Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Letters to the Unseen

Dear Peace,
I have read all my life in Philippians that you will guard my heart and mind. It's true that when you are there, you do indeed surpass all understanding, but this morning I have a question:
Where are you?
It appears that you have left your post. You have left me vulnerable and unprotected.

Dear Death,
My question for you is:
Who are you?
You are obviously under God's power because He uses you for a wide variety of reasons in scripture. Most are unpleasant.
To me, you are the most destructive weapon of my most feared enemy. The wound you have inflicted on me is staggering.
But then,....God Himself rejoices when you bring one of us to Him.
I don't understand you death.
Are you Satan?
Are you an angel?
The Apostle Paul taunted you in I Corinthians 15, but I will not.

Dear Hope and Joy,
What a blessing the two of you have been to me. Neither of you have left my side, even when I was at my lowest place. You both are the reason I can get up each morning. It is an indescribable encouragement to know that you are steady in spite of emotions. I have not always felt you in my circumstances, but I have known in my head you were there. When "peace" takes a break, and my heart begins to fail me, you stay in my mind.
I don't always understand you, I can occasionally explain you, but I am always grateful for you.

Dear Jae,
I would give anything and everything I own this morning to hold you, look into your eyes and hear your voice.
I have been unable to stop myself lately from looking through our pictures so I could see you more. Your absence in this home may not be discussed every moment, but is a steady thread of pain that is woven into all we do. We may laugh at a good or funny memory, but as the laughter goes away, and we each draw back into ourselves, we walk away from the moment with the bitter reminder of what we no longer have.

We are still learning to keep the family car on the road with one wheel off, but every once in a while, I just have to pull over and get out to survey the damage. I shake my head in amazement that the car still runs.

Our family of 5 still lives, you there, and us here.
You now have understanding, and we have none.
Until death (whoever he is) brings me there, with you, I will do my best to hold onto the God who loves us both so very much. Trying to understand God exhausts me, but my hope in Him is my spiritual, emotional and mental salvation.
I have no idea what Heaven will be like when I first get there, but surely,....surely,....God will let me find you.
Be looking.

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