Lies And Wishes

Tonight, I was pilfering through Jae's room searching for some pictures and Abby came in to talk.
Loooonnnnng conversation.
There were lots of thoughts and questions about what Jae Lynn is like right now.

If you have followed this blog for any time, you will recall that my obsession with Jae's after-death whereabouts led me on an intense and in-depth search for information about Heaven.

That is an understatement.

By no means do I think that I am now an expert, but I have personally come to believe that most of my ideas of Heaven and it's occupants have been based upon wrong theology. As I shared some of my thoughts about Jae and angels and Heaven,...Abby was irritated.
At me.
At all of her past Sunday school teachers.
At our church pastors.
She feels that she has been "lied to".
Then she dismissed most of my observations and told she would believe what she wanted to.
(Deep discussions are never easy with this daughter)

Here in June of 2010, Abby is the age that Jae Lynn was at the time of her accident.
That's a really big deal.
I think that Abby is fully comprehending the loss of her oldest sister more than she has done in past years. It's as if she, 6 years after the loss, knows Jae better now than she did when she was 10.
Devastated at 10 but filled with understanding at 16.

I asked her if Jae was right here with us, what would she say to her?
Her reply was ......."secret things".

I wish I understood life after death.
I'm told to believe and have faith.
I do and I do.

But that doesn't take away the wishing.