Christmas 2009

I will not be one of those people who enter the Christmas season just wishing it was over.
However, I will also not ignore the strain that I feel this time of the year.
We all have the stress of the holidays, even those of us who try hard to focus on the true meaning.
Can we really escape it?
Can we really enjoy the entire Christmas season with all of it's crowds, parties and programs?
Those of us who love to shop often feel pressure to find a perfect suitable gift for the ones we love but who already have everything.

Our family (Jeffers and Russells) decided this year to really and truly "scale back". We've talked about it before,..but this year most of us really did it. Our plans were to spend our time/money on something which had a positive impact on others.
It was wonderful and I loved it.
I'm not relating the following info to make us look special or holier than others, but I'm sharing what has helped bring more meaning to my life during a wonderful but painful time.

Between all of us, we provided Christmas for several children through the Salvation army, we fed and clothed the hungry through an established organization in Little Rock and we established an award which will be given to a high school student in the North Pulaski Chorale department. It is in memory and honor of two of my favorite singers,..my father, Louie and his granddaughter Jae Lynn.

It's called the

Barefoot Singer Award

Singing with no shoes symbolizes vulnerability, passion and freedom

from barriers and inhibitions.
Singing barefooted heightens the senses of the
performer as well as the listener
by incorporating physical touch and sight

into the creation of musical sounds.

This award in presented tonight in memory of a singer who loved to
perform barefooted on this very stage.
When Jae Lynn Russell’s voice left us in 2004,
the entire choral department of North Pulaski came together,
removed their shoes and performed in her honor.

A Barefoot Singer will have a song
on their mind, in their heart and on their lips
in what ever circumstances they are in.

A Barefoot Singer will sing just as surely as they will breathe
and music is not so much considered a part of their life

as it is a part of their soul.
A Barefoot Singer is a lover, a dreamer and believes that
magical things can happen when music is in the air.

Although this Barefoot Singer award is going to a very talented individual,

it not their ability which sets them apart from their peers.
Rather,....it is their love of the song.

　

I don't know all of my readers and followers but I have loved your company this year.
Merry Christmas friends.

　
　

Teddy

Shopping today in June's Hallmark of NLR almost led me into one of those Christmastimehumdingerhissyfits.
Have you ever had one of those?
I wrote about them here.


My time spent the past couple of days with Casey and Abby has left me pining for my other daughter.
What would Jae be like today?

Today, in the Hallmark store, I was reminded of a time, years ago, when I was in there shopping for something. Jae was about 8 years old and as we entered the store, her eye fell onto a small red teddy bear sitting in the middle of a hundred other stuffed animals. She gasped, knelt down in front of the rack, picked up the bear and followed me through the store. She cooed and whispered to it the entire time as I browsed for forgettable things.


She begged me for it.
Begged me I tell ya.

I said "no".


You should have witnessed the emotional parting she and this red teddy bear had right there in the aisle of that busy store.
It was a quiet separation but I knew she felt as if she was leaving someone special.

I recall a similar time when in a toy store at Branson, Jae saw a doll named "Polly Flinders". The minute she saw the doll, we could tell that it was different. She seemed to connect with it in a way that we had not seen before.
Her desire for Polly Flinders could best be described as ......desperate.
Even after Jae no longer played with dolls, Polly was never put away.

For some reason, this red teddy in the hallmark store seemed to be similar to Polly, so as soon as I could, I returned to purchase him for one of her Christmas presents.

Teddy became a very important member of our family.
He frequently got buckled in beside her in our family van, he slept on her pillow each night, waited for her to come home each day, he camped with us, accompanied us to Disney, occasionally went to church and he faithfully attended every cheer competition.
He was present as she filled her journals at night and I'm positive he was privy to many of her night-time musings.

In June's hallmark store today, I recalled Jae Lynn kneeling there and meeting Teddy for the first time.

I wanted to tell each mother in the store to buy whatever their kids wished for.

Teddy now sleeps in my room with me.

Mr Bean

My family loves Mr. Bean

annoying ads at the bottom...be sure to "x" them out if they pop up!

The Journey

I've been thinking lately about my purpose.

I guess I should try again to read Rick Warren's book about the purpose-driven life.

Nah.

I think I just need to remember a few things:

Like God is much more concerned about my heart than He is my successes.

He doesn't need me to be good at anything,..He just wants me to be faithful and obedient.

If I can exercise consistent Godly characteristics,

then His ministry will occur through me.

Little ole me.

Having an eternal Kingdom impact.

Although I am not in a true leadership position anywhere,

I have found that I am constantly leading people.

In most of my relationships at work and church, my old age (!) has given me

much experience in a variety of interesting things.

As a leader, I want to remember to be the biggest servant.

I don't want to have a "disdain for the mundane".

If I'm stacking chairs after a church event, then I want to be the best chair stacker ever.

If I'm washing dishes, then I want others to see me standing joyful at the sink.

Does God care about dishes and chair-stacking?

Maybe or maybe not, but I know

He cares about how I feel and act when performing those tasks.

I can't expect any type of ministry in my life to flourish if I don't

seek God through prayer and scripture.

Desiring a close walk with God won't get me there.

Feeling guilty is non-productive.

Church attendance is important but by itself will not sustain a life of purpose and ministry.

It's not enough to discuss God and His wonderful ways.

I can surround myself with good dancers, talk all day of my dancing skills,

and immerse myself in performances,

but that doesn't make me a dancer.

My life is about the journey.

Unexpected detours seem to be in the plan.

The only place I need to "arrive" at is Heaven.

Youth Workers Convention

I don't think Satan wanted me to go to Atlanta this weekend.
There were 5 of us scheduled to go to the Youth Specialties Youth Workers Convention and each one of us had serious issues which made us want to stay or be home.
Four of us made the trip in our tiny capsule Mazda and arrived at 4 frazzlin o'clock in the morning!
We pull up to the Omni hotel which appears to have no lobby or parking lot. We somehow wind up in a valet area and are immediately surrounded by tuxedoed valets who did a great job at hiding their disgust with our old dented-up car filled with bubble gum wrappers and a hundred M&M's (which got thrown during a fierce fight).

Now, I need to tell you right here, that somehow, during the 8-9 hours ride sitting in a back seat the size of a milk crate, something serious happened to my right knee.
It began to hurt around Memphis, was killing me at Birmingham and absolutely locked-up as we drove into Atlanta.

It simply would not work.

As Ralph, Levi and Jackie unloaded the car, I was sent by the bellman to the elevator towards the 4th floor for check-in.
Dragging my leg across the cavernous deserted lobby towards 3 fresh-looking desk clerks, they greeted me professionally and I handed them my credit card. One of them apologized and said "I'm sorry ma'am, you have a Marriot credit card and this is an Omni Hotel chain. We can not accept this credit card."

It's four a.m.
My right leg has a mind of it's own.
I'm too tired to think.
"What?"
He apologizes and repeats that the "Omni hotel does not accept credit cards which have other hotel names printed on them."

I had options here.

I could pull out another card

or

I could crawl over the desk and use his tie to choke the snot out of him.

I think he saw clearly that I was going for the second option because he laughed and yelled "I'm just kidding! Oh My Gosh! I'm joking! I'm so sorry ma'am,..I can see how tired you are and I should not have pranked you like that! Please forgive me!"

I should have known.

Welcome to the National Youth Workers Convention.

The weekend was wonderfully filled with refreshment and inspiration and I'm looking forward to sharing some it of here soon.

What's On Your Mind?

I wonder sometimes, as I live, work and socialize with different people, what types of agonies lurk in the front of their minds as they carry on conversations with me.

As I laugh and joke about mundane things, mention newspaper articles or comment on life,..have my friends been mentally and emotionally sidetracked by horrible memories?

Could my friends be making a valiant attempt to respond to my conversation but deep inside their head, they are mulling an internal pain which would silence me if I knew of it?

That happened to me today.
I excused myself from the crowd so I would not make a scene.
Was I angry?
Nope.
Were they insensitive?
Not really,..they didn't know me "before" so don't fully understand the sharp trajectory change my life has taken.
It's not noticeable to the eye.
I have a deep wound which appears healed, but festers under the surface.

My friends would not know that their topic of discussion began a mental train of thought which could not be stopped.
I could not tell them that as they were talking an joking among themselves that I was replaying a nightmarish scene that played itself out in my front yard of the afternoon of March 18th, 2004.
There are some pains which are never forgotten.
It becomes part of us without us wanting it to be so.
The hurt defies description, yet,.. it's ordinary and normal.
We pray to be separated from it, but it's utterly impossible.
It ebbs and fades at times, but we feel it from a distance knowing it will return.
We all say that "Pain comes to us all", but sleeping, waking and living with it is so,......painful.

It's not crippling by any means, but it is lonely.
Very lonely.

Maybe it's the grief of losing someone who we don't think we can live without.
Maybe it's the loss of love through divorce or rejection.
Violence inflicted upon us by another.
Physical illness and suffering.
A prodigal child.
Addiction.

Whatever it is,..it's is never far from the mind.

I must remember that when I interact with people.
I must remember that about me.

Matthew

My book to study this month is Matthew.
Some of the things I learn in my study almost seem so elementary that I often find myself ashamed because I'm just now learning them
I think,.."everyone knows these things except me!"
Well, I'm not disclosing what I learned today at my kitchen table because you would think me a big doofus.

I WILL however, mention other interesting (to me) observations from my last couple of days in Matthew:

There are four women listed in Matthew's discussion of Jesus' linage.
Two were prostitutes. (Tamar and Rahab)
One was an adulterous. (Bathsheba)
The last one mentioned was from a sworn enemy people of the Jews. (Ruth)

John the Baptist is in the middle of a verbal tirade against the Pharisees and Sadducees when his cousin Jesus appears out of nowhere, pecks him on the shoulder and asks to be baptized. John switches instantly from a loud confident prophet to a knowledgeable but humble (confused?) brother.
I would have loved to have witnessed this moment shared between the two of them.


After Jesus was baptized,..the Spirit of God descended and "hovered" on Him as a dove. Did you know that in the second verse of Genesis 1,..before the world was formed,..the Spirit of God "hovered" over the darkness?
The Spirit of God as a tiny dove vs the Spirit of God hovering over a huge unformed planet.
One and the same.