I knew something was bothering her as soon as she sat down beside me this morning. Church had not started yet and our church family was milling around us as she confided quietly that she had gotten very upset in Sunday school this morning.

As her other friends filled out some sort of survey about their dad (in anticipation of Father's Day), she was painfully reminded that her dad left her and her mom,
plus
he died a few years ago.
Wow. Her dad left her in divorce as well as death.
Double the pain.
Never to be reconciled.

She said "everyone else had good things to say about their dad. Good memories and good traditions. They know all about their dad's favorite everything. But my only stories are about how he left us. No one really wants to hear about that."

Gracious.
What in the world can I say in 30-60 seconds in a crowded room to such raw honest hurt?
As usual, I rely on the things I've recently read and studied.


Holy Fools (Matthew Woodley) is a book I found on the bargain rack for about 3 bucks.
See,...I had gone to Mardels to purchase a new book because I was jealous of my friend who went to a spiritual counselor and received a lot of wisdom, advice and new inspiration.
Since I don't have a spiritual counselor, I bought a cheap book.

Anyway......
Holy Fools gives 4 common denominators for the people who have changed the world:
1. They are passionate people.
2. They are messy people.
3. They associate with and love messy people.
4. They are always in trouble.

That's the advice I gave my young teen friend.
The chapters in our lives which are painful and "messy" are still things that God can use to bless others.
She truly loved the encouragement.

Now,..if I can just practice what I preach and apply that to my own life.............

Prayer

A few years ago, some friends and I decided the youth group we were leading needed more prayer. (of course).
We were intentional.
We were passionate.
We were regular.
We were stunned......

You see, within weeks of the prayers, our small group of teens began
to grow
and grow
and grow!

I am ashamed to tell you this, but the biggest surprise was that God answered our prayers.
No kidding,...we were bustin out all over with teens who were lost. Our "church kids" were frustrated that this new group of unrulys had taken over "their" group.
We 4 adult leaders (volunteers) were excited but completely taken off guard as evidenced by our ridiculous lack of resources to deal with 60+ students.

We moved the adults out of the sanctuary, put the kids in there on Wednesday nite and had a blast with great praise, worship, devotionals, door prizes and skits.
It didn't take long, however, for us to get overwhelmed at the church vandalism, smoking in the bathrooms, sex on the church bus and utter disrespect for all adults.

Sounds like a nightmare huh?
and I tell ya what,...It felt like it at times.
But we were so sure that we were experiencing a movement of God.
Now, I'm not so sure.

Here are some observations of that moment in time:

1. Today, as far as I can tell, very few of those unchurched kids are followers of God. I don't see that we had much of an impact on them at all. I imagine that the only devotional they will ever recall is the one I did which involved a Happy Meal in a blender. And it wasn't God that made it memorable, it was that two people threw up in the class room.

2. Some churches aren't ready to reach the lost. Bayou Meto is ready now, but we sure weren't then. Lack of leadership, bad attitudes, lack of volunteers and lack of discipleship crippled us. How eternally unfortunate for those kids.

3. Legalism will never work with teenagers. They will rebel every single time.
And I say Good for them! Adults will plod along in a miserable religion, but most teens won't put up with it. They can spot a phony miles away.

4. If I'm going to pray like that, I better prepare for bigger results than I can imagine. Mine and my friends puny prayers were clearly heard in Heaven. I still marvel that we were surprised.

5. It made me long for more corporate prayer in our churches. Our prayers lists are important. Truly they are. I have asked to be on the list and am relieved to find my needs and requests on that little piece of paper in the hands of my church family.
But few of the prayer needs listed on our church prayer list are there for Kingdom purpose. Should those not be there in abundance?

I started the year 2011 as a year for prayer.
and once again,...God is amazing me.

I'm sure He is rolling His eyes at my wonder.

Obscurity Is A Myth

Just this past week, I enjoyed a week of being alone in my home.

Ralph and both girls went to church camp (2 chaperone's, 1 camper) in South Carolina, and I had a great time all by myself. The bad thing however, is that at night time, I am not used to being alone in the old creaky house with multiple doors, hallways and rooms.

I found myself wishing for company.

Got that old 25 caliber pistol and put it on the nightstand, but it's not something that actually inspires a good night's sleep.

(I especially hate it when my hairy daughter stands on the edge of the bed in the middle of the night and softly "woofs".)

After our summer campers got home from their church camp, they were exhuasted and were desperate to get home so I volunteered to clean the church van.

That

was

before

I

looked

inside.

The next night, I drove it home from the church parking lot and opened the doors:
At least 25 bottles of half empty bottles, hair doo-dads, wet towels, 3 dirty socks, 1 tennis shoe, a pair of soured wet swim trunks, 15-20 ink pens, multiple bags of cheezits and an opened box of cocoa-puffs (thank you Abby) which emptied and sent 50,000 of them rolling to the front of the van every time the brakes were hit and then rolled to the back on each acceleration.

All the way to South Carolina and back.

As I cleaned the van last night in 100 degree heat/humidity, I was feeling pretty alone.

Whine whine whine

pant pant pant pant

Ggrrrrr

According to the dictionary,
"Obscure" means "..unknown, unimportant or having no meaning..."

But according to 2 Chronicles 16:9, God's eyes are constantly searching to make us strong in every job if our heart is right.

My heart...not my activity.

Is anything obscure in a life of following God?

Part of me is uneasy with the idea that I'm truly never alone and God and Heaven's occupants are always watching me.

Remember that I think Earth is a stage.

But I'm also inspired by the idea that every moment matters to Him.

To God, there are no obscure followers.

That thought, friend, made me feel better last night as I washed the

Bayou Meto Baptist church van in the dark.

Youth Workers Convention

I don't think Satan wanted me to go to Atlanta this weekend.
There were 5 of us scheduled to go to the Youth Specialties Youth Workers Convention and each one of us had serious issues which made us want to stay or be home.
Four of us made the trip in our tiny capsule Mazda and arrived at 4 frazzlin o'clock in the morning!
We pull up to the Omni hotel which appears to have no lobby or parking lot. We somehow wind up in a valet area and are immediately surrounded by tuxedoed valets who did a great job at hiding their disgust with our old dented-up car filled with bubble gum wrappers and a hundred M&M's (which got thrown during a fierce fight).

Now, I need to tell you right here, that somehow, during the 8-9 hours ride sitting in a back seat the size of a milk crate, something serious happened to my right knee.
It began to hurt around Memphis, was killing me at Birmingham and absolutely locked-up as we drove into Atlanta.

It simply would not work.

As Ralph, Levi and Jackie unloaded the car, I was sent by the bellman to the elevator towards the 4th floor for check-in.
Dragging my leg across the cavernous deserted lobby towards 3 fresh-looking desk clerks, they greeted me professionally and I handed them my credit card. One of them apologized and said "I'm sorry ma'am, you have a Marriot credit card and this is an Omni Hotel chain. We can not accept this credit card."

It's four a.m.
My right leg has a mind of it's own.
I'm too tired to think.
"What?"
He apologizes and repeats that the "Omni hotel does not accept credit cards which have other hotel names printed on them."

I had options here.

I could pull out another card

or

I could crawl over the desk and use his tie to choke the snot out of him.

I think he saw clearly that I was going for the second option because he laughed and yelled "I'm just kidding! Oh My Gosh! I'm joking! I'm so sorry ma'am,..I can see how tired you are and I should not have pranked you like that! Please forgive me!"

I should have known.

Welcome to the National Youth Workers Convention.

The weekend was wonderfully filled with refreshment and inspiration and I'm looking forward to sharing some it of here soon.

Our Youngest And Our More Mature

I am a million year volunteer at our church, but Levi is our "official" paid church youth minister. He does a fantastic job in spite of his hectic schedule and life,..married and raising a 1 year old, working two jobs and going to school!
He has chosen Romans 12:1-2 for our youth to focus on this semester: (you know this verse)
I beseech you therefore, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Ya know,...this culture is hard on our young brothers and sisters in Christ.
They live and exist in a cesspool of promiscuity, drugs, profanity and broken spirits. They walk the halls, sit in class and eat at the lunch table with un-churched kids who have never even heard of the joy of a life in Christ.
Christan teenagers are in a minority.
To attend church is a rarity in most teen groups, and to have teens who attend regularly and more than once a week is almost against all odds.

Hang on to your computer chairs friends, 'cause I'm fixin to rant.
Not about any one person, 'cause I don't know who "they" are.
But I'm hacked off,.HACKED OFF I say! at the more "spiritually mature" group of people in some of our churches.
I have two girls in our little youth group who have been working hard each Sunday morning to assist in leading worship. They are both beginning guitar players and the songs they are asked to play are not always easy. The music is not exactly their type,..as they usually don't play the guitar to "We'll work til Jesus comes", but they are eager and they are faithful.
Our worship leader is very encouraging, affirming and the girls are having a great time in their new roles.

Recently "someone" mentioned one of the girls was wearing a short skirt.
OK. Fine.
I agree.
I spoke with the two girls about how you can not wear short skirts on a stage.
You can see things which are not supposed to be seen, not to mention we don't want people staring at legs when we are trying to point them towards worship of the Most High God.
The girls agreed too.

"They need to smile more!" many people in the congregation have mentioned.
OK. Fine.
I spoke with the two guitar players and they agreed that "countenance" is important. However, they said, it's hard to stand up in front of everyone, sing, try to hit the right chords and smile all at the same time.
Watch all other guitar players.
Do they smile?
(no they do not)

Last Sunday night, the girls led the worship by themselves!
Woo Hoo!
Several people in the congregation complimented them and for that, I am appreciative.
Several, however, were supposedly "bothered" that the girls were leading, one in knee length shorts and the other with holes in their jeans.

Not respectful?
Do I really think God is offended and feeling disrespected because of shorts and jeans with holes? Is that His rule?
Can I ask "Who are the mature ones here"?!
Why do some people treat their youngest, strongest brothers and sisters this way and then wonder why the kids don't stay in the church?
For me personally, I can hear 100 compliments and 1 criticism,..but which remark do you think stays in my head the longest?
How much more so for our dedicated, but insecure, teenagers?

I've told Levi that I'm not gonna take it any more and I don't want him to either. When he or I get a complaint from the more "spiritually mature", I am not going to nod and agree to discuss it with the kids.
Rather, I will ask those people how often they have said good things towards these kids who sit week after week in the front row of pews.
I will ask them what they know about the culture that these kids are forced to exist in daily.
I may ask them how often they pray for these kids by name.
I will tell them that the teens of our church are actually some of the strongest believers on their campus.
They would be doubtful, I bet, because the teens get on stage with,..(gasp),..shorts! holy jeans!
Oh for cotton-pickin sake.

deep breath........

I think that God is pleased with the fact that there is a remnant in this young generation of your church and mine who are not "conforming to this world".
As they are learning this, and how to "transform their minds", I think we need to remember how slow WE are to learn things.

Lord, please help ME to always be an encouragement to those younger than me in the Faith.
(and to those older than me too)

Teaching

Last night, I went to Red Lobster with my friend Kay. The hostess took us to a booth waaaayyyy in the back of the restaurant where a ginormous group of teens were eating together (the Paragould boys and girls high school soccer team).
I observed other Red Lobster patrons be escorted in, look around and immediately refuse the seating arrangement. I, on the other hand, felt right at home.
Tomorrow morning is the first of three Sunday mornings that I get to teach our youth group. (yippee!) Since Levi has come on our church staff as part-time youth director, I have not gotten to teach much, and boy have I missed it!

Good ole Southern Baptists.....here we are in the start of the new Sunday school quarter. Where in the cotton-pickin-heck are the new books?
I have no idea.
You'd think since I live with the Sunday School director, I could find out this important information.

So.
I get to make a lesson from scratch.
As usual, I teach from the spot where God is working in my life. Not always the best lesson plan, but today it's working for me.

Years ago, Ralph led our family in some scripture memorization and the first one he had us all learn was

Psalms 1:1-2

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,

nor stands in the path of sinners,

nor sits in the seat of the scornful;

But his delight is in the law of the Lord

and in His law he meditates day and night.

I love that verse and it's going onto my mirror this afternoon.

It will remind me to not let myself get spiritually lazy.

We do not smoke, drink, cuss, have sex outside of marriage.

We go to church and tithe.

Therefore, God must be pleased.

C'mon. We know better than that.

We know better!

We know that in order to be a delight to God, we must pursue His heart with our own.

It's not enough to stay faithful in our religious routines.

Some of the people farthest away from God will be sitting in America's church pews on Sunday morning.

It's dangerous to raise our families with our frantic busy schedules and allow no time for the matters that God considers important.

Although our hopes are high, our spiritual expectations for ourselves and our children are often very low.

The small youth room at Bayou Meto won't be filled with deep theological wonders and discussions this Sunday morning.

But then again,......I think it will.....

Kendra's Wedding Gift

Best Friends:

Lauren, Kendra and Jae

One of the things which was hard about the loss of Jae was that we had to endure watching normal activities of teenager life pass without her being a part. All of her friends enjoyed homecoming games, proms, graduation ceremonies and other happy teenager milestones while our family was left with only our imagination, our regrets, our grief and a longing for our lives to be a part of the normalcy that others enjoyed.

What would have been a huge moment for Jae happened this past Sunday. I've dreaded anticipated it for a long time but we found a way to make Jae a part of it.

Back in 1987, Jae, Kendra Huffman and Lauren Burton were all dropped into the church nursery within three months of each other. They were best friends throughout their entire lives, even though they often grew apart or became involved in activities which took them different directions. Without a real plan to do so, they remained "intentional" friends. They remembered each other's birthdays, exchanged gifts for Christmas and ran to join each other if one needed a "friend therapy" session.

Jae was a collector of pigs. Don't ask me why, but she loved stuffed ones, glass ones, paintings of pigs, photos of pigs, pig calenders, pig slippers, pig costumes, pig tails, etc. Growing up, some of the best pig-gifts Jae received were from Kendra or Lauren.

Kendra is getting married.

Jae is supposed to be involved doing the things that best friends do for brides.

Instead, there were other good friends hosting the shower and attending to Kendra.

I longed for Kendra's best friend with all of my heart and soul.

The last gift Kendra opened was from us.

I don't know if you can see the detail, but the picture is one of a very calm serene country pond with a little pink pig running wide open and leaping off of the dock into the water.

Kendra honey, I believe Jae is celebrating with you.

EverThird

Fine cuisine at the "Fish and Pig" restaurant.

Above- EverThird prays before they perform

Below- Steve playing bass in the 35 mph wind gusts!

If I was a real camerawoman, I would pace the battery life of my camera.
I have about 50 photos of the waterballon slingshot contest.

but only the three photos above of Everthird.

Dang it.
*********************************************************************************

In our lives, we tend to want to see immediate results and answers to our prayers. Personally, I am not always good at the long-term praying thing. I pray for a while and then either forget, lose my passion or give up on my request.
And when I DO pray, I tend to have a good idea about how God should respond.
Oh I say that I want Him to surprise me, but do I really expect it?

The most memorable prayer that I have ever prayed was at the side of Jae's casket in the funeral home. It was early on Friday I think, and I drove to the funeral home and told the director that I wanted to be uninterrupted with her.
DeWayne personally closed the door behind me and sat in a chair on the other side to prevent anyone from entering.

Most of those last mother-daughter moments will never be shared, but I often speak publicly about my prayer there by her side. To be honest, I've written this very paragraph 50 times trying to describe those moments, but just can't find the words to convey the moment. Let me just say, that I cried out for God to bring good out of the bitter circumstances we now faced. I also begged to see the good now, here on Earth, and not have to wait until "all things are revealed" in eternity.

I am grateful that God has answered my prayer many times over.
Countless times in fact.
I will remain confused and disagreeable about God's plan for a short life for Jae, but at least He loves me enough to constantly attach good things to her name.
My mother's heart is grateful.

In my wildest dreams, I couldn't have imagined this weekend.
Here's a short summary of a long story:
It began with a heartfelt lesson in March 2004 in a tiny back room of our small church.
I created the lesson for Jae, Casey, Ralph and myself, but I taught it to about 8 teenagers, 2 of which were mine.
Less than 24 hours later one of them, Jae Lynn, is in Heaven.
Without realizing it, the theology of that lesson prepared me for the worst days of my life.
It kept me sane through the coming months.
It sustains me still.
3 years later, I wrote the experience into a post on this blog.
Months after that, I happened to click onto Youth Specialties blog on the very day where they asked for memorable moments of youth ministry.
Feeling sure they were looking for food-fight moments, I sent them my post anyway.
My friends at YS considered the moment relevant indeed.
They created it into a "video story".
It was used at three national conferences to encourage thousands of youth pastors and leaders across the nation.
One of those youth pastors, Shannon Lovelady from Georgia, looks for me and finds me in Nashville. He tells me he wants to bring his band (EverThird) to perform a free personal concert for my small group of teens.
Now it's Monday and I just spent the weekend with the members of EverThird ( Shannon, Mike, Andrew, Nick and Wesley) interact with the members from our church and especially our small youth group.
They gave a concert and played their hearts out to probably the coldest tiniest crowd they have ever played for. But I know it's because they really play for the Most High God and not anyone else.
When they pulled out of our parking lot, they left behind a small group of Southern Baptist teens, parents and church members who are worn out, encouraged and inspired to want more from God.
Then the band sends a text message to me saying they are grateful for what our church did for them!

Jae Lynn,.....honey.
I wish you were here to see all of this.
I'm so grateful that I still get to speak your name and I feel incredibly blessed when I see how God puts Himself into all your influences.
I look so forward to seeing Him face to face like you do, but until then I will rest in the knowledge that He has remembered my cry.
I love you more than ever and will be there in the morning.

No More Boring Conferences!

Conference.

The very word sounds boring.

"I went to a conference" (yawn)

"Let's go to a conference soon" (ZZzzzzzz)

Sometimes we can just know when a conference is going to be waste.

I can often tell by the name of the conference, whether it is something I want to go to.

Maybe the speaker looks dull or maybe even the topic sounds like a snoozer.

There are certain groups/organizations who are intent on keeping their conferences dull. Maybe that's not on their planning agenda,..but it happens anyway. Time after time after time.

The next year, they get the same old planning committee together to talk about why no one attended.

Then they plan another dull one.

Don't go.

Just don't go.

Go instead with the teenagers in your church to their conferences.

They are ALWAYS needing volunteers and "frins,...let me tell ya sompthin",...I promise,..you will not fall asleep at a youth conference!

Below are some photos I took at the recent LiveLove Conference in Memphis. It is hosted by StudentLife. I tried for days to upload the video I recorded but I don't have the "tech-y" gene. It's only given to a few people over 40 and I am not one.

Part of why I love going to these gatherings with the teenagers is that I am reminded that there are still so many young people who are willing to serve the Most High God. I assure you,..that when they are in charge of creating church culture,...their generation of the church will not resemble ours. How exciting!

Sometimes those teens are a real mess. They don't act right all the time. They are spiritually immature and often seem to love the culture more than they love God.

How'about that?
They are just like us adults.

Abby and Dillon.

There were computers in the hallways of Bellvue Baptist Church.

Imagine that.

IHOP at night.

(note the difference between the two adults in the front of the picture and the teens)

A homeless man followed Levi in.

The manager kicked the guy out and then tried to order Levi out as well.

(Poor Levi. He was lookin all homeless, I guess)

The bus ride home got long.

Ice, Fun, Flexibilty and Generosity

Today, I received a long email where several of us moms gave an update on how our kids were weathering the winter storm in Fayetteville.

I have enjoyed hearing about how all the college kids are taking care of each other. They are calling around, seeing who does and does not have electricity. They are giving invitations and gathering into the apartments and homes that have warmth and water.
The students are sleeping on each others couches and floors, they're sharing food, watching movies and in general, having a great time in spite of the hardships of the weather.
It's like a city-wide sleepover!

I wonder if us adults acted like that during the next storm?
What if we all traveled to one house and bunked up together for the night?

Then again,..maybe not. We'd probably look like this lady. (Turn up your volume!)

Zits Is Painting His Room

I love the newspaper cartoon "Zits".

This one from Monday's edition made us all laugh out loud.

November Inventory

Some things that are on my mind
are packing for the Youth Specialties conference.
My mother-in-law,...she's not feeling well.
Abby's grades.

Something that has made me laugh recently
was my co-workers at lunch. We were discussing something and we all began building on one stupid thing after another. Julie is usually so quiet, so when she is overcome with laughter, I can enjoy the memory for a week. Daniel's laugh is loud, Glen's is fun, Levi laughs like a mischievous little boy and Deonna's infectious laugh will make even the biggest grump smile.

The scripture that I'm currently studying is
Luke 3.
I'm supposed to be way deeper into the book by now, but just haven't made it. The Christmas story just never gets old, does it?

A song that recently captured my attention is
"Because" (you have to snap your finger with this)
Just because you think you're so pretty
Just because you think you're so hot.
Just because you think you've sompthin
that nobody else has got.
Though you made me spend all my money
you laughed and called me ole' Santa Clause
Well I'm tellin you honey I'm though with you!
Because! Just because!

(I sometimes have no idea why I sing these songs. My patients however,...quickly go down memory lane with them)

Something which scared me recently
was sending my in-laws into the VA Hospital. Mr. Russell needed to get set-up into that system. I let them out at the door and I wondered if I would ever see them again. It was comparable to letting them out at the entrance of the state fair. I circled the parking lot (I mean,..the city) for 45 minutes looking for a place to park the truck so I could go in with them. However,...there was no place to put a truck. People told me,.."there is a little shuttle to pick you up if you have to park a long way off!" But shuttles aren't helpful if you can't park the vehicle!
No median, no curb, no spot, no nothin.
I had to keep driving.

The thing that is stressing me is
getting the 3Cheerleaders end-of-the-year letter finalized, addressed and mailed.
I'm also wanting a comprehensive web-site. I can't believe we've gone this long without one.

I'm confused by
why I can not keep a vacuum cleaner working. I just don't understand. All my floors are hardwood. I only have one itty bitty rug and somehow I have to buy a new vacuum cleaner every year.
It's a mystery.

I'm pumped about
going to Nashville this weekend for the Youth Specialties Youth Worker Convention. I have wanted to go to a Youth Worker's convention for 25 years. (It's too bad that I'll be the oldest one there!) I'll be seeing The skit guys, the David Crowder band will be there, Tony Compolo, and others. Can't wait.
(The schedule goes until midnight for Pete's sake.)

I'm bummed
that I won't be there to see the short (really short!) video that they have created about Jae and me. It will be on the screen on Sunday night, but unfortunately,..I have to leave Sunday afternoon. I've seen the final version and it's great at discussing the wonderfully amazing Grace of God. I'll try to post it on here someday soon.

I'm praying
that Levi (who is going with me) will be inspired to lead our teenagers for the next 25 years.
You pray for that too,...'cause Becky's getting kinda old tired.

Eternity Houses and Text Messages

Our church took 35 people to Conway last night to tour the "Eternity House". Our reservations were for 8:30 PM which would have put us home about 10:00. Unfortunately, the tour was running late, and we arrived home at 11:30 pm.
Late hours for a school night.
Parents were not happy I'm sure.

I've been to these Heaven/Hell houses where the tourists entered directly into Hellish scenes and then toured Heaven and Heavenly scenes. But this one was slightly different.
This tour took us physically from one room to another, each time building the characters and their relationships with one another. Some of the actors, of course, were portraying Christians, some were not. Some were searching for meaning in their lives,..some were hardened.

The disturbing scene for Ralph, Abby and I was when they drew us into a huge car wreck scene. We entered into a room, complete with crashed and upside down cars, police lights and sirens, bodies on the pavement covered with white sheets and screaming (I mean screaming) survivors and family members.

In my life:
I try to be (and appear) well-adjusted.
I try to be in control.
I try to not dwell on details that torment.
I laugh, therefore it's easy for people assume the pain is gone. The truth would strike them dumb.
I ask God nearly every day to keep my mind safe from thoughts that easily get out of control.
But scenes like the one we walked into at the Eternity House can easily and rapidly bring me to my emotional limits.
Blessedly,..recovery comes quicker these days than they used to.

The results of the tour was that we all were reminded of the single most important question of our entire lives:
"Where will I spend Eternity?"

On the ride back home, I received a text message from one of my older kids in the group. It said simply,..."I am thinking I've lost my way. I need you to help me find my way back to God".

I've never considered doing an entire counseling session via text message, but I'm telling ya,..it works! My little ol fingers kept my telephone keypad lit up with responses for his thoughts and searching questions. However,...I'm not a good "text-er". Really S L O W.
Poor guy. He was a patient reader.

Thoughtful night.
Late night.
Painful night.
Technological nightmare (for me!)
Redemptive night.
Good night.

Falcon Marching Band

Blogger's block: When you can't bring your thoughts together where they make a bit of sense.

Actually,..I have a lot of thoughts, but I'm seldom a deep thinker. Listen friend,..if I were to put my thoughts and ideas on here as they cross my mind, you would back away from your computer screen saying, "Yep. I knew it. Here's proof. She's nuts."

This weekend was taken up, and I mean flat taken all up! with the NORTH PULASKI FALCONS HIGH SCHOOL MARCHING BAND. (That's how we like to hear it on the PA system. Loud and enthusiastic). Of course, our band achieved perfection in all of their scores. Their performances are beautiful and amazing to watch.

I recall that special night of Abby's first band concert. I sat in the auditorium expecting to be emotionally moved as I was when I first heard Jae and Casey's first choir performances. (Those two concerts moved me to tears. Young voices singing: Pia Jesu'.....Pia Jesu'.....)

sigh.

Back to the band.

When Abby's band director stepped onto the podium, the choir and audience alike became hushed and still.

She lifted her baton and the students instantly and with precision lifted their instruments to the correct position.

I, and the rest of the audience, seemed to hold our breath in anticipation.

The director swept her hands up and the auditorium was filled with what sounded like a hundred and twenty car horns honking a familiar sounding rhythm.

No kidding.

But that was four years ago.

Today, they are a lean mean competing machine which strikes fear in other high school bands on competition day.

My admiration is deep for Karen Dismuke, the director. You ought to see this phenomenal woman with her students. She's the kind of teacher who we all love to hear about in stories and on TV. She's the whole package,..funny, talented, firm, inspirational, soft and so on.

But hats off as well to Mrs. Koehler who led these students through their horn honking phase. It's no wonder she works along side of Mrs. D. at the competitions! It's the fruit of her hard work in that band room at middle school.

I'm proud of the students too. They are now part of something which is much larger than themselves.

They have students who are:

"Load Masters"-tons of equipment, instruments and a huge trailer.

"Bus Captains" - it takes 3 school buses to take them everywhere.

"Section Leaders" - it's a big band. Small groups can provide motivation/communication.

I've witnessed older students take care of the younger.

Not a lot of popularity issues.

I'm sure the high school "drama" is there,..but not on the level I've seen in other student groups.

Spending the day at War Memorial stadium filled with 2000 musically talented teenagers, 100 or so of whom I love,.....

now that's what I call a good day.

I'll talk to you soon.

Homecoming Queen and Her Subjects

This story is about a beautiful girl, but also speaks to the beauty of her classmates!

God Doesn't Read My Blog

Once a couple of years ago, Casey and Ralph were eating at a restaurant and three men sitting at a nearby table began to ogle her. She was very uncomfortable and Ralph was very irritated.
They exited the resturant, returning to the truck for the trip back to school when Casey had to go back into the restaurant to retrieve something she had forgotten.

She hurriedly returned to the truck flushed and alarmed because one of the men had said something very inappropriate to her in front of the rest of the customers.
She told her daddy what the man had done.

Ralph calmly exited the truck, entered the restaurant and approached the table where the three men sat. He loudly (but calmly. Really.) informed them all that his daughter had the right to be in this restaurant without being harassed.

One of the men sheepishly said "I didn't say nuthin.",..to which Ralph yelled "Then I'm not talking to you!" as he turned his glare towards the one who had issued the verbal insult to Casey.

He left after informing them a couple of more times that none of them had better ever speak a word to his daughter again.

Casey recalls that very short moment in her life with clarity. She has always known her daddy would be there for her in times of danger, but as she watched him intercede in her behalf she "knew" a side of him that she had never seen before.

The way I know God now is vastly (let me repeat,...vastly) different from the way I knew Him before my loss.
Did He change?
Of course not.

But like Casey felt loved and protected by Ralph that day, I learned that hearing about God's protection and experiencing it are two different things.

I have been the recipient of my Lord's indescribable comfort when I was in danger.
I would have preferred to be shielded from pain,..but I guess that's not always an option for us.
So.
He makes the pain bearable and then promises us that He will also redeem it.
I'm looking forward to the whole redemption thing.
I guess that will have to all happen in Heaven, 'cause I'm worldly, selfish and carnal enough to prefer Jae's life to the things I've learned.

Is that heresy?
Do I really mean that?
Maybe.
Maybe not.

I love God with everything I am.
In fact,..I think about Him so much that I sometimes feel like a Christian "fanatic".

Thank goodness He knows my thoughts.
Thank goodness He doesn't have to read about my thoughts here.
He doesn't get offended when I can't explain His ways.
He loves me.

Psalm 34:18 says "If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there."
(The Message)

I Am....

I am humbled.
I've had an exciting week.
I've not spoken much about it here, 'cause I was afraid it would all fall through.
Youth Specialties is an organization has been instrumental in the formation of my spiritual worldview. No lie. I have been profoundly and deeply influenced by the late Mike Yaconelli and his staff at YS.
A few weeks ago, they sent out a request on their blog (I have them linked to mine) for all youth ministers to send in their "most memorable youth ministry moments".
It was an easy request for me.
I sent them my post from this blog dated 6/14/08.
Well lo and behold! They chose to profile that moment at their three national youth worker conventions this fall.
Their Media Specialist, Ian Robertson, flew in from California Wednesday and spent the day with me, interviewing and shooting some video.
Ian is an incredibly talented young man who just yesterday had his first short film screened at the "San Diego Film Festival".

I am unworthy.
There are thousands of youth workers out there who are better educated and more exciting than me. I feel like these men and women will watch the segment on me at the national conventions and yell,.."Impostor! She's not a real youth leader!"
It seems like I have spent most of my adult life in youth ministry wishing for a bigger budget, a better program and a more exciting staff member than me.
I seriously am no big deal.
Seriously.

I am relieved.
Youth Specialties has a motto which says:"You love kids. We love you." I have actually felt that love down through the years, even though I had never met any of the staff. After spending the day with Ian, I could tell he loved me and what I do.
I would have been way disappointed if he had been all business-like and intimidating, but he was wonderful.
Just like I imagined all the YS staff would be.


I am thankful.
God continues to let me talk about Jae Lynn. He allows me to introduce her to the world. I sure 'nuff would have chosen a different way to involve her in ministry, but I am trying to be content with her story as it is now.
She always was one to do things different.
I miss her.
(That's a colossal understatement.)

I am amazed.
At the grace which God bestows on me. Why does He love it when I love Him? I'll never understand.

I am afraid.
That I will stop seeing God work.
I am in the middle of about five different ways where He is working in big and obvious ways. I've been praying for Him to do BIG things and I know "He's way too big for me to mess Him up" (Beth Moore's words), but if anyone could get in His way, I'm sure it would be me.
I just don't want Him to stop the fun.
It's been exhilarating to watch Him work in some of the private and public areas of my life.

In spite of the fact that I frequently camp there, I can't stand the idea of living in mediocrity.

It's Good To Be Bad

Last Friday night, I took our church teenagers to Wild River Country for a Lock-in. This fun night began around 8 pm and was supposed to be over around 1:30 am. My original plan was to take them as the only chaperone, but my wonderful husband ended up having to drive the big church bus because there were 20!
20 teenagers!
Love it.

Several were very young and had no experience going on a youth event. I was a bit worried for them.

I also had Nina, who is one of my all time favorite teenagers, and has a penchant for breaking rules. Worried about her too.

After a couple of hours there, Ralph fell asleep on one of the chaise lounges and I decided to take stroll through the water park. From some distance away, I happened to notice approximately half of my youth group having an animated conversation near the CYCLONE slide. Now the CYCLONE is biggest slide in the park, but on this night was closed for repairs.
Bummer.
The funnest ride was dark, unmanned and still.
Except for three little dark haired heads climbing out of the bottom of the slide. (Bayou Meto Baptist teen heads)
A nearby lifeguard witnessed this and looked away.

Judging by the hand motions and body language of those three and the rest of my group that joined them, it appeared that they were all considering playing on the CYCLONE, even though the sign stated it was closed.
To my surprise and satisfaction, the teens even asked the nearby lifeguard, working a nearby slide for permission to enter the CYCLONE.
To their surprise, (and mine)..the lifeguard gave them a "thumbs up" signal!

My teens visibly perked and off they ran.
Three entered from the bottom and the other 6-8 began to climb for the top!

Minutes later,...I witnessed my teens all following the Wild River Country Management. They were all in a row, looking dejected and frightened. The three from the bottom had run away and were now on the lam.
The rest were now on their way to the WRC Department of Security.

Joining them, I told the managers that I was their sponsor and that they felt as if they had been given permission to go on the slide by the nearby lifeguard. I informed the management and security that I had even witnessed the exchange myself.
They were not impressed.
They wanted the other three.

I went and gathered up the escapees and woke Ralph.
We all pow-wowed with security and managers and rather than get us all kicked out of the park,..the offenders were grounded.
No more swimming!
They all raced to the concession stand.

I tried real hard, but couldn't get mad about any of it.
Here's the good stuff that I see in it all:
**Jared, my oldest, became the spokesman for the group when they were all alone and in trouble.
**My youngest new kids in the youth group don't have a clue it even happened.
**That 12 kids got in trouble, and none of them were Nina.
** That the youth group now says that it was the best outing they have had in years.

Belonging

Do you have a time of your life which is your favorite?

I think my all time favorite time of family life was when Jae was in Cheerleading full-throttle and Casey was playing in all of her sports programs. Abby woke up every morning asking "Where do I have to go today?"
Our schedule was absolutely double-booked and we felt as if we lived in the gym or at the ballpark.

I used to joke that I whenever I called the family for supper, they ran and sat in the car!! :)

After Jae's wreck, the schedule came to almost a screeching halt. Casey's softball team was wrapping up the season, and I no longer had a cheerleader living with me. Our calender still had a several things penciled in,.but they were no longer things I belonged to.
Cheerleading fundraisers.
Car washes.
Cheer camp meetings.
Cheer camp.
School cheerleaders get the summer off, but Competitive Cheer squads have no "off season". Jae, of course, was a member of both.

Fall came,..football season.
Friday night football games was where our family all gathered. I was one of the mom's who held the jackets, re-stocked the programs, planned the after game parties, HOSTED the after game parties, watched the cheer routines and dances, loved the band, loved the announcer (my husband!), etc...

After Jae was killed, those Friday night football games became the most painful of all nights. I went a few times,..but my eyes kept wandering to the far left corner of the cheer team. The sounds of the band evoked agony as I recalled her dancing to every song with her skinny legs and messy ponytail.
I just did not belong any more.
Where was I supposed to sit?
I couldn't sit with the other cheer moms, even though they would have welcomed me. It's hard to have school spirit and adore your daughter with someone dying beside you.
I couldn't pass the cheer moms up and go sit somewhere else. Think about it. Just too awkward.
I tried to sit in the press box with Ralph,..but my crying was a distraction.

I have been a North Pulaski Falcon since 1980, but I felt like a pitiful stranger. Walking along the bottom of the stands looking up for a seat was excruciating.
I flitted around, talking to everyone I know, trying to act like I was sitting somewhere else.

I usually ended up leaving early trying to hold in the sobs until I reached the car.
Occasionally I made it.

Finally, I just stopped going.

This week, Abby received her 9th grade band schedule. She is a terrific clarinet player and will be marching with the varsity Falcon Marching band.
You should see the schedule these kids have!

I put it all on my calender and felt anticipation and excitement for the first time in years.

I will belong once again.

The Most Important Lesson I Ever Taught

Have you ever come to a place in your life where you ask yourself ,,."is this all there is?"
There was a time like that for me.
It was a time, not too long ago, when my Faith walk had come to a deeply troubling place. I felt that I was working and struggling under the weight of a church religion without experiencing the joy and freedom that it promised.
This particular time in my life often found me worried what others thought of me, and less worried what God thought of me. Unfortunately,..the same oppressive mind-set was devastating Ralph and the three girls.
Where was our peace?
Where was our joy?
Our home was not as it should be.

Over a period of months,..and without a real intention to do so, Ralph and I began to "work out our Faith with fear and trembling".

One day, as I prepared the Wednesday night lesson for our teenagers,..I began to pull together a lesson on Grace. I began with a background of Moses,..the 10 Commandments,..the Laws of Leviticus and how priests were to interpret and intercede on behalf of the children Of God.
I explained how religion all revolved around "rules" and then I would read the teens a few rules from Leviticus.
I then I discussed how generations and time had somehow changed some of the interpretations and duties of the law and it finally reached a point where no one,..no one,... could hardly ever keep the law.
It was crazy to try.
Interspersed throughout the lesson, I would read several rules from Leviticus.

Most people couldn't read in those days, and were dependent on the scholars and priests to teach the right way of salvation. The Pharisees had a reputation of being pious and proud and the regular 'ole Jewish person was often left wondering if they were "good enough".

Enter Jesus of Nazareth.
Teaching wonderful things like "God will now begin to base His judgement on the one thing you can control,...your heart!"
This was Good News indeed!

But what about the "rules"? the church leaders asked.
Actually it probably was more like:
"Gasp,....WHAT ABOUT THE RULES!!"

Grace was a new word,..but was the wonderful freeing Word of Salvation to the people who had been straining under the weight of their religion.

I declared that Wednesday night, that I would be turning over a new leaf! I told the kids that as of that very moment,..I was living my life differently. I asked them to join me as we began focusing on what God thought of us,..and stop worrying about what others thought.

It felt rebellious!
It felt mutinous!
It felt liberating!
Teenagers love all of those feelings! :)

That Wednesday evening,..a beautiful young girl sat there, in her softball uniform and her ponytail, captivated and staring at me as I spoke this passionate and personal lesson on the freedom of Grace.

The lesson was for me.
The lesson was for my teenagers.
But the lesson was mostly for that young girl,...my 16 y/o daughter, Jae Lynn.
I felt as if I was telling her,.. "Jae baby,..this Grace is for you. You are way too unique to be forced into a stuffy religion and we're not gonna do it anymore! From now on,..Let's follow God with our hearts! Let's live in the freedom of grace."

I could tell. She understood the message.

The date of that lesson was March 17, 2004.
Less that 24 hours later,..Jae Lynn was killed in a horrific car wreck.

*********************
*********************

I have often wondered why God inspired me to teach that lesson on that night.
Was that His gift to her?
or was it His gift to me?
Both, I suppose.

The real gift, however,..is not the memory,..nor the lesson,...
It's the subject,....
The real gift is Grace.