in her honor or memory. Whichever name we drew for her would receive something in her honor. Aundra made several newborn baby hats which will be given to Bethany Christian Services in Jae's memory. Aundra also bought some "chicks" from Heifer International. Jae Lynn would have chosen chicks over every other animal!
The gift which we gave in Jae's name was a scrapbook which attempted to describe Jae to Emma, her 2 yr old cousin. This scrapbook covered everything from Jae's music, to her quirky personality traits, her love of animals, to her toenail collection and ended with a message to Emma that Jae and her will one day meet "in person" in Heaven.
On that day, they will need no introductions.
The only thing I would change about all of this, is that next year, I will do something similar for daddy.

2008, your imprint on all inhabitants of this earth will live on for eternity.
Some moments were forgettable and I certainly made my share of those during this year.
And some moments were of eternal consequence.
I find myself wishing I'd made more.

So 2008,...I will not miss you. Instead, I will anticipate 2009 with the good feeling of starting over.
New Beginnings are biblical.
Fresh starts.
Blank pages.
New resolutions.
New mercies for me as well as every other person alive.
A New Year filled with choices for each moment.

Christmas Inventory

Christmas shopping:
I am hopelessly behind.

Decorating:
Decorating? Me? Our fake pre-lit tree has one strand at the bottom that blinks furiously. None of us can make it stop.

Christmas Baking:
I'm all out of Marshmallows and Rice Krispies. Therefore, I can not bake.

Christmas song that has captured my attention:
The ditty that Shannon has on her blog.

The coolest Christmas tradition I've ever heard about:
My co-worker Daniel says that all the women in his family make these tightly sewn/woven cloth balls that are about the size of a softball. They soak them in kerosene for about 2 months. Right before opening presents, all members of the family go outside, fish these cloth balls out of the kerosene, set them on fire and throw them across the yard to each other. They play catch with these fire balls until the balls burn completely up. Daniel says that no one has ever gotten burned and even the young children play.
Daniel often lies to me, however, this is so bizarre that I don't think he could make it up.

I'm currently studying:
The 7 letters to the 7 churches in the 2nd-3rd chapters of Revelation. I've been reminded that God designed His church (our churches!) for our present day culture. He has no intention of abandoning us because we don't do all things right. He can do great things through us if our hearts are right. Although He sees the church as a corporate body, He also sees each individuals heart.
What an encouragement! God's fairness and righteousness is such a comfort.
By the way, I received several interesting emails (and a few blog comments! ) about the commentator who thought the Apostle John did not write Revelation. Just so you know,...I put him back on the shelf for a while. He was wearing me out.

I am stressed about:
not much. Maybe the mass mail out for "The 3 Cheerleaders" end of the year letter.
4000 letters is a lot of letters to stuff, stamp, lick and label. It takes a lot of people's effort to get it out of my head and into the post office, but by gum, it's almost a done deal.
(Are you on our mailing list?)

I'm pondering:
My resolutions for next year.

I am looking forward to:
Christmas. For the first time in 5 years. The feeling is tenuous, but it's there.
Today, as I wrote the angels' words from Luke 2 on our bulletin board at work, I nearly wept at the "...good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you (to me!) this day, a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord..."

A Savior for me.
That's good tidings indeed.

October Inventory

A song which recently captured my attention
is Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir's rendition of "I will lift up my eyes to the hills". If I were ever given a wish from the "Make a wish" foundation,..it just might be to sing with that group of brothers and sisters.

A thought for this day
is from Beth Moore. She says:
"I'd like to suggest that an entire chain reaction begins with our eyes and ultimately affects our heart, souls and minds. Where we look---where we genuinely fasten our gaze---amid continual life challenges has a tremendous impact on how we feel".
(Now I know why I feel so good when I pass Shipley Donuts)

My current project is
Getting my in-laws house across the street ready to live in. These sweet family members of mine are way to old to have to "start over". Every project associated with the move completely overwhelms them. They have gone back to Mississippi for two weeks and I hope to have their house very livable by the time they get back here,..their new home.

I am presently studying
Beth Moore's "Stepping Up" bible study. There are approximately 18 ladies in my church group doing this with me and I have to tell ya,...this study is unbelievable. It is about the Psalms of Ascents" which covers chapters 120-135 of Psalms.

I am frustrated with
my lack of wheels. We're trying to keep our Mazda going in spite of it's mileage (165,000). It's in the shop with "issues".

I am procrastinating
cleaning my house.

I am glad
that Casey's home. She wanted to be with us for Jae's birthday.
I'm also glad that Jae's birthday is over. It was a hard and heavy day for my little heart.

I have been encouraged
by having so many of my friends and family join me in this blog adventure. Never did I ever anticipate it being such a fun way to fellowship!

September Inventory

I am currently reading
"The Last Jihad" by Joel Rosenberg. It's actually a big deal to me that I am reading anything OTHER than some sort of "self-help" book.

My plans for the week
include working at Cardiac Rehab (of course) and speaking at our State conference on Friday.
I also get to assist my in-laws close on a piece of property directly across the road from us. This is God's provisional gift to us all. It became available approx 1 week before my in-laws home burned.
In their price range.
Coincidence?
Not hardly.

My latest frustration
was definitely this blog. Did you notice the template change? I messed the other one up with one simple click of my mouse. Last night around 11:00 pm, I lost everything I had done for almost 8 months. I'm tellin' ya,..I almost heaved this 'puter right out the front door! Instead, I put myself into a coma with two Benadryl. This afternoon, as I sat down to begin re-creating some of my additions,...I decided to play around with various templates.
TA-DAAA!! All of what I had lost just re-appeared in my preview of this template.
I kept it.
I'm scared to try anything new.
You may see this layout for the rest of my life.

My prayer concerns for the week
are my children. Trying to encourage a young person's spiritual life in this culture is full-time and exasperating. I am oft tempted to nag which is discouraging for all of us.
I also am praying for my life to be useful in God's Kingdom. To desire excellence in all I do. To see His big picture and not get bogged down in the details of my schedule.
I also am praying for my church to do the same thing.

I am procrastinating
writing for publication. My friend Wayne encouraged me last night to write. I need to get that off the back burner. I have no illusions about this,..I am well aware that I possess no formal writing education OR experience. I still want to try it.
If Christie Brinkley can write a best seller about the serious meaning of her dreams, surely there's a chance for me.

I am eagerly anticipating
watching Abby in a play tonight.
I'm also looking forward to breakfast Tuesday with some friends.

I am stressed about
very little at the moment.
All of my stress and worries descend on me around 10:00 or 11:00 pm.

The last song that captured my thoughts is
the old hymn, "Face to Face"
The 3rd and 4th verse go like this:
What rejoicing in His presence, when are banished grief and pain;
When the crooked way is straightened, and the dark things shall be plain.

Face to face! O blissful moment! Face to face to see and know;
Face to face with my Redeemer, Jesus Christ who loves me so!

The last scripture that captured my thoughts is
the end of Psalms 147. It used a list of various weather patterns as symbols of Praise. In these days of hurricanes and storms, I always think of them in a negative sense rather than as an outlet for His glory. (Bangladesh, for instance, gets wiped off the face of the Earth by a cyclone every other year.)
I am going to try to think of "big" weather events as a form of God expressing His power,..but I still doubt that I'll be praising Him the next time I am hunkered down in my closet trying to outlive a tornado.

A thought for the day
is from the late Mike Yaconelli:
Mike wrote in his book Messy Spirituality
"I want desperately to know God better. I want to be consistent. Right now the only consistent thing in my life is inconsistency.....But Spirituality is not about being fixed. It's about God being present in the mess of our inconsistent life."

2007 in review

Memorable moments. Where your mind has taken a picture. An incident has been lived through, heard, felt and seen which will influence you for life. Moments that contribute to who you are.
These moments can be the wonderful ones which can steal your breath away with wonder.
But they also could be the ones which are so painful that they steal your breath away with pain.
Some are pretty ordinary at the time, but later seemed to gain significance.


It is good, I think, to take stock of such moments.
They are "Markers".
Maybe they are spiritual, but maybe not.

I live a very boring life. In no particular order, my "markers" very well may put you right to sleep:

*Surviving the first year of Casey's college experience.
This learning to let go business is hard.
For me AND her. (and for me) (me)

*Observing Abby's very first band competition. I have looked forward to this phase of being a band mom. I am a competitor, just not very fierce.
A second reason this band competition was memorable was because I met a newly bereaved mom. Right there on the bus seat with me. There is no way that our being there together was an accident. For the next few years, when we meet, we can look each other in the eyes and ask "How ya' doing?" and we will know exactly what is being asked.

*Being told I have a mass in my right lung.
Gasp! Terror!
Oh wait,.. it was just an infection caused by inhaling bird dookey.

*Speaking at the National Gathering of Bereaved Parents. It was a meeting room filled with hundreds of emotional and spiritual giants.

*Time spent in the book "mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. Big revelations there...just this morning even.

*The 2:30 am gathering around my dad's bedside, singing to him, talking to him and loving him as he stepped from this Earthly dimension into the Heavenly one I long to see and know. What a heartbreaking honor to be there.

*The quiet time my family had immediately for a few hours after daddy's death.
We called and informed no one.
Just us.
Very intimate.
We sat in mom and dad's house processing what we had just witnessed and what it would mean for us all. My family has as many (or more) issues as every other family, but I am glad to live life with them.

*My disappointment there at daddy's deathbed when God did not answer my prayers to get a glimpse of Jae, Heaven, angels or some other type of glory. It happens to others, and I wished it for me.

*The homeless ministry that I have been privileged to be involved in.

*Flipping a house.
We just about bit off more than we can chew here, but hey, I am learning to take risks. I hear that taking risks is fun. Remind me of that when you see me.


* The March 18th banquet fundraiser that supports Jae's, Taylore's and Alicia's memorial educational scholarship. Each year, I am humbled by the deep generosity and love of friends and strangers.

*The mean spirited person who attempted to sabotage the March 18th banquet by calling in cancellations to the banquet hall, and placing another call to cancel the food for 750 people.
What was that all about anyway?

*Long talks in the wee hours of the morning with Casey.
Sending her to school immediately after her Pa's death was very difficult for her. Add a few more stressful things and her tearful comment "I don't think I belong here anymore", made me want to throw back my bed covers, get in my car, drive the distance and bring her home.
I wonder if that is how God in Heaven feels about us here on the Earth?

There are others markers, which probably should not be shared, and there are some that are probably huge and I will slap my forehead at the idea that I have forgotten to add them to this list.
Regardless,..we are upon a fresh start to a whole new year.
2008 is here.
A chance to create new markers.

Fresh starts are good.