Sunday, December 16, 2007


I think that I may stay for awhile on this subject of "becoming stronger or becoming bitter".

I have pondered for months as to what makes some of us pull towards God in pain and some of us pull away from Him.
Are there any books out there which spell out the spiritual direction we will go?
We all have emotional and physical devastations,..but we all respond differently.

I know personally that practicing what I preach is much harder than I thought it would be. I can just hear the phrase (sing-song voice here) "we are to trust in God in the good times as well as the bad". Altho I can not recall any times specifically, I am sure that I said that phrase to people who were hurting.
I was clueless.
I am sorry that I said that to anyone.
I very well may say it to someone again, but now,,..I will know what I am talking about.

Is it our upbringing?
Is it our genetic temperament?
People endure similar losses, but have polar opposite reactions. Why?

To me, the fact that God will make sense of my loss is the only thing that makes sense. Nothing else will hold muster. Somewhere, sometime, in Heaven I guess, I will see that losing Jae Lynn had a purpose. To say otherwise would enrage me. Of course, her death was not pointless!

My frustration is that I have not been allowed to know the point. The purpose is hidden from me. Me. Her mother. God makes me an intelligent woman and then keeps me in the dark about such stuff.

What in the world can He be thinking?

Isaiah 55 reminds me that "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways. As far as the Heavens are higher than the Earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts higher than your thoughts".

In spite of knowing this verse, and truly believing it,..I suspect I will continue to grapple with wanting answers.
Then, when I get worn slap dab out from grappling, I "rest" in the knowledge that He has a really good explanation. I don't "rest" there because I have come to terms with anything, it's just that I am too worn out to think anymore. Then, before I know it, I pick up all the pain again and once again ask God: "What are you thinking?"

No answers here tonight.


Anonymous said...


we discussed this same question Sunday in SS.
A class participant asked for prayer for a friend who buried his wife this week after a long fight with lung issues. She was diagnosed with the issues 5 or so months after they buried their daughter from the same ailment--also about a 5 yr fight.
The husband is broken and I suspect angry at God.
I think I would be.
I am going to share your blog spot with the class participant.


jtcrangers said...

At risk of sounding (you fill in the adjective), perhaps because Gods thoughts are so far above ours, even if he wanted or tried to explain his thoughts to us, our comprehension would be limited to our abilities which are not sufficient. Maybe it has to be left as you stated – I know he knows and I know he loves me and will make sense of this someday so if I don’t understand, there must be a good reason – the assurance is that one day we will know as he knows, why that can’t be today, I have no idea!! Love ya, Jack – Deb and I enjoy your blog