As I have said before,..I try to do an in-depth study of one book each month. Maybe not the best way to go through the Bible,..some people go thru it in one year. But this book-a-month way has been wonderful for me. In fact,..I'm going to do it again next year.
Hey,.. I have an idea:
I'll post the books for each month,..and your New Year's resolution can be to do it with me!
silence
(Why, thank-you Becky for planning everybody's life)
This month's study is supposed to be Acts. Not very Christmasy, but I did Luke last month so I am all saturated in the story of the season.
Anyway.
Abby, for some reason, has become interested in Revelation. She has always enjoyed scary stories and someone mentioned to her that there were monsters (i.e. creatures) in the book of Revelation.
So, curious of interesting biblical wonders, she has looked up all the passages of monsters/creatures.
Her next step of biblical study has been to interrogate me about the purpose and meaning of them all.
Now, do I know the purpose and meaning of the symbolism of a single one of them?
No.
I do not.
So this month, I am scrapping Acts (sorry Dr. Luke) to delve headfirst into Revelation.
How exciting.
I went out and bought a commentary of Revelation to assist me in learning about this fantastic, apocalyptic book.
The first thing it said was that John was not the author.
This guy takes issue with The Revelation of John on the Isle of Patmos.
Good grief.
Haven't even began the book and I'm in the middle of doctrinal controversy.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Exposed Wires
My friend Kay (who is now a griever herself after losing her mom unexpectedly) read my last post and told me "Man Becky! You showed everybody all your wires with that post".
I quickly reminded her that she was the one who told me to make this writing real or shut the blog down.
So.
I didn't mean to show my wires.
Really.
I don't want this to be a place where you are watching (reading) a train wreck,....you know,..where it's so ugly but you just can't look away? There are lots of times when I write something and then wish I had not been so transparent.
Here's where I am today:
My life is full to the brim with God's blessings. On my worst day,..whether I say so or not,....I am confident that God is charge of everything and any pain we experience here will be forgotten in the glory of God's presence and His dwelling place.
In fact,..anyone who knows me knows that most of my healing has come through that very idea.
Christmas is such a gift to those of us who love and follow Christ.
3rd verse of
Hark, The Herald Angels Sing
Hail the Heaven born Prince of Peace
Hail the Son of Righteousness
Light and life to all He brings
Risen with healing in His wings
(now here's my favorite part)
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King!"
3rd verses are scarce in a Baptist church. Somehow,..they always get skipped. However,..I'm going to protest (protest I tell ya!) if our church skips that verse this Christmas.
It's pivotal to the entire song. The song writers, ole Charles and Felix, would be outraged to see how we lop off the main point of their message.
By the way,...when the piano player protests a song,..it can be noticeable!
I quickly reminded her that she was the one who told me to make this writing real or shut the blog down.
So.
I didn't mean to show my wires.
Really.
I don't want this to be a place where you are watching (reading) a train wreck,....you know,..where it's so ugly but you just can't look away? There are lots of times when I write something and then wish I had not been so transparent.
Here's where I am today:
My life is full to the brim with God's blessings. On my worst day,..whether I say so or not,....I am confident that God is charge of everything and any pain we experience here will be forgotten in the glory of God's presence and His dwelling place.
In fact,..anyone who knows me knows that most of my healing has come through that very idea.
Christmas is such a gift to those of us who love and follow Christ.
3rd verse of
Hark, The Herald Angels Sing
Hail the Heaven born Prince of Peace
Hail the Son of Righteousness
Light and life to all He brings
Risen with healing in His wings
(now here's my favorite part)
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King!"
3rd verses are scarce in a Baptist church. Somehow,..they always get skipped. However,..I'm going to protest (protest I tell ya!) if our church skips that verse this Christmas.
It's pivotal to the entire song. The song writers, ole Charles and Felix, would be outraged to see how we lop off the main point of their message.
By the way,...when the piano player protests a song,..it can be noticeable!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Something Is Missing
Last night was the Bereaved Parents annual candlelight remembrance of our children. A mom (or dad) can not come out of a gathering like that with her emotions intact. Mine were pretty much in tatters.
I tend to look all fine on the outside,...but my insides are not always in such good shape. It's not that I always try to hide things. I have no intention to masquerade, it's just the way I am.
I worked today, chatted with patients, answered phone calls, did my usual job.
But something was very different today.
Something is wrong.
Something is missing.
I woke up feeling that way.
Clocked in, wondering if today was the day. (for what?)
All day I checked my cell for missed calls and I anticipated every phone call at work was for me.
Wished I was home.
Lots of ideas about lots of things, but no energy to do more than "think" of them.
I am feeling powerless and and disconnected from my responsibilities.
Today I spoke with the kind woman who "cared" for Jae at the funeral home. This sweet lady cried today as she recalled crying over her small body that day.
My boss asked me today to apply for a job which would increase my work load by about 1100%. The absurdity of the request was only exceeded by my consideration of doing what he asked. Apply for a job which I don't give a hoot about?
Who does things like that?
Sunday, Ralph was up in the attic looking for something and decided to bring down all our Christmas decorations. He knows I've not been into those since before losing Jae, but men don't always think of those things. Had myself a quiet little freak out moment when they slid down the attic ladder, but I tried not to show it. (Casey was holding her breath, I could tell)
The decorations have sat in the hallway ever since. Unopened. We are walking all around them.
He has offered to put them back up. But I'm not sure,....
Why do I make this a big deal?
What's the rules for something like this?
I know there are families of four all over the place. It's good for them. But it just isn't satisfactory for us. Ralph, Casey, Abby and I enjoy each other immensely, but the Ralph Russell family is a family of 5.
We will always wonder "What if Jae were here,.."
Always wishing things were different.
Tonight I drove home slow. In the rain. Radio silent. Brow all furrowed up.
Thinking of Jae.
Her presence.
Her absence.
Our life as it used to be and as it is now.
Her life as it used to be and wondering what it is now.
Something is missing all right.
I tend to look all fine on the outside,...but my insides are not always in such good shape. It's not that I always try to hide things. I have no intention to masquerade, it's just the way I am.
I worked today, chatted with patients, answered phone calls, did my usual job.
But something was very different today.
Something is wrong.
Something is missing.
I woke up feeling that way.
Clocked in, wondering if today was the day. (for what?)
All day I checked my cell for missed calls and I anticipated every phone call at work was for me.
Wished I was home.
Lots of ideas about lots of things, but no energy to do more than "think" of them.
I am feeling powerless and and disconnected from my responsibilities.
Today I spoke with the kind woman who "cared" for Jae at the funeral home. This sweet lady cried today as she recalled crying over her small body that day.
My boss asked me today to apply for a job which would increase my work load by about 1100%. The absurdity of the request was only exceeded by my consideration of doing what he asked. Apply for a job which I don't give a hoot about?
Who does things like that?
Sunday, Ralph was up in the attic looking for something and decided to bring down all our Christmas decorations. He knows I've not been into those since before losing Jae, but men don't always think of those things. Had myself a quiet little freak out moment when they slid down the attic ladder, but I tried not to show it. (Casey was holding her breath, I could tell)
The decorations have sat in the hallway ever since. Unopened. We are walking all around them.
He has offered to put them back up. But I'm not sure,....
Why do I make this a big deal?
What's the rules for something like this?
I know there are families of four all over the place. It's good for them. But it just isn't satisfactory for us. Ralph, Casey, Abby and I enjoy each other immensely, but the Ralph Russell family is a family of 5.
We will always wonder "What if Jae were here,.."
Always wishing things were different.
Tonight I drove home slow. In the rain. Radio silent. Brow all furrowed up.
Thinking of Jae.
Her presence.
Her absence.
Our life as it used to be and as it is now.
Her life as it used to be and wondering what it is now.
Something is missing all right.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Advice and Thanksgiving
So what did I tell Eddie was the single most important piece of advice in raising girls?
Without thinking,... I told him "Grace".
Not just talking about it, but applying it daily to the kids we often get tired of applying it to.
Grace for the ones who stay on the path we have dreamed for them.
Grace for the ones who take a different one which we had hoped for them.
Grace for the ones who create their own path.
Grace for the ones who aren't even looking for a path.
It doesn't matter the age,....the 2 year old needs it just as much as the 20 year old, and come to think of it,..my brothers and I have continued to receive it from our parents,..even at our age!
Speaking this one tiny piece of advice to Eddie last week, reminded me to tell my girls this past week, that I do not expect perfection. It is a challenge for us moms and dads to make sure we deal with our kids based on what we know in our hearts,..and not respond to them because their behavior may hurt our pride. (Our child can not do that,..why,...what would others think?)
I'm pretty much past worrying what others think of my parenting skills of my two daughters. To be honest,..I've already been there, and it was awful.
I still worry about Casey and Abby.
I still nag.
I still get frustrated sometimes.
Some behaviors will require justice,..not mercy.
But I pray that I live out a walking talking example of unconditional love and support. It's not that hard, 'cause they are both incredible girls. I also know that they could be living in someone else's home right now instead of ours.
Holiday's are an excellent time to review the priorities.
A family which loves deeply is a treasure and I am grateful for mine.
Without thinking,... I told him "Grace".
Not just talking about it, but applying it daily to the kids we often get tired of applying it to.
Grace for the ones who stay on the path we have dreamed for them.
Grace for the ones who take a different one which we had hoped for them.
Grace for the ones who create their own path.
Grace for the ones who aren't even looking for a path.
It doesn't matter the age,....the 2 year old needs it just as much as the 20 year old, and come to think of it,..my brothers and I have continued to receive it from our parents,..even at our age!
Speaking this one tiny piece of advice to Eddie last week, reminded me to tell my girls this past week, that I do not expect perfection. It is a challenge for us moms and dads to make sure we deal with our kids based on what we know in our hearts,..and not respond to them because their behavior may hurt our pride. (Our child can not do that,..why,...what would others think?)
I'm pretty much past worrying what others think of my parenting skills of my two daughters. To be honest,..I've already been there, and it was awful.
I still worry about Casey and Abby.
I still nag.
I still get frustrated sometimes.
Some behaviors will require justice,..not mercy.
But I pray that I live out a walking talking example of unconditional love and support. It's not that hard, 'cause they are both incredible girls. I also know that they could be living in someone else's home right now instead of ours.
Holiday's are an excellent time to review the priorities.
A family which loves deeply is a treasure and I am grateful for mine.
Friday, November 28, 2008
That's Embarressing
Mercy sakes alive!
Well friends,..for the YouTube video of the highlights from the Nashville conference,......I noticed that there were some ,...ahem,....not-so-nice videos in the sidelines of the YouTube screen. Therefore, I removed the post.
There are obviously other interesting videos with the words "Nashville" in the title, which then creates an entire list of "related"videos.
So sorry.
I will try to be more careful!
Well friends,..for the YouTube video of the highlights from the Nashville conference,......I noticed that there were some ,...ahem,....not-so-nice videos in the sidelines of the YouTube screen. Therefore, I removed the post.
There are obviously other interesting videos with the words "Nashville" in the title, which then creates an entire list of "related"videos.
So sorry.
I will try to be more careful!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Nashville
Have a bunch of pictures, but can I upload or download anything?
NO!
Packafrat!
(that's Jeffers slang for bad words)
Even Abby is unable to get the pictures off of my camera. They'll just have to come onto here later.
Anyway,..here's some thoughts from the wonderfully exhausting Youth Specialities Youth Workers Convention that I was involved in this past weekend:
It was much bigger than I had imagined. There were approximately 5000 attendees (give or take a few).
I am now a David Crowder band fan.
I am now a Lincoln Brewster fan.
But I really a Shane and Shane fan. One of the Shane's is an incredible guitarist. The other Shane performed the entire concert in a carhart cap, tee-shirt and his hands in his jean pockets.
I know that most of you haven't seen the video that Ian (Youth Specialties Producer) created about Jae and the timing of a particular lesson I taught to the youth of Bayou Meto. Ian is supposed to post our video on YouTube as soon as he could get a few moments. I'll try to get it onto here.
I was thrilled that Tic (one of the YS leaders) asked Ian in their morning meeting if I was going to be present for the scheduled Sunday night showing of our video. When he was told I was leaving early, he instructed the production team to switch things around so that it would be shown Saturday night. Tic wanted me present as it played. (Thanks Tic)
It ended up being one of the first things of the evening program and get this,..he then called me to the stage! Ya know what? I wasn't really nervous at all! Tic asked a few questions about my work with the youth, he invited me back to next year's confernce (their expense!), and then he gave us a $200 gift certificate from their resource store!
When I got back to my seat, I asked Levi if I made any sense while up on the stage,..he just smiled and patted my shoulder.
(I'm afraid to consider what he meant by that).
Several people found me after the video. In fact, a couple of them approached me during the remainder of the session. Most had experienced loss,..a few were mom's like me,..some had heard of Jae and her death.
Another exciting thing happened when two couples approached me in the hotel lobby to comment on the video. They introduced themselves and I discovered that they were the lead singer and the agent of the band Everthird. Somehow,....my story was very personal to the lead singer, Shannon and his beautiful wife. They all had been moved by the story and felt compelled to find me and offer a free concert to our youth group at our church! WOO HOO! I can't wait to tell our kids! Almost every single teen in our group is a musician of some kind.
God is so good to me.
and then,......
On Sunday afternoon, as I stood in line to get a Quiznos sandwich, I happen to let The Skit Guys cut in front of me. Of course, they made it a hilarious big deal by screaming to the 75 people behind me that "they just couldn't cut in front of all those people!" (right before they jumped in). Long story,..but they needed to eat and I knew they had only a few minutes before they were to lead one of the break-out sessions on drama.
They were wonderful and as we waited on our order and spoke of my daughters as well as their own. Eddie pulled me aside and quietly asked me:
"Becky,..you have three daughters. If you could give me one piece of advice about raising my little girls,..what would it be?"
My answer?
Tell ya later. This post is too long! :)
NO!
Packafrat!
(that's Jeffers slang for bad words)
Even Abby is unable to get the pictures off of my camera. They'll just have to come onto here later.
Anyway,..here's some thoughts from the wonderfully exhausting Youth Specialities Youth Workers Convention that I was involved in this past weekend:
It was much bigger than I had imagined. There were approximately 5000 attendees (give or take a few).
I am now a David Crowder band fan.
I am now a Lincoln Brewster fan.
But I really a Shane and Shane fan. One of the Shane's is an incredible guitarist. The other Shane performed the entire concert in a carhart cap, tee-shirt and his hands in his jean pockets.
I know that most of you haven't seen the video that Ian (Youth Specialties Producer) created about Jae and the timing of a particular lesson I taught to the youth of Bayou Meto. Ian is supposed to post our video on YouTube as soon as he could get a few moments. I'll try to get it onto here.
I was thrilled that Tic (one of the YS leaders) asked Ian in their morning meeting if I was going to be present for the scheduled Sunday night showing of our video. When he was told I was leaving early, he instructed the production team to switch things around so that it would be shown Saturday night. Tic wanted me present as it played. (Thanks Tic)
It ended up being one of the first things of the evening program and get this,..he then called me to the stage! Ya know what? I wasn't really nervous at all! Tic asked a few questions about my work with the youth, he invited me back to next year's confernce (their expense!), and then he gave us a $200 gift certificate from their resource store!
When I got back to my seat, I asked Levi if I made any sense while up on the stage,..he just smiled and patted my shoulder.
(I'm afraid to consider what he meant by that).
Several people found me after the video. In fact, a couple of them approached me during the remainder of the session. Most had experienced loss,..a few were mom's like me,..some had heard of Jae and her death.
Another exciting thing happened when two couples approached me in the hotel lobby to comment on the video. They introduced themselves and I discovered that they were the lead singer and the agent of the band Everthird. Somehow,....my story was very personal to the lead singer, Shannon and his beautiful wife. They all had been moved by the story and felt compelled to find me and offer a free concert to our youth group at our church! WOO HOO! I can't wait to tell our kids! Almost every single teen in our group is a musician of some kind.
God is so good to me.
and then,......
On Sunday afternoon, as I stood in line to get a Quiznos sandwich, I happen to let The Skit Guys cut in front of me. Of course, they made it a hilarious big deal by screaming to the 75 people behind me that "they just couldn't cut in front of all those people!" (right before they jumped in). Long story,..but they needed to eat and I knew they had only a few minutes before they were to lead one of the break-out sessions on drama.
They were wonderful and as we waited on our order and spoke of my daughters as well as their own. Eddie pulled me aside and quietly asked me:
"Becky,..you have three daughters. If you could give me one piece of advice about raising my little girls,..what would it be?"
My answer?
Tell ya later. This post is too long! :)
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