Thursday, January 10, 2008

Soul deficiencies

Note the time of this post. It is early. Especially since I have already been up for over a couple of hours. It is a good thing for you, my few readers, that I do not write the moment that I find myself unable to sleep. The thoughts that often drive me out of sleep and ultimately out of the bed are often ones which would condemn me to the closest nut house.

ONE of the subjects on my bitty mind this night has been related to my work. You see, my small Cardiac Rehabilitation Unit is undergoing a National inspection/re-certification process which must be done every few years so that we are "Credentialed".
"Certified".
"Qualified".
"Standard".
"Good enough for Medicare funds".

Basically, we are given a 20 page, 10 font document filled with hundreds of requirements, details and legal-speak which must demonstrate our daily work and prove that we are following all the National standards that have been set forth by the AACVPRA.
Yes, that's right...The AACVPRA. All of those letters represent a group of people whom we have never met, yet who will decide whether we are fit to deliver care at the North Little Rock Hospital.
We have been working for weeks to put together one notebook which holds examples of our work, examples of our forms, and the answers to all of the questions which they have asked. We will send this huge important document to this group of strangers who will then hold our professional fate in their hands for weeks before they let us know if we have any "deficiencies".
We are scared to death.
But we need their input to survive in health care.

I wish there was a place to go where I could get a list of requirements for me for a fruitful Godly life. One list of must-do's and specific examples which explain what my life should look like. Yes,..yes,..I KNOW I have the Bible, but to me, the examples there are confusing and leave a lot to the interpretation.
One great Bible character may do something one way and God is pleased.
Another great character does things a different way and God is pleased.
Then there may be a greater Bible character who does something and God is not pleased.

I have struggled for almost 4 years with this whole "will of God" thing. My searching for God's will has often been about the past, but now,..now I find that I am concerned for the future of me and those I love.
There is much at stake. I must get this right.

There are times when I feel like I am making progress on becoming "qualified", and then I come across another situation which makes me think I don't have a clue what I am doing in the Christ-following business.

I wish sometimes that I would just be given a list of deficiencies that I have and then I would know what to fix.
I know many of them all too well, but is there something large or small that I don't see?
There must be.

I get up in the morning thinking "I am going to change the world".
But after a few hours, I find myself feeling and thinking " I am going to bed as soon as I am able".

Philippians 4:6-7(the Message)
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will settle you down.

I think those two verses will be my plan for my 30 minute ride into work.

1 comment:

Eric said...

Becky,

Heartfelt post that all of us seeking to follow Jesus can relate to. So many times I have looked for that list. All I seem to be able to find is Jesus saying, "Follow me."

Let's keep following Jesus together...